My first thirty-minute break at eleven o'clock had officially started. Some of the older workers—including my Uncle—had gathered to eat lunch together. Surprisingly, they even invited me.
Apparently, they knew my Dad from when he used to work here, and because of that, they wanted to get to know me better, too. As much as I appreciated it, I always preferred spending my breaks alone, so I politely declined their offer.
They seemed a little disappointed, but they didn't push any further. They just told me that if I changed my mind, there'd be a seat waiting for me.
Currently, I was sitting in the corner of the construction site while eating one of the three egg rolls that Mom packed for me. Most would consider this too little food, considering I still had another nine hours to go, but I didn't really get hungry. In fact, even now, I wasn't. I was just snacking to pass the time.
While I chewed, I pulled out my phone. It was almost noon, so Mei should've been awake by now.
The second I turned it on, I was greeted by a barrage of texts from her. The first few were her apologizing for not responding last night and explaining the same thing her Mom did—that she'd fallen asleep the moment she got home.
The second pair of texts was her asking what I'd talked about with her Mom. It seemed that Mei had already been told that Auntie Yae had answered my call. I was sure her Mom already told her what happened, and that she was simply asking for formalities' sake, but that didn't change how I was going to respond.
The last pair of texts was just basic small talk—returning my greeting, telling me what she had for breakfast, and letting me know that she was heading out to the library to study.
I took my time responding to her messages. Regarding the second batch, I did as I'd promised and told her that Auntie Yae and I—though I made sure to call her "your Mom" in our texts—had simply talked about how she passed out when she got home and how she was doing in school.
Once that was done, I moved on to telling her what I was currently up to, just as she'd done for me.
I expected her to reply much later, so I swiped away from our chat and opened a game. But just as I did, a message from her popped up at the top of my screen.
It was almost as if she'd been sitting there waiting for my messages—but I knew that wasn't the case. The more probable answer was that she was on her phone, and I happened to message her at the same time.
Although she sounded a little embarrassed, she accepted my little lie about the phone call without a second thought. Seeing that, my shoulders grew lighter, as if I'd lost a weight I didn't even know I was carrying.
Thank goodness…
The moment the thought came to mind, I paused for a second.
It was strange. I had just lied to Mei, and yet, there wasn't a single shred of guilt in my body. In fact, I was almost… relieved.
But… why?
I spent some time thinking about it, my phone vibrating in my hand as Mei responded to my messages one after another, but no matter how long I thought, I couldn't even begin to figure out why.
If I had to guess, I'd say it was simply because I was happy for Auntie Yae.
I wasn't sure what there was to be happy about, but it was the only answer that made sense to me.
Somewhat satisfied, I returned to my conversation with Mei. We didn't talk about much, just a bit of small talk here and there.
That is, until another notification popped up on my phone. This time from Luna. She'd just texted us in the group chat. Not the big one with everyone, but the one with just her, Yu, and me.
I quickly skimmed through her message.
Just as I was about to reply, Mei sent me another text, pulling my attention back to her.
I was stuck in a stalemate. I was sure Mei wouldn't mind if I took a bit of time to respond to Luna, but even knowing that, I just wasn't inclined to do so.
It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to Luna or was avoiding her. She was one of my best friends. Logically speaking, getting a text from her inviting us out should've been a good thing.
And yet, it was almost like I wasn't in the mood.
You know what? It's okay. I can respond to Luna during my next break.
If I wasn't in the mood to, then I wasn't going to force myself. I didn't want the act of talking to my best friend to feel like a chore. It felt unfair to her more than anything else.
Taking a small mental note of it, I returned to my conversation with Mei. The conversation carried on until my break was over, forcing it to a close.
I was a little reluctant, but I had to return to my job.
I sent Mei a small text letting her know I had to go. She replied with a playful frowning emoji, but told me she understood and to "not die."
My gaze lingered on the frowning emoji for just a bit longer before I went back to work.
***
My second break started at three o'clock, and just like the first, I sat in the corner of the construction site.
If I were working a regular eight-hour shift, I would've been done by now—but I wasn't. I still had five hours left ahead of me.
As I'd promised, I sent a quick response to Luna, asking when everyone was free. To my surprise, she responded right away, saying she would clear her schedule for whichever day we chose. Yu, however, didn't respond. It was classic of him not to, so we didn't pester him about it. Since we couldn't proceed with the planning until he did, I left that conversation in the background for now.
So, just like the first break, I spent the rest of my break texting Mei.
***
By the time the third and final break came around—it was already six o'clock. I didn't even bother retreating to my usual corner like the previous two breaks.
Instead, I simply sat down right where I'd been working and opened my phone. Yu had finally responded to the group chat with an apology, saying he'd just finished his shift and had a date right after, which was why it took him this long to respond.
He also said that he was busy the whole week next week, so he wouldn't be able to hang out.
Luna reassured him with a thumbs-up emoji, telling him it was fine. Then, she sent a follow-up text directed at me, asking if I wanted to go out anyway. It wouldn't have been the first time we hung out just the two of us, after all.
But I responded with a simple and quick "Can't," ending the conversation.
Next week, I had the family gathering on one of the weekdays, thirteen-hour shifts on the weekends, and, for the remaining four days, I already had plans with Mei.
Just like with Yu, she sent me a reassuring thumbs-up emoji and told me it was okay and that we could decide on a date two weeks from now. I responded with a thumbs-up of my own, then returned to my conversation with Mei.
***
It was now ten o'clock, and I was currently lying in bed. I had arrived home about an hour and a half ago. When I did, I took a shower, ate dinner alone, then immediately holed myself up in my room.
Just like on my breaks, I spent the time on my phone with Mei.
She asked if we could meet up after work, but unfortunately, I was too tired—which was to be expected. I was too tired to even call, so we had to settle for simply texting each other like this.
Tomorrow was most likely going to end up the same way. No—not just tomorrow. Every weekend of the summer was going to play out exactly like this one.
I thought I was fine with that—but I was wrong.
This feeling, something that made it difficult to lie down and enjoy what should have been my after-work relaxation, wouldn't go away.
The way my eyes remained glued to the screen, even when I was in the shower.
The way I couldn't even taste a single bite of my dinner as my thumbs flew across the screen.
And the way I was up late right now, the time passing from 10 to 1 a.m., when I had another thirteen-hour shift ahead of me in only a couple of hours.
But I didn't care about any of that.
The only thing I did care about, the only thing that plagued my mind, was a single thought:
I want to see you.