Dad jolted up from his bed, his face drenched in a cold sweat. His eyes frantically scanned the entire room—until they landed on me. They widened, and an inaudible gasp escaped his lips.
He continued to stare at me for a while until his cheek shifted inward, just barely. Everything changed in the blink of an eye. He leisurely crossed his legs, leaned back with the support of his arms, and his lips bloomed in a childish smile.
For most people, it was an easy detail to miss. After all, there could be many reasons why your cheek shifts. Whether it be tension, stress, or swallowing. But I knew that specific deformation well. It was something that happened…
When you bit the inside of your mouth.
"A-ah! Sorry, Son!" he said, gripping the bedsheets. "I was spacing out, so I didn't see you there!"
Aside from the stutter, the way he spoke seemed perfectly normal. Even his excuse was believable to a degree. Dad was a bit of an airhead, after all. Still, it was too early to draw any conclusions.
"It's fine," I assured him. "Anyway, I just wanted to ask if something happened."
Dad tilted his head, seemingly confused. "What do you mean?"
Maybe he was playing dumb, or maybe he genuinely didn't know what I was talking about. Either way, I'd find out soon enough.
I let out a light laugh. "Never mind then. If you don't know, then I guess it's fine," I paused, letting the silence settle.
Dad's arms sank further into the mattress. That was when I casually added:
"I'll let Lily know there's nothing to worry about, then."
At the mention of Lily, Dad's smile strained for just a moment before recovering.
"Let Lily know what?" he asked, leaning forward. He seemed relaxed, but I didn't miss the subtle shake of his arm.
"Lily told me she heard Mom yelling downstairs this morning, so she thought you two were fighting. She seemed really scared," I said like it was no big deal.
Dad opened his mouth, but I cut him off. "If you're saying nothing happened, though, then there shouldn't be anything to worry about. I'll let her know."
I kept my voice neutral, but I didn't fail to slip in a tinge of authority.
The room seemed to darken as Dad froze in place. I didn't think about anything. I didn't even breathe. All I did was stand there and wait.
Suddenly, or maybe I should say as if on time, Dad's posture dipped. But it didn't last longer than a second as he let out an embarrassed chuckle.
"Haha, sorry about that! I guess we were being too loud."
I shook my head, letting him continue.
"Anyway," he said, awkwardly scratching his cheek. "Nothing happened. Or at least, it wasn't a big deal, so you don't have to worry about it."
His gaze drifted to the front door.
"Well, dinner will start soon, so get ready for that, okay? You know your Mom will get mad at us if we're late."
It was a terrible joke, and yet, he still giggled—obnoxiously so. So much so that I felt like doing it too. What came out instead, however, was a small breath of relief.
Good.
It seemed that Dad was now his usual self. Even I couldn't tell whether he was faking it or not anymore.
I gave him a simple nod. "Okay. See you later then."
With that, I left Dad's room with even steps. As I walked down the hallway, I didn't let my smile fade. It was only when I entered my room and closed the door, that I allowed myself to relax.
I collapsed onto my bed, the bed creaking under the sheer force of my fall. Just like Dad, I stared absently at the ceiling light. The light burned my retina, imprinting its existence in my eyes.
Suddenly—a dry, hollow chuckle scraped out of my throat. Then another. And another. It was a sound that didn't even feel like me, and yet, I couldn't stop.
I closed my eyes, still seeing the faint image of my ceiling light in the darkness.
There, I did it.
To start, I was able to confirm that something did happen between Mom and Dad. Dad biting the inside of his mouth was the first tell, the second was how he reacted to Lily's name.
If there's one thing I knew about my Old Man, it was that he loved and doted on his Daughter more than anyone in this house. Now that he knew she was concerned, he'd have no choice but to stay strong for her at the very least.
The way he portrayed himself at the end proved it. If I couldn't tell whether he was lying, neither could Lily—hopefully.
So, everything should be well. Mom was already in a good mood, so there was nothing to worry about there, and Dad would stay strong. Now, my sister didn't have anything to worry about. It should have been a great success. And yet…
Suddenly, the ceiling light image in the darkness rippled, forming into the familiar silhouette of a graceful, angelic woman before disappearing.
I sighed, my body sinking further into the mattress.
...Yes, I know.
I didn't think I was a genius. I was just another kid. Everything I just did… was learned. And there was only one person in the world, in this house, who I could have learned from...
As the thought came to me, my eyes shot open. I quickly leaned over and clamped a hand over my mouth. A muffled gag echoed in the dead silence of my room.
Lily's room was next to mine, so I threw a glance at the door. There was no movement. She hadn't heard me.
The relief seemed to sap all the strength from my body, as my hand dropped, and I fell back into bed.
I really am...
Mustering all the strength I had left—I bit the inside of my mouth.
A terrible person.
I covered my face and let out a long, deep sigh.
I felt as hours passed, the shadows in my room growing darker and darker as the sun dipped below the horizon. And yet, I didn't move.
Eventually, however, I slowly lifted myself up.
…But so what?
I leaned forward, using my arms to support the weight of my body as I pushed myself up.
It doesn't change anything, anyway.
There's no point in thinking about it anymore.
I should already know...
That this is who I am.
I took a deep breath—
And put a smile on my face.