The Addams family interrogation began properly.
Morticia and Wednesday stood on opposite sides of the demon, both in holy relic gloves, silver blades resting easy in their hands. The divine energy coming off the weapons alone was enough to make it tremble before either of them moved.
Then, screaming started.
Holy weapons burned differently. Every cut left glowing marks across the red skin and stopped the body from closing behind them. Morticia asked questions with calm precision.
Wednesday watched, occasionally adding an observation in the same tone she used during autopsies.
Nothing rushed about it.
That made it worse.
The demon tried resisting. That lasted under a minute.
Ethan stood back and watched. He'd dealt with violence but torture had never been his approach — if he tried it things would collapse into brute force quickly. Messy. Inefficient.
Morticia and Wednesday together were neither of those things.
He was starting to understand why certain things were better left to professionals.
Ethan glanced sideways toward Thing, who was standing beside him calmly watching the interrogation like this was a completely normal family activity.
"You know," Ethan said quietly, "maybe we should just leave them to it and go wander around for a while."
Thing immediately signed in agreement.
Behind them, the demon suddenly screamed again.
"WAIT!" it yelled desperately. "Why the hell are you even torturing me?!"
Morticia paused slightly at that.
Ethan looked back toward the demon with mild confusion, as if the answer was obvious.
"We need a way out of hell," he explained. "And since you're a demon, we assumed you'd know something useful."
The demon stared at him blankly despite the obvious pain.
"Who the fuck told you that?" it shouted. "I don't know everything just because I live here!"
Ethan blinked.
That possibility had genuinely not occurred to him.
Ethan looked toward Morticia and Wednesday. "Well… you two can probably stop now."
The demon immediately released the deepest sigh of relief Ethan had ever heard from a living creature.
Then Ethan held his hand out toward Morticia.
"Glove."
Morticia handed the holy relic back calmly while the demon watched with growing dread.
The moment Ethan put it back on, a massive broadsword materialized into his hand, the blade heavy enough to crack the scorched ground beneath its weight.
The demon's expression collapsed completely.
"Wait—wait—"
"Look," Ethan said while resting the sword against his shoulder, "nothing personal." His tone remained oddly casual despite the enormous holy weapon in his hand. "Maybe in your next life you'll be reborn as something less unfortunate."
The demon stared at the sword in absolute horror.
At this point, it genuinely no longer understood humanity.
Demons were supposed to be the terrifying ones.
Then this pale monster had arrived in Hell carrying holy weapons and casually discussing reincarnation while his girlfriend and her mother performed organized torture nearby.
The demon immediately started yelling again.
"WOULD YOU LISTEN PROPERLY FOR FIVE SECONDS?!" it screamed desperately. "I said I don't know the exit personally!" It pointed a shaking claw deeper into the wasteland. "But I know someone who does!"
"Man, what the hell is wrong with you people?" the demon cried out, nearly shaking at this point. "Do you have any humanity left at all?"
Ethan slowly lowered the sword slightly and looked genuinely thoughtful for a second.
"…You know," he admitted, "that's actually a fair question."
Wednesday glanced toward the demon. "You are asking an Addams family member, a vampire progenitor, and a sentient hand about morality." Her expression remained perfectly calm. "Your expectations were unrealistic from the beginning."
The demon looked like it wanted to collapse.
Morticia, meanwhile, smiled politely. "In our defense, dear, you did attempt to crawl out of the ground behind us in Hell. First impressions matter."
"I DIDN'T EVEN ATTACK YOU!"
"You considered it," Wednesday replied immediately.
"I considered leaving!"
"That still demonstrates suspicious intent."
The demon stared at the three of them in complete disbelief before slowly looking back toward Ethan.
"How are you somehow the normal one in this group?" it asked weakly.
Ethan smiled slightly at that before grabbing the demon by the neck and pulling him closer again.
"Oh, I'm definitely not normal," he said quietly.
The smile never left his face, but something in his tone made the demon stiffen immediately.
"And trust me," Ethan continued, "if I had been the one handling the interrogation from the beginning, you'd probably already be dead by now."
The demon swallowed nervously.
"So if you're thinking about lying to us, misleading us, running away, or doing anything clever," Ethan said while lightly tapping the side of the demon's head with one finger, "let me save you the trouble."
His eyes narrowed slightly.
"I'll find you anyway."
The pressure in the air around him shifted subtly for a moment, enough to make the demon's expression pale further.
"I'll turn this entire place upside down if I have to."
For the first time since meeting them, the demon looked genuinely convinced Ethan meant every word.
Then Ethan loosened his grip slightly.
"Now," he said calmly, "where's the exit out of Hell?"
***
A/N: And on Patreon, The Boys arc started.
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