In the void.
Thor, God of Thunder, was currently lugging two unconscious bodies—one was his father, Odin, whose soul was temporarily trapped in the body of Loki, King of the Frost Giants.
The other was, naturally, Loki, King of the Frost Giants. This enemy was currently occupying the body of the Asgardian All-Father, though he was likewise in a state of deep unconsciousness.
"Is this thing an exit?" Thor had no idea how long he had been searching the void, but he had finally found the only thing in this emptiness that looked like a way out.
It was a giant door floating in mid-air, appearing incredibly abrupt.
There was no light here, no sound, no up or down, no time. Only floating fragments of shimmering light, like cosmic dust, rotated slowly in the absolute silence.
And in the center of this dead silence stood a door. Naturally, Thor couldn't help but speculate that the exit to this mysterious dimension lay beyond it.
"Is this damn door actually the exit?" Thor tapped the bronze gate floating in the void with Mjolnir. The ancient runes on the door flickered with a faint white light and quickly died out.
It was as if Thor hadn't used the right key. He was pondering whether to use Mjolnir to give the gate a forced breakthrough when he suddenly heard a familiar whistling sound from behind.
*Whoosh whoosh whoosh~~~*
What a reassuring sound.
If it weren't carrying a distinct intent to kill, Thor would have hailed it, crying out, "Uncle Divine Spear, you've saved me!" But now, Thor sensed a murderous edge within that familiar air-piercing whistle.
"Gungnir is trying to kill me?!"
Thor whipped around to see a streak of golden light tearing through the void, heading straight for him! His pupils instantly contracted to pinpoints. Within 0.01 seconds, the regretful brain of the Asgardian blundered through countless possibilities.
'Is Loki controlling Father's body to kill me?
Is the real Father, even while unconscious, sick of my stupidity and trying to clean house?'
'It can't be that Gungnir itself has harbored rebellious thoughts all along!'
"No!!"
Thor let out a terrified internal scream. The familiar white radiance pierced the void, streaking toward him. The target didn't seem to be his heart, but rather his most poorly defended area—his buttocks!
As the Crown Prince of Asgard, no one knew the power of this spear better than Thor.
For a moment, Thor's heart trembled. However, before he could think further, Gungnir, carrying sharp killing intent, was already inches away.
"Ian Kent?!"
Thor only had time to see the youth riding atop the divine spear. He was so startled that he threw the two off his shoulders, but Gungnir was not to be distracted by discarded food.
Its target remained the Thunder God's rear. Thor scrambled into a "lazy donkey roll" to avoid the first wave of the attack, but he tripped himself and ended up frantically crawling on all fours.
"Don't come over here! Don't come over! I'm the Thor you watched grow up!"
Thor wailed as he crawled.
Although the first strike failed to land, the quality of Gungnir was beyond doubt.
It took a sharp turn, abruptly changing direction in mid-air. The spearhead flickered with Never-Miss Runes, arriving at its destination from a cunning angle.
*Squelch!*
A precision hit!
"Aaahhh~ My Asgardian Divine Glutes!!" Thor's tragic scream echoed in the void, his limbs twitching like a frog pinned to a specimen board.
Of course.
That full-throated cry was perhaps proof that he was the least life-threatened of all targets ever hit by Gungnir. Ian's judgment had not been wrong.
The only discrepancy.
Was that Ian hadn't expected to be unable to intercept Gungnir just before arrival; it seemed the spear was willing to die to protect its reputation for hitting a hundred percent of the time.
"A bit of a miscalculation."
Ian Kent landed gracefully. Glancing at the pitiful Thunder God, he immediately struck a rescue pose, pretending he too was a victim—a poor Evil God hijacked mid-journey by Gungnir.
"Don't panic! I'm coming to help! This damn artifact is too wicked! It ambushed me, and now it ambushes my follower!" With that, he grabbed the spear's shaft and gave a violent yank.
"Awoooooo!!"
Thor's pain was so great that tears literally sprayed out.
"No! Don't pull! Don't pull it out!"
Thor let out another shrill wail, feeling as if a piece of his soul had been torn away. Clutching his bleeding rear, tears began to stream uncontrollably.
The look he gave Ian was full of accusation for this secondary trauma.
"Listen... I swear this time, the barbs on the spearhead grew there themselves." Ian looked awkwardly at the blood-dripping Gungnir in his hand.
He felt Gungnir might be settling a private grudge.
The spear had likely suffered under the Asgardian Crown Prince for far too long.
Seeing Thor's rear gushing blood, Ian had a sudden brainwave. He fished medical supplies out of his four-dimensional pocket and rushed forward to slap them onto Thor's backside.
"Ultra-thin and breathable, strong absorption, worry-free sleep all night... my deskmate uses this brand of hemostatic bandage, it works like a charm. No false advertising involved."
Ian contributed the leftover hemostatic divine artifacts he had saved. It was clear he felt a hint of guilt; he wouldn't normally spare such treasures for just anyone.
The prop itself wasn't worth much.
But the genius logic of its application was a priceless treasure.
The saying that creativity is the most valuable thing in the 21st century wasn't just something Ian and Douglas MacArthur had said. To have the crystallization of wisdom plagiarized meant intellectual property rights were being violated.
"This is..." Thor tremblingly touched the... band-aid on his rear? Was this a band-aid?! This! He had lived on Earth for a long time and understood many common items!
"Don't bully me just because I'm not a local; this is a kitchen supply used to soak up moisture from fish before frying..." Thor clutched his band-aide rear, looking at Ian with a hollow gaze.
He felt like Ian was preparing him as an ingredient.
At the same time.
He knew he was once again having his disposition tempered by the Evil God. Since he dared not speak his anger, Thor could only stare at Ian's large, sparkling eyes with his two small Asgardian eyes.
"Oh, right. Our New Justice League has trauma subsidies. Wait a second, I'll transfer some magic to you..." As he spoke, Ian shared some magic with Thor.
"This is shared divine power. I can use it, but the ownership doesn't belong to me..." Thor had clearly been in Ian's organization long enough to have sprouted a few beliefs.
"Uh, that's not important."
Ian looked at Thor's resentful eyes, coughed awkwardly, and quickly changed the subject.
"Ahem, anyway, Thor-so, this place seems bigger than your house. Have you been able to find an exit yet?" Ian truly didn't know how to leave this void.
In response.
Thor didn't answer. He just silently raised another trembling hand and pointed toward the super-giant door that anyone who wasn't blind should have been able to see clearly.
"Is this the exit you found?" Ian pretended he had just recovered his eyesight, using the opportunity to bypass the resentful Thor and walk toward the floating gate.
[Encountered unknown radiation, Berserker Experience +9]
[Encountered unknown radiation, Berserker Experience +9]
[Encountered unknown radiation, Berserker Experience +9]
...
Clearly.
The gate standing here was not some harmless object. It was emitting a very strong radioactive aura, even satisfying Ian's leveling requirements quite well.
"I bet if a normal person stood here for a second, they'd immediately be 'Radiated with a lifespan as short as a night-blooming cereus'." Ian stepped forward, marveling quietly before the gate that radiated ancient pressure.
[Encountered unknown radiation, Berserker Experience +11]
[Encountered unknown radiation, Berserker Experience +11]
[Encountered unknown radiation, Berserker Experience +11]
...
This door might not look tasty, but it was absolutely a leveling tool. The radiation it broadcast was continuously providing him with Berserker experience!
Ian excitedly pondered whether he could move this door back to his lair, bidding farewell to the troubles of manual grinding forever. Meanwhile, the limping Thor walked over.
"Why didn't you respond to my prayers? I called you over three hundred times!" Thor clutched his rear and struggled to Ian's side, questioning him in a demanding tone.
Ian's gaze began to drift.
He looked at the [Unread Messages] in his brain. Naturally, he couldn't tell Thor he had forgotten to check the prayers; that would damage the omnipotence an Evil God ought to have.
Because of this.
Ian's brain turned slightly.
"Mainly because I've joined a religion recently. I'm a faithful Christian. Every time a follower prays, I think seriously—what would the Big G do?"
"Even though I'm an Evil God, I'm an orthodox one. I have to mimic and learn God's style; I can't just act recklessly." Scratching his head, Ian put on a pious expression.
His hands even made some messy gestures in front of his chest. This loophole-filled sign wouldn't fool anyone on Earth, but it could leave an alien completely baffled.
"God? You're benchmarking yourself against God?" Thor froze, completely dazed, his attention captured by the surprise that an Evil God like Ian would have such lofty ideals.
"Why can't I compare? I know all his signature moves—playing dead + losing contact. It works like a charm." Ian shrugged with an air of 'it goes without saying,' even looking a bit smug.
He hadn't been struck by lightning yet, proving that God's power hadn't reached this side of the Marvel Universe. Thus, he felt he could take the opportunity to harshly criticize the God of the DC Universe while in Marvel.
Just speaking the truth!
No one could find fault with Lord Ian!
"You win."
Thor found that his vocabulary lacked the words to refute Ian's logic. He could only give a thumb's up and silently walk to the side to start using divine power to heal his injuries.
"What is this thing?" Ian was studying how to take the gate with him. He couldn't directly pack it into his dimension, as if his dimension couldn't support its weight.
The mysterious gate must be some kind of treasure!
Deeply convinced of this, Ian stood before the magnificent, mysterious gate, his gaze like a torch as he stared fixedly at the runes and lines that were constantly flowing and reorganizing on the door's surface.
Those patterns and lines were in constant flux. With every blink, they sketched a different picture than the one before, as if they were alive, changing every instant.
One second, it looked like a lush forest; the next, it turned into a surging river of stars. Another blink, and it became the faces of countless beings wailing, laughing, being born, and dying.
It was as if it wasn't depicting all things, but was the projection of all things themselves—the personification of cosmic laws. One more look, and one's soul felt as if it would be sucked into it.
Merging with this endless change.
"Have you figured out the trick? Do you know how to open the door?" Seeing that his injuries were difficult to heal, Thor limped back to Ian's side, still lugging the two dead weights.
He noticed Ian had been staring blankly at the gate for a long time.
"Even my cat knows what to do when an unfamiliar door needs to open." Ian recovered from his thoughts and stepped forward to give the common-sense-lacking Thor a live demonstration.
"If you want someone to open the door, of course you have to knock first." While demonstrating, Ian knocked on the door. Like a street-walker, he even began shouting toward the inside of the gate.
"Anyone home? Is there anyone?"
Ian knocked frantically, asking loudly.
*Thump thump thump!*
The crisp sound of knocking echoed in the void.
Thor opened his mouth, about to say he tried that and it didn't work, when suddenly—he froze.
He saw that Ian had just lowered his hand, preparing for Phase Two: if no one was home, he'd use his lock-picking skills. He had just pulled out his tools when he heard a response from inside the gate.
*Thump thump thump~*
The exact same knocking sound.
It was as if someone inside was mimicking Ian's previous knock.
"Someone's here, someone's here."
On the other side of the mysterious gate, it wasn't just something learning Ian's knock; a responding voice rang out—a very, very tender child's voice.
It was actually using American English.
However, the slightly unfamiliar feeling made one suspect the language was being learned on the fly.
"Hmm?"
Ian was stunned.
He didn't understand why, besides the little witch Madison and the Gotham freaks, there was someone else in the myriad worlds who could speak with a cutesier voice than him.
It was almost compressed into the voice of a one-year-old baby!
"Someone's on the other side, right? I heard you, I see you." The child's voice rang out again. The tone was the soft, sweet sound of a girl, and the mood was full of a pitiful flavor.
At a glance, it was a master-tier cute-voice user.
"Damn it! Your house is so luxurious! The garden outside is endless! What are you acting pitiful for!" Ian couldn't help but kick the mysterious gate twice.
His complaints did not anger the other party.
"Please, can you open the door for me? I've been in here for a long, long time, and it's very boring. Just open it once, just a crack so I can squeeze out."
The persistent knocking sound rang out again, accompanied by a milky, pleading tone. The other party was clearly in a hurry, so the knocking was vigorous enough to be described as shaking.
*Rumble rumble~*
The entire gate was vibrating.
The little girl's voice clearly came with a lot of strength.
*Rumble rumble, rumble rumble~*
"I really want to go out. Could you just open a tiny crack and let me go for a stroll? I promise I'll lock myself back in!"
"Just a crack, I'll move myself, I can squeeze out." The little girl's voice took on a hint of sobbing, but Ian did not soften his heart.
He had pushed this door twice.
It hadn't budged at all.
Yet the other party could make the gate wobble. Even setting aside the uncertainty of where the other side was, Ian didn't think any being with such monstrous strength was up to any good.
A little girl?
Just coming out for a stroll?
"Think I'll believe you? I get it. You're an entombed evil, a fellow looking to compete with Lord Ian. Unfortunately, your lying skills don't even match a fraction of mine."
"If you have an online shopping platform in there, I suggest you buy a copy of *Lord Ian: The Art of the Absolute Truth* to read." Ian knew he used this exact same tone when deceiving others. Not only did he become instantly alert, but he also pulled out thousands of giant locks and gave the door a wave of heavy reinforcement from top to bottom.
"There's likely something fishy about this door."
Even Thor sensed something was wrong.
This immediately made the little girl inside the gate anxious.
"You haven't eaten enough, so you can't open it. Go eat some more, then come back full and open it for me. If you just open this door for me, I can satisfy any of your wishes. What do you want? I can manifest anything for you." She attempted to tempt Ian with profit.
"Whatever Lord Evil God wants, I'll go pick it up outside or find a chance to manifest it myself. Besides, I can't push this door open anyway. Give up, and let's pretend we never met." Ian was unmoved by the temptation. He stared at the mysterious gate—the leveling tool—with eyes full of reluctance.
Just as Ian was making a choice.
"You're lying, but I'm not tricking you... Let me think how to convince you... Oh right, this is the Pearly Gates! I'm an angel who can grant all wishes!"
The little girl's voice suddenly became proud. Her tender voice carried a sense of absolute sincerity, though her lying skills truly remained at a level in need of improvement.
An angel?
It wasn't like Ian hadn't seen the styles an angel and the Pearly Gates ought to have.
"Hilarious. I'm occasionally the King of Angels, and I've never heard of you being one. Stop playing. It's not fun outside; just stay in there and count your own hair!"
Ian didn't want to discard this leveling tool, but not only could he not take the gate with him, he also harbored a slight suspicion about what was sealed inside.
Faced with Ian's distrust, the little girl clearly became frantic.
"Why won't you believe me? If you let me out, I'll show you my one, two, three, four, five... twenty-eight thousand pairs of pretty wings and over eight thousand pretty little feet."
The little girl's voice behind the door suddenly took on a bit of a wronged tone.
"How many feet?"
Ian, who was about to leave, slammed on the brakes.
He spun around, rushing back to the door in three steps, his nose almost touching the panel.
"Say that again?"
Ian's voice was very loud.
Thor watched the suddenly intense Ian in a daze.
"Calm down a bit."
He whispered a persuasion.
Ian ignored him.
"Eight thousand feet!" The little girl's voice immediately became chirpy. "Every single one is wearing a glass slipper!"
She thought she had convinced Ian.
However.
Ian's expression gradually shifted from shock to embarrassment and rage.
With a *shwish*, he pulled a sticky note from his pocket and wrote the four characters [HOUSE OF LIARS] in a flourishing script. Then, he slapped the note onto the door with a *thwack*.
"I only have twelve feet, and you dare to have eight thousand! Liar! Fraud!" Ian stomped his feet in anger. Even counting his mimicry spider legs and external Speed Force legs, he could only scrap together twelve feet. Regarding the boastful claim from behind the door, even if it were true, he had to choose not to believe it.
There can only be one Evil God in this world!
A tooth-grinding sound came from behind the door. Ian walked away without looking back, leaning down to pick up Gungnir stuck in the ground; the tip still had some of Thor's gluteal tissue on it.
"Let's go."
He flicked the blood droplets off the spear and turned to Thor.
"Where can we go now?"
Thor limped after Ian.
"To find the others, of course." Ian checked the Runes on the spear. "You didn't think we were the only two unlucky bastards to fall into this hellhole, did you?"
"How do we find them?"
As soon as Thor asked, he regretted it.
He saw the light of wisdom flash in Ian's eyes.
"Do you know what a concept of 72.4 intelligence is?"
He stroked the spear shaft.
"You definitely don't—watch closely."
Ian gripped Gungnir with full confidence.
Under Thor's suspicious and uncertain gaze, Ian began to whisper softly to Gungnir.
"Listen, new friend, I know you haven't had your fill yet..." As Ian's [Whisper] skill activated, the shaft of Gungnir began to grow slightly warm.
"There's a more perfect rear up ahead, the glutes recognized by the entire universe—recognized beyond the universe too. So, shoot toward it! Our next destination is the rear of Captain America, Steve Rogers!" As Ian gave the instruction, Gungnir began to vibrate at a high frequency.
"Captain America's glutes are worth a 'pilgrimage' from a divine spear like you!" Ian took a deep breath.
Following this mental pollution level of coaxing, Gungnir actually began to vibrate slightly in his hand. The light at the tip grew brighter and brighter, as if a bizarre target lock program had been injected into it. It began to rotate on its own, the tip slowly rising and pointing toward an invisible coordinate deep within the void.
"NOOOOO——!!"
Thor lunged forward to grab it, but it was too late.
"That's the spot!"
Ian gave a great shout and swung his arm violently!
Gungnir turned into a golden meteor tearing through the void. The tail of the spear also carried two stowaways—Ian used mimicry tentacles to firmly secure himself and Thor to the spear's shaft.
It was like being dragged along at high speed on a subway.
"I knew you wanted to harm my rear!"
During the flight, Thor desperately protected the sanitary pad he intended to let fly.
"This is impossible! How can you use my Father's weapon?!" He was also shocked that Ian could use Gungnir, finding it even more unbelievable than Ian lifting Mjolnir.
'Is the Evil God in front of me an artifact killer?'
"Huh?"
Ian shouted through the whistling wind.
"My dear follower! You know nothing of Lord Evil God's capabilities!" His mimicry tentacles began weaving several comfortable seats beneath Gungnir.
Soon.
Ian and Thor vanished from before the gate. The little girl's voice behind the door seemed to stomp her feet in rage. The [HOUSE OF LIARS] tag on the bronze gate suddenly self-combusted.
Turning to ash and scattering.
"So, is he a lolicon or not? Exactly how many feet does he like a lifeform to have?"
"Why! Why won't you let me tell him that I am the Multiverse itself? That he can't rebuild the multiverse without releasing me? That is clearly his responsibility!"
"Fine... I have patience. I will wait."
...
It was unclear who this voice was speaking to. Her emotions gradually calmed during this mysterious exchange, finally turning into a slowly fading sigh.
"Saint · Dark Prison Blood Pupil · Performer of the End of the World · Inheritor of the Scarlet Moon Curse · First Emperor of the Everlasting Night · Executor of the Fallen Heaven's Punishment · K · Augustus · Echo of the Abyss · Rebel Soul Entwined by Evernight Thorns · Godslayer Candidate No. 4399 · Suture Line of Chaos and Order · Wailing Incarnation When Stars Fall · Ian · Ultimate Idealistic Superman..."
"Who would have thought? The chuunibyou who gave himself such a long name has been gone so long, yet upon returning, he is still a chuunibyou—perhaps I shouldn't abuse him so."
"He did, after all, in the end... truly act as a superhero once."
The sigh, carrying the low mutter of talking to oneself, settled within the gate like an extinguished candle flame. The echoes rippled through the void a few times before being swallowed by the eternal darkness.
The gate began to grow ethereal—if it truly could be called a gate.
After Ian left, the door was no longer clear; it was just a blurry silhouette in the void, its edges twisting and deforming as if it might vanish into the boundless darkness at any moment. Simultaneously, in the depths of the void countless light-years away from the gate, the Spear of Heaven, Gungnir, drew a dazzling golden arc.
The Runes on the spear lit up in sequence, constructing a shield barely able to withstand the erosion of the void. Where the tip pointed, space was sliced open like butter.
Revealing the even deeper darkness behind.
Soon, the darkness ahead began to twist, forming countless vortex-like rifts. One particularly massive rift suddenly opened, like the universe opening an eye.
"Hold on tight!" Ian finally shouted a voice that could be heard. Gungnir shot toward the rift like an arrow from a bow, the Runes on the spear exploding with blinding light.
The moment he crossed the rift, Ian felt his body being torn into countless pieces, every atom separated and reorganized. He saw Thor's body likewise disintegrating, the golden armor scattering as points of light. The most terrifying part was the splitting of consciousness—he existed at countless points in time simultaneously, being both a newborn baby and a dying old man.
Then, everything suddenly stopped.
Gravity seized them again. Ian felt himself falling, the wind howling in his ears. Below was the silhouette of a city, but shrouded in an unnatural haze.
"Damn it, no experience points gained!" Ian endured the uncomfortable experience, only to find he had gained nothing. He truly felt he had suffered a great loss.
[Mutation Overlord experience calculation complete.]
[Based on the life intensity of existing vassals, you gained Mutation Overlord experience +11.]
Fortunately, the moment he left the void, Ian finally received some comfort. This was the [Mutation Overlord] daily calculation, which might have been delayed until after leaving the void for some reason.
"Better than nothing! Better than nothing!" Ian became happy again. He was easy to please by nature; this wave of forced non-loss was a big win.
Due to the previous unpleasant experience, Ian's mimicry mode suffered a technical malfunction. Thus, both he and Thor were detached from Gungnir, tumbling through mid-air.
Seeing the ground approaching, Ian used his Tyrant flight ability to hover in mid-air. However, someone else's reaction was nowhere near as swift as his.
Thor, carrying his father and the one who should have been his brother, Loki, plunged toward the ground like a passenger falling off a train after suddenly losing his hanging ticket.
"Oh! No!"
Thor felt the tentacles around his waist vanish abruptly. The sensation of weightlessness hit him like a giant wave. He instinctively gripped Loki's ankle and Odin's collar. The three bodies twisted into a comical spiral in the air.
The moment this blond descendant of the Asgardian Aesir made contact with the sandy ground, the shockwave blew away crows within a ten-meter radius. The earth was smashed into a perfect star-shaped crater.
He wouldn't be injured, of course.
It was a divine body, after all.
Pah pah pah!
Thor's image just looked incredibly bedraggled.
When the dust cleared, Thor's legs were sticking out of the pit, twitching. Loki's face was buried in Odin's armpit, while Loki's soul inside Odin's body instinctively let out a muffled groan.
"This... you... are you guys okay?"
Thor limped and struggled to crawl out of the pit with the two vegetables. For a moment, he didn't know whether to worry about his father's body or his father's soul which had swapped bodies with Loki.
"I have some plum snacks here. Feed them some and they'll be fine."
Ian slowly descended from the air, the void tentacles on his back receding into his body like a low tide. His feet lightly touched the ground, his posture so elegant it seemed designed to contrast with Thor's appearance.
"Thor-so, you still have a long way to go before becoming a qualified superhero." Ian elongated his tone, putting on the elegance of an Evil God for Thor, who had just crawled out of the dirt pit.
"Can you blame me? If you hadn't suddenly retracted those disgusting tentacles, how could I have failed to react?" Thor looked like his beard was about to stand on end in anger.
His left hand gripped the ankle of the unconscious Loki, while his right arm tucked Odin's body under it—strictly speaking, the Loki body containing Odin's soul.
The King of Asgard was currently rolling his eyes, with a leaf still in his mouth.
"My father, and my father's body—luckily they aren't broken." Thor frantically placed Odin on the ground, then realized it was wrong and quickly straightened Loki out too.
As a result, the two bodies collided with a *thump*.
"Are you holding an advanced version of a ghost marriage—a 'vegetable marriage'?" Ian couldn't bear to watch any longer and fished out two sleeping bags to tuck the two into separately.
"By the gods, I can't take care of unconscious people at all!" Thor sighed, displaying his giant baby attributes before continuing to look at Ian with resentful eyes.
Ian touched Odin's nose and gave an awkward but polite smile. "This time it really isn't my fault. My mimicry ability just glitches like that occasionally."
"It probably has to do with my lack of concentration." Ian also sighed, mimicking Thor. He was mainly feeling a bit unwell from the previous motion sickness sensation.
"Isn't that because you got distracted!" Thor roared, his voice scaring off a flock of crows in a tree—wait, why were those crows' eyes blood-red?
"Look! Wild zombies!"
Ian still reacted faster than Thor. He pointed toward a group of humanoid creatures limping in the distance, a trace of surprise and shock flashing in his eyes.
Ian was familiar with these creatures; he had seen them before in the dimensional rift video provided by New Teacher Tony. So, had he and Thor arrived in the pocket universe where Iron Man's daughter was located?
As Ian was analyzing.
Thor finally became alert and looked around, only to see that the noise of his fall had already attracted a dense crowd of zombies. These monsters limped along, yet they approached with a bizarre persistence.
Their skin was a rotting grayish-green, some even revealing white bone. Clouded eyeballs were set in their sockets, and dried blood and rotted meat hung from the corners of their mouths. Even more disgusting, some zombies had ruptured abdomens, their intestines dragging on the ground like squirming maggots.
These entrails made a sticky, scraping sound against the ground as they moved.
"Damn! What the hell are these things!" Thor was aghast. He gripped Mjolnir, lightning crackling on the hammer. He already had much more courage than at the beginning.
At least he knew to prepare for battle upon encountering an enemy.
Instead of running away.
"Oh, these are little snacks that even Lord Ian doesn't like to eat." Ian's tone was disdainful, as if he were critiquing a bad dish. The zombie virus truly didn't sound very tasty.
Lord Ian could have many identities.
But he didn't want one of them to be Zombie Ian. If he became Zombie Ian, not only would he be failing the city, he would be failing his own stunning good looks.
"If even you won't eat them... then they are truly filthy." Thor snorted and swung Mjolnir violently into the ground. Blinding thunder instantly exploded on the surface, countless electric arcs spreading outward like silver snakes. The zombie toddlers were electrocuted until they convulsed, wisps of blue smoke rising from their charred skin.
The air was immediately filled with the stench of charred rot.
"It seems these monsters aren't that strong." Thor flicked his hammer, his long blond hair fluttering in the electricity, a hint of pride on his face. He felt proud of his own power.
Ian, however, rubbed his chin, feeling he couldn't let Thor become too arrogant. People who get too floaty tend to cause trouble. He was taking great pains for the sake of his follower.
"Ordinary zombies are indeed not strong. However, they are only the lowest rank. Above them are one-star zombies, two-star zombies, all the way to nine-star zombies."
"Going further up, there are Zombie Beings, Zombie Spirits, Zombie Kings, Zombie Emperors, Zombie Venerables, and finally—the one zombie the entire world is permitted to hold—the Zombie Deity!"
"That is a remarkably powerful existence."
"The Zombie Deity stands at the end of time and space, surrounded by the laws of decay and eternity. His mere existence causes 'corpse spots' to appear in the river of time across billions of universes."
"With one look, karma is reversed. Beings of the past and future will all be infected with the zombie virus under His gaze. He is the personification of the End, the singularity of the zombie outbreak in the infinite multiverse."
Ian's talent as a writer remained earth-shattering. With just a casual remark, he used the layering absurd claims method to sketch out a vast and magnificent world.
His explanation sounded quite mystical.
And very earnest.
The rich son of the landlord believed him on the spot.
"Wh-what?" Thor's eyes widened, and he even began to stutter. He instinctively looked left and right, as if some terrifying thing might crawl out from underground the next second.
You couldn't blame Thor.
After all, this was Thor's first time traveling across the universe.
"Still not brave enough. A mere Zombie Deity—Lord Evil God can suppress him with one hand. You should see your face just now; it's like you heard Hela was coming to your birthday party!"
Ian gave a sharp critique.
Then.
He looked into the distance.
On the horizon, a massive figure surrounded by purple energy was slowly approaching. With every step it took, the ground shook.
The surrounding buildings collapsed one by one like toy blocks.
"Hell," Thor swallowed. "Is that what you were talking about—"
"No, that's just an ordinary zombie with a 'giant' appearance," Ian said calmly. "But according to my insight level, it's about three-and-a-half stars?"
He continued to maintain the philosophy that if you repeat a lie enough, no one will suspect it's false.
As he spoke.
Ian's eyes suddenly lit up with brilliant golden light. Two blazing beams swept out. Wherever they passed, the zombies let out sharp shrieks. Their bodies were compressed and twisted by a bizarre power, finally turning into... zombie babies. Even that giant zombie turned into a tiny baby.
They lay on the ground, their skin wrinkled and grayish-blue, letting out faint awoo cries. Rotted little hands clawed weakly at the air, looking both disgusting and bizarre.
"This... what kind of wicked method is this?!"
Thor was flabbergasted, his jaw nearly hitting the ground.
"[Atavism Ray]. It's a bit more environmentally friendly than [Pupil of the Eternal Day]." Ian blinked, the gold light fading. He rubbed his temples as if relieving some mental burden.
[Retro-Evolution Ray]: The Mutation Overlord can release a beam of "Retro-Evolution Ray" from the eyes. After hitting a target, it forces their genetic sequence to devolve toward a primitive form or younger form, causing their strength, intelligence, senses, and even appearance to regress. The degree of regression depends on the target's mutation level and the duration of the ray.
[This skill has significant effects on mutants, superhumans, demons, angels, and artificial life. For ordinary humans, it may regress them to more primitive biological forms, such as beasts or reptiles—evolution is the glory you bestow, and regression is the punishment you bring down.]
This new ability was being used for the first time.
The effect was good.
But the mental burden was indeed quite high. Of course, Ian felt using this skill was necessary; after all, burning zombies to ash was too polluting to the environment.
Regressing them to babies was much greener.
Green Ian.
That's the one!
"Don't you think they're much cuter now?"
He reached down and kicked a zombie baby by his foot, asking Thor.
Thor looked like he had swallowed an entire Frost Giant.
"...You call this cute?!"
He still couldn't quite understand the Evil God's aesthetic.
"At least they have no teeth; they can't bite anyone now." Ian spread his hands, his tone relaxed. "And look, they can't even crawl. They can only stay on the ground crying 'awoo.' So much easier to manage."
"In the future, I'll raise kids like this too."
Ian's divergent thinking was always excellent. His parenting viewpoint left Thor silent for several seconds. Staring at the zombies-turned-babies, he finally couldn't help but ask.
"Where exactly did you learn this... this kind of method?" Thor had already researched legends about Evil Gods; the Evil Gods in Asgardian myths were nothing like Ian.
"Does one need to specifically learn this?" Ian tapped his head and said with a smile, "These are all fruits harvested from the 'World-Shaking Wisdom Tree' in my own brain."
His words were full of praise for his own mind. He believed his Super Brain would surely sense the emotional praise.
"..."
Thor was again at a loss for words. Speechless, he could only look down to observe the zombie babies. They had indeed lost their aggressiveness, but their skin remained death-gray and their eyes were clouded and lifeless; clearly, they were not truly living things. Thor frowned, a sense of unease rising in his heart.
"Ian..."
He spoke softly, his tone rarely carrying a hint of gravity.
"Where exactly have we come to?"
Regarding this strange world, Thor had a very bad intuition.
Ian finally retracted his smile and looked around—at the blood-red sky, the rotting earth, and the faint roars of zombies and shrieks of unknown creatures in the distance.
He took a deep breath and slowly uttered two words.
"Zombie Universe."
Ian was serious for exactly one second.
"I bet there's a zombie version of you here—and you definitely can't beat Zombie Thor!" Ian spoke with absolute certainty, making Thor want to argue in defiance.
Just then.
A tragic scream suddenly rang out from the distance.
"Aaahhh—my rear!!"
Ian and Thor turned simultaneously. The voice was rhythmic and carried the theatricality unique to American heroes; it sounded like a soprano solo from a Broadway musical.
"As expected of Cap, who has been a model, a singer, and done all sorts of jobs! It seems Gungnir didn't hit Zombie Cap; Zombie Cap wouldn't scream that beautifully."
Ian immediately fished out a band-aid and ran toward the sound. He saw Cap's rear had been struck by Gungnir, and the man was lying on the ground in great sorrow.
Gungnir was precisely stuck in the center of his firm buttocks.
Gwen was frantically trying to help him pull the spear out.
With every tug, Cap let out a higher-decibel scream.
"Gently! Gently! This is a human rear, not a vibranium rear!"
Cap hammered the ground in pain.
However, judging by the strength of the voice, the injury wasn't truly heavy. Under Ian's coaxing, Gungnir's temper wasn't as bad as it used to be; it knew how to moderate its strike.
"I'm trying! but this spear is stuck too deep!"
Gwen bit her lip and gave a violent pull.
"Aow!!"
Cap's scream scared off even more blood-eyed crows.
"Gwen, I knew you were the 'quasi-believer' who most takes after me!" Ian rushed over and knelt on one knee under Gwen's panicked gaze. He first pulled a spray bottle from his pocket with a label that read Strong-Effect Rear Repair Cream (Strawberry Scent) and gave Cap's wound two *spritz-spritzes*.
Then, with the skill of a professional phone-screen protector installer, he *thwacked* on a giant-sized band-aid.
Cap looked up, his blue eyes containing physiological tears, and opened his mouth to curse. Ian's hand was faster, stuffing a stack of US dollars over. "Trauma subsidy, Captain."
This was a benefit everyone in the New Justice League received.
Ian liked to tailor his approach to the person.
"What? This many... this many dollars?" Cap's face changed instantly. He grabbed the bills and counted them, his smile as bright as a child seeing an ice cream truck.
"I am a loyal soldier! A mere 'fatal' injury is nothing!" He tried to flip up coolly, but touched the wound and let out a hiss, collapsing back onto the ground.
Just as Cap wanted to express that as long as his vitals weren't targeted, anything was negotiable, a thunderous engine roar suddenly came from the sky. A sinister-looking flying vehicle tore through the clouds, its rear spraying pale blue flames. After tracing a dangerous arc at low altitude, it landed heavily before everyone.
The vehicle's hatch popped open with a *hiss*, and a petite figure leaped down nimbly. She wore a skin-tight black combat suit, with a strange-looking pulse pistol at her waist and short hair blowing in the wind. When she looked up and her gaze swept over the group, it suddenly froze on Ian.
"Uncle Ian?"
The girl was stunned.
She opened with a relative-recognizing entanglement skill.
Catching Ian, a master of such things, completely off guard.