It felt like seconds, but at the same time, like days had drained out of me. I was tired, my eyes could barely even stay open—and still, I couldn't fall asleep.
Every time my consciousness tipped over the edge just a little bit, I'd catch a sound at the edges of my hearing, and my eyes would snap toward the door.
No matter how many times that happened, the door remained closed, and I remained alone in my room.
I tried to close my eyes, to just relax in bed, but the moment I lost sight of the world, I felt the weight of countless pairs of eyes pressing against my vulnerable body, and they forced themselves open again.
I'd long since given up on getting any sense of sleep tonight. Instead, for the past few hours, I'd been staring at the door.
Every time I blinked, an overwhelming sense of fear crushed my heart—terrified that when I opened my eyes again, someone would be standing over me.
That time never came. But the fear only grew.
Every shift of the shadows, every faint sound, every subtle vibration—I studied them all.
I didn't know if it was all in my head or if it was actually real—but I didn't care, and I didn't stop.
Eventually, those movements, sounds, and vibrations wove together to form the existence of footsteps—footsteps approaching my door.
Every muscle in my body drew tight as the steps came closer, the vibrations grew stronger, and the shadows surged.
Then—the door slowly opened, and a figure emerged. I stared at the figure, my eyes slowly separating it from the darkness.
It's okay.
I just need to fight.
I just need to win.
Everything will be fine.
There's nothing to worry about.
My hand, which had been gripping the edge of my blanket, went slack as my mind began to flood with an all-enveloping black.
Everything–
"Mei, are you okay?"
Upon hearing the voice, the flooding stopped, and for just a moment, my body loosened.
It wasn't the raspy, predatory voice of Uncle, nor did a putrid odour fill my room. Instead, the voice was soft, caring—loving, even.
I stared at the figure, quietly tracing its every curve. It was slim, almost frail; had long hair; and even through the darkness, an unmistakably affectionate smile.
The figure stepped closer to me and crouched down, carefully running a hand on my head with a soft breath.
It was Mom.
At first, my mind scrambled, and I couldn't find the words. But I didn't let that last too long.
I quickly sat up on the bed and held her hand.
"What are you doing here, Mom?" I asked, my voice containing a hint of shock.
Mom looked down, avoiding eye contact with me. A heavy silence hung in the room as she didn't respond, seemingly pondering over her words.
Eventually, she took a deep breath, breaking the silence.
"I just... wanted to sleep with you again," she said. "It's been so long since we slept together, after all. I think the last time we did was when you were still a kid."
She finally looked up, meeting my eyes. Hers were trembling—yet somehow darker than even the darkness dwelling in the corners of my room.
"Is that okay?" Those three words of hers didn't have a pause between them at all.
I didn't have time to think about the answer or why she was doing this. If Mom was asking, I could only say one thing.
"Sure!" I replied excitedly. "Do you want to sleep on the bed? Or–"
Before I could even finish, Mom climbed into bed and gently wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her warmth.
To be honest, Mom was pure bone. Maybe it was because she hadn't been eating well, but her embrace felt like lying on a rock.
Even so, for the first time since I stepped into the house, my heart settled, and the hold fear had over me vanished, replaced by something almost… fluffy—if it could even be called that.
It was definitely abnormal, but with every worry I had slowly fading away, the exhaustion hit me hard, and I was too tired to care.
I closed my eyes, sinking into Mom's arms.
Yet, despite all of that, sleep still refused to claim me.
Mom shouldn't have been able to realize this, but she began gently stroking my head.
"Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?" she whispered softly.
I thought she would've asked if I couldn't sleep, since she seemed to be aware of it. So I was somewhat surprised that this was what she asked instead.
I tried to answer, but my mouth was too tired to even make a sound, so I simply gave her a small nod.
Mom let out a faint giggle as she leaned in close to my ear—and began to sing me a lullaby. The moment she uttered the first few words, I was carried back in time.
Mom used to make music before she eventually stopped. The song she was singing right now was one of the many songs she'd written. She used to sing it—along with a few others—for me every time I was sick. Out of them, this one was by far my favourite as a child.
Except… I never told her that.
For the first time in a long time, I felt like a… kid. A sick kid being looked after by her Mom. It was almost like I could go back to how things were before.
It had been so long since Mom actually… mothered me.
She wasn't a bad Mom or anything, she was just dealing with her own struggles—and I understood that. So I never held it against her.
But now that I was lying here, I couldn't help but wonder...
Why?
What was she trying to accomplish now? Why was she doing this now? For the first time, I couldn't tell what she was thinking.
That thought must've taken everything out of me, because just as they formed in my head, I was finally carried off to sleep.
Mei's Mom POV
When the song came to an end, I stopped and listened. Mei's breathing had finally stabilized. It was safe to assume that she'd fallen asleep.
Without even knowing it, I let out a deep breath, one that seemed to drain all the strength that had been holding me up with it.
I let my guard down for a second, but that was all it took for a pained groan to slip through my lips.
"Ack!"
The instant it did, I froze and quickly glanced at Mei, studying her face. She was still fast asleep.
Thank goodness…
I let out a relieved sigh as I pulled her in and closed my eyes. The moment I did, I was assaulted by a dull, throbbing pain from every corner of my body.
It wasn't anything to be concerned about. I had, after all, just given it my all to fight my brother-in-law, and it'd be a lie to say I came out unscathed.
He hit me, too. And I'd used my muscles, which I hadn't touched in a long time, to hit him back with all my strength. Of course, I was going to be hurt.
But what hurt the most was my arm. Specifically—the one Mei was resting her head on.
My arm was plagued with a numb, tingly sensation, the blood circulation cut off long ago. The pain was unbearable. If I weren't careful, my arm would be spasming. But I held it perfectly still the whole time. It was the least I could've done.
It was then that a thin line of moisture streaked through my cheek and fell onto the pillow with a soft *plap*.
Oh God… why now?
I squeezed my eyes even tighter and bit my lip, fighting to suppress the sobs clawing their way up.
Please… just not in front of my Daughter.
I held Mei closer, using her as an anchor to my emotions. But that only made the pain in my chest even harder.
I'm sorry, Mei…
My efforts were futile.
By this point, sobs had already broken through my nose, and my shoulders were trembling—but I never let it reach my arm.
Tears streamed down my face—but I never let a single one even touch my Daughter.
I'm sorry I'm such a bad Mom...
I'm sorry I couldn't protect you...
If only I were more selfish...
If only I were stronger...
Maybe if I were a better Mom, I could protect you...
But you had to be stuck with someone like me…
There was no point in thinking this. She would never be able to hear these thoughts. And even if she could, she shouldn't forgive me. I knew that.
But still… I couldn't help but lament over my own helplessness.
I'm sorry...! I'm sorry...!
Because I knew better than anyone…
I'm sorry... Mei!
That everything was my fault. No matter how many excuses I made, I would never be able to convince myself otherwise.
I'm sorry…
If I truly loved Mei and prioritized her above all else, I would have taken her and ran far away a long time ago.
And yet—despite everything that's happened to her and me—I still stubbornly chose to stay.
So the reason she's had to suffer like this—the reason she will continue to suffer—is not because of her Uncle, or even her Father.
But me.
Because I can't bring myself to do anything. Because I can't choose. Because I'm scared. Because I'm incompetent. And for that… I'm sorry—
For being such a terrible Mom.