Chapter 583: Yuko's Panic and the Threat of the Keyboard
Watching Ichihara Yuko practically haul her heavy suitcase up the stairs, taking three or four steps at a time despite her thin stilettos, Ren allowed a faint smile to surface.
Yakumo Yukari watched the display with mild astonishment. "Oh my. She can certainly move fast in those heels."
Lucifer simply burst out laughing. She sauntered over to Ren, bumping his arm with her shoulder. "Hey, there has to be a secret stashed in that luggage. You are the resident expert in Yukology. Analyze it."
The term 'Yukology' was a specialized discipline Lucifer and the others had coined exclusively for Ren. Yuko's complex thoughts and fickle personality were as difficult to decipher as high-level academia. Ren was the sole student of this subject, and there would never be a second.
Ren kept his tone dry. "Either she smuggled in a pipe, or she has been keeping a diary."
Lucifer nodded in mock solemnity. "Logical, well-founded, and highly reliable. As expected of the professor."
"Where exactly are you picking up these phrases?"
"Read more books."
"Which book is peddling that kind of nonsense?"
Upstairs, Yuko handled to her room purely on muscle memory. The path was etched into her mind. Pushing the door open, she took in the familiar, immaculate furnishings. She tossed her suitcase to the floor and collapsed onto the mattress. Burying her face in the soft pillows, she let out a long, shuddering breath. She was home. The tension bled from her shoulders. Nowhere else offered this kind of absolute security.
"Ah... I am finally home," she murmured into the fabric. "That awful man almost made me cry. He just wanted to see me make a fool of myself! Hmph!"
Despite her grumbling, the brilliant smile curving her lips betrayed her true mood.
After a long moment of quiet reflection, Yuko abruptly sat up. She kicked her stilettos away with zero grace and dropped to her knees beside the suitcase. Popping the latches, she pulled back the lid. Resting right on top were an exquisite smoking pipe and a sleek black notebook.
Ren's mastery of Yukology was flawless. Setting the diary aside, she gripped the pipe. A sudden, intense wave of panic washed over her.
She knew Ren quietly disapproved of women smoking. If he did not care, Soryuin Shion would not be so timid about her own habit, always sneaking off to light up in secret. Right now, Yuko felt exactly like a child holding a failing report card, terrified of disappointing the parents who had placed such high hopes on her. Her mind flatlined. Where could she hide it? How would she sneak a smoke? How was she supposed to buy replacement tobacco without raising suspicion?
The logistical nightmare was overwhelming. Back when she packed the pipe, she had not considered the consequences. Now, the contraband was in her territory. There was no turning back. She had to commit to the deception, and she could not afford a single mistake.
In reality, her grand resolve looked entirely different.
Yuko knelt on the floor, clutching the pipe with wide, terrified eyes. Cold sweat beaded on her forehead as she whipped her head left and right. "What do I do... what do I do? Where do I put this? Ah! If he finds out, I am completely dead! Why did I even bring this back!"
She scrambled to her feet. She checked the dresser. Too obvious. She checked the closet. Too risky. Finally, her eyes landed on the bookshelf. She could slip it behind a row of thick novels.
"Ah! Why! Why is there not a single book in my room! How am I supposed to hide anything!"
She resolved to go shopping immediately and buy a mountain of literature just to serve as camouflage. But for today, she needed a temporary fix. After agonizing over the layout, she shoved the pipe deep inside a decorative pillow by the curtains. Realizing the hard stem was visibly poking against the fabric, she hastily piled a dozen other throw pillows on top of it, nodding in satisfaction at her makeshift barricade.
The diary was much easier. She simply kicked it far under the bed. Dusting her hands off, she let out a heavy sigh. "I need to buy books right now. And I should probably buy ones I actually like to read... Wait, what kind of books do I even like?"
She rubbed her temples, deciding to worry about her literary tastes later. Her nerves were already frayed. If Ren discovered her stash, she was genuinely afraid she would end up kneeling on a keyboard as punishment.
Still feeling entirely on edge, Yuko slipped her shoes back on and tiptoed down the stairs. Lucifer was waiting at the bottom, fixing Yuko with a deeply playful stare. Yuko's heart skipped a beat. What did that smirk mean?
Lucifer pressed a hand to her mouth, suppressing a giggle. "Yuko..."
Yuko forced a stiff smile. "Huh? What is it?"
"Ren... I missed you so much... Hahaha!"
Yuko's face instantly burned crimson. The familiar dynamic snapped right back into place. This was the Lucifer she constantly bickered with. "If you want to think about him, then just think about him! Why are you laughing at me!"
Lucifer leaned in. "Guess who I am quoting? If you guess right, I will tell you."
"I refuse to guess."
"Then I will just give you the answer."
"You have said enough!"
"Not nearly enough, Yuko. We are so close, I simply must tell you."
"Shut up!"
"Hahaha!"
Their usual banter filled the room. Pandora watched the exchange with quiet fascination, while Riven leaned against the wall, casually peeling an orange she had pulled from thin air. Ren ignored the chaos entirely, turning his attention to the television screen like he was watching a movie. Once the laughter died down, Lucifer formally introduced Pandora and Riven.
Yuko offered a polite nod, her gaze lingering on the white-haired warrior. "Oh, Riven looks like such a heroic young woman. It is completely at odds with her actual personality."
Riven paused mid-chew. "How is it different?"
"Because you, Riven, are incredibly naive."
Riven frowned. "I suddenly feel like I have been called an idiot..."
She decided not to argue the point. She was trusting, not stupid. Most of the time, she was actually quite sharp.
Yuko then turned her attention to Yukari and the others. The moment her eyes landed on the gap youkai, she let out a soft gasp. "Oh... what immense yokai power."
Yukari looked mildly surprised before offering a graceful greeting, and the two naturally fell into conversation. Throughout the chat, Yakumo Ran stood rigidly, on the verge of tears, because Yuko had casually grabbed her fluffy tails and was kneading them like stress toys.
Still mercilessly squeezing Ran's tails, Yuko looked over her shoulder. "Ren. I want to go shopping."
Ren nodded, his eyes never leaving the screen. "You can go. Lucifer, are you all..."
"Do not look at us," Lucifer interrupted, waving a hand. "We have things to do. Nami might have some free time, but Mana and the others mentioned they needed our help with something recently."
"Alright then."
[Akarin's Note: "Kneeling on a keyboard" is a popular Chinese internet joke regarding domestic discipline. When a husband or boyfriend makes a mistake, the girlfriend or wife will jokingly force him to kneel on a computer keyboard without pressing any keys as punishment. Here, Yuko is terrified Ren will use it on her!]
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