"You want me to write in this? Really?"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not real, you blasted fool."
"You're real to me."
"...just give me the damn book."
A conversation recorded between Archmage REDACTED and his REDACTED, set shortly before REDACTED. It is unknown if REDACTED really thinks REDACTED is real.
Note added by REDACTED:
Alright, I know that the Imperial censors do what they can to limit the spread of redacted information, but I'm starting to question what the point of this one really is. What lesson does it teach me? What wisdom am I meant to gleam?
How much of what I add will be redacted after I'm dead? My wife, REDACTED? How about REDACTED, or REDACTED? If so, why am I even bothering anymore? Isn't the point of this book so that Archmages can actually read unfiltered truths of the past?
Whatever. Fuck this thing, and fuck the Empire. My predecessor took herself and her apprentices into the Dungeon, and I'm starting to see why.
Excerpt from The Beasts of the Dungeon.
REPLACE WITH LINE BREAK p^o^q REPLACE WITH LINE BREAK
"No, no, see, look." Not-Marcus took the quill, scratching out the runic formation Marcus had just added. "It works on a large scale, yeah, but it puts too much stress on the containment barriers. This one lowers the efficiency, but it should be more stable overall."
Marcus hummed, looking it over. He agreed after a moment, but added a secondary ring around the whole structure. "What about this?"
"That would work," not-Marcus replied, tapping a small wooden stick against his leg. An interesting habit, that, and one he didn't have himself. "It would nearly double the number of runes used, but it should allow you to add a technically infinite number of connections. Actually, if we're going with a secondary ring, why not add this?"
Not-Marcus pulled the initial, small connection hub formation apart, spreading it in yet another layer at the edge. After a moment the paper blurred, and the rings inverted. Now it read; portal, security, stability, connection, stability, containment, fail-safe. It would nearly double the size of the whole thing, and make it stand at twenty feet high, but bigger was probably better anyway.
Twenty feet high, forty feet at its base. And that was just the portal, since the stone itself would add to it, but it should be big enough to allow for even the largest wagons to pass through.
"The security measure should be human focused," not-Marcus pointed out, tapping the paper. "Yeah. Limiting it to just humans is by far the most secure. Demons, the Dungeon, even other races. It can't be keyed to specific mages, that much I understand, but letting it be used by anyone is practically inviting misuse."
Marcus shifted, but was forced to agree. And he finally found a name for this Marcus, too. Pureblood-Marcus. He was nice enough, and not too overt with it, but it was there. Humanity first, everything else was evil, track all the non-human kind of ideals.
But it wasn't like he could find another Marcus, not if he wanted this done on time, and the man was both skilled and willing to help.
Pureblood-Marcus nodded after a moment. "That's it. I'm still working on my own sixth matrix, but I'll definitely be using this one. Maybe with a stricter filter built in, but then I'm guessing you don't have as much time as I do."
"I really don't," Marcus replied, sighing. "It's unfair, really. You got actual dragons to help you out. Dragons. Helping."
Compared to his other selves, he was actually in one of the worst possibilities. Not the worst, but there. Dungeon Breaks, alongside the plague in Parna and the death of dragons. It also made him one of the more dangerous ones, but he'd rather have dragon allies.
Dragons being allies. And apparently they nested in the Dungeon, too, and ate all the Hounds and Champions and such coming upwards. Life was unfair, man. Hells, Pureblood-Marcus had re-established trade with Parna, which was still populated.
Apparently his version of Elly had a father instead of a mother, and the man had literally invaded four separate Kingdoms when they refused to help against the plague. Elly had to get it from somewhere, he supposed.
Pureblood-Marcus sighed dreamily, again, and Marcus shuddered. Not-him shrugged. "Sue me, I'm in love. You had to see her, man. Standing there in a dress made of roses, scowling so fiercely you'd think I was there to kill her. It was magical."
"Uh-huh." Marcus rearranged the paper, rolling his eyes. He and Elly weren't destined to be together, but it sure happened more than statistical variance accounted for. Hells, sometimes they started as literal enemies, then got married anyway. "Can we get back to—"
Marcus paused, and not-him raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"I'm in love with my wife."
"Good for you?"
Marcus turned to the man, his reservation about politics temporarily forgotten. "I'm in love with my wife."
"You said that," the man replied, growing confused. "Sorry, why is this important? You're married. Go have some kids, or something. I want at least four, but Elly is more likely to stab me than to get close. Ah, I'll win her over. Maybe with an army? Hey, you build an army, right? Did she like it?"
Marcus ignored the man, conjuring a chair to sit down in. This. This was bad. Horrible. Great? It was something, yes. Wait, did she like him? Why was he thinking about this? Oh fuck, should he tell her?
"Are you having a panic attack?" pureblood-Marcus asked, rolling his eyes. "Blessed Wyvern, get a hold of yourself. You're married to her. The hard part is done."
Right, yes. Of course. No need to panic. Yeah. He snatched the paper from the desk, realized a moment later it didn't actually exist, and cleared his throat. "I have to go."
"But we have more alterations to make," the other him protested, turning to him. "We could secure the future of our race by—"
Marcus pulled out, opening his eyes to an empty chamber. Right, so. Should he tell her? What was the worst that could happen, right? Nothing bad, certainly. Hells, not like she would leave, or get upset, or stab him, or…
Maybe he should write down the portal design first. Yeah. Couldn't forget that. And then he had a training session with his apprentices, and he should actually test out the design. Then the Empress had to be informed, plans needed to be made, portal cities chosen. So much work.
That other thing could wait.
REPLACE WITH LINE BREAK p^o^q REPLACE WITH LINE BREAK
Marcus watched Elly walk into the room, raising an eyebrow at his expression, and she tilted her head. "What?"
"I think I'm in love with you."
Elly looked between the paper he had been writing on, paper that was slowly being filled with diagrams, and an empty cup at his side. "Have you been drinking?"
"Yes," he replied freely, pouring himself more wine. "But not to the point of drunkenness. I don't feel the urge to teleport away when you get close, I trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone, and every time I picture the future, you're there. Therefore, I'm in love with you. Also, we're statistically likely to end up together."
Elly slowly stalked towards him, which he watched with a curious blink. His resolve to not deal with this had lasted all about two seconds after seeing her, but still. This was going better than expected.
He wasn't dead, for one thing, and she hadn't run away screaming.
She bent over to look at him, kissed his nose, and took her own seat. "I love you too, you colossal idiot. Hand me the wine."
Marcus poured her a cup, which she drained, and he refilled it when she waved her hand. Well, alright then. What had he been scared of, exactly?
"I finished the portals, by the way," he said, tapping the paper. She looked at it and shrugged, which was fair enough. "Yeah. What have you been up to?"
"Well, my plan to seduce you has been foiled, so I guess nothing. So unless you feel like locking the door, I could do with some food."
He shrugged. "If you'd like to try, sure. I promise nothing."
"I only want to try if you want to try, and you're not there yet." Elly waved her hand dismissively. "So, portals?"
Marcus spread out the diagrams, happy enough to go with it. "Portals. It will be relatively simple to tune them to one another at will, which will make it possible to create a web of connections. They come with some basic security measures, but the not-Marcus I was working with was too pro-human for my tastes. Nice enough, but I wouldn't want him to invent my security."
"Sure," Elly allowed, calling out a moment later. A servant entered the tent, bowing low, and she ordered food for the both of them. He was too busy organizing the papers to pay much attention, because he seemed to have lost one. Fuck. Elly raised an eyebrow at his expression. "Problem?"
"Nope. Found it. Anyway, a spatial mage will be able to tune the portals to another one in the same network, and I'll leave security to the Empress. It will basically mean handing them over, but at this point I highly doubt she's going to try anything. And if she does, they're my portals in a way that transcends normal logic. They can't be used against us."
"I love you," Elly whispered, suddenly appearing to be very close. Marcus turned to look at her, her face looming in his field of view. She smiled so widely he was almost concerned. "I'm trying to play this cool, I promise."
Marcus kissed her nose, because revenge, and nudged her back to her seat. "I love you too. And I appreciate that. Please note that I, as a person, haven't actually changed."
"And neither have I," she replied, clearly deciding she would actually much prefer to sit on the floor. On the floor and leaning on his own seat, specifically. "Nothing has changed, then?"
"Yes but actually no, so yes."
Elly nodded, tilting her head backwards to look at him. "Well said."
"Thank you." He tapped the papers. "As I was saying, they can't be used against us, but I have a feeling things are about to move very quickly. Is the army ready? We won't be traveling with it for much longer."
She nodded. "They're going to River Reach, which is big enough to garrison them. It's the new seat of the frontlines, and in critical need of an army. There's already two Legions there, but both are wounded and understrength. It won't be a problem."
"We'll start there, then. Build a portal, take a small force to wherever, then build another one. Then keep doing that until the Empire is interconnected, which should let the Empress move her resources around much, much more quickly."
"You already sent her a message?"
"I sent a summon, yeah. It's the best I can do from here."
"You know she's going to send a babysitter once she hears the news, right?"
"I know. I requested Vistus, but we'll see."
Elly rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you actually somewhat like the old man."
"We're friendly," Marcus agreed easily. "Friends, maybe. I won't go so far to say I've forgiven him for the invasion, but I understand the choice he had to make. It's the same one I made with Estin, though that was on a far smaller scale. Kill the few to save the many."
"We made that decision with Estin."
Marcus looked at her, raising his eyebrow. "No, I did. I appreciate the gesture, but if I have to make shitty, hard choices, I prefer not to hide from them."
She inclined her head after a long moment, and not long after that food arrived. The somewhat awkward moment passed, the wine helping with that, and he didn't mind when she rested her head on his leg.
Elly spoke after finishing the last cheese cube, sighing. "I like the army. It'll be a shame to be away from it."
"You could stay," he offered. That would suck, but, well, he wasn't going to tell her that. Wait, why wouldn't he? "Which would suck, but I'm not going to force you to babysit me. Even if the Empress doesn't send Vistus, I'm quite capable of taking care of myself."
She bumped his leg with her head. "I'll come, and not to babysit you. The portal network will revolutionize trade, military logistics, the economy as a whole and probably politics. No offense, but you can get stuck on the 'how', and not bother with the consequences."
"Offense taken," he replied mildly. "I think things through, thank you very much."
"Oh yeah? How much is one of your portals worth? Let's say a pair of them, to keep things simple, and without the ability to attune others. Just a single connection between two places. How much?"
Marcus opened his mouth, closed it, then grunted. "I was more thinking in terms of favor and political power I would accumulate with them."
"Which is good," she assured. "But you could ask for a million gold per pair, and the Empress would pay. Gladly. You could demand Legions, privileges, land and specialists. You could grow Mirrania's borders twofold, or worm your way into the highest echelons of Imperial politics. Instead you think about future—and implied—favors. Implicit gratitude that might very well not exist."
He hummed. "Fair, but we are dying. It seems childish to demand things at the end of the world. If we fail, all the gold on the planet won't be worth a cup of clean water."
"And they'll take those noble intentions, praise you for them, and make themselves richer than the Silent Gods." Elly offered him an upside down grin. "That's why I'm coming with you. Well, that and the fact that the thought of you fighting a Calamity on your own is displeasing. I'd miss you, you know?"
He patted her head, which he was both in a prime position to do and earned him a mild hiss, before replying. "And I'd miss you. Now enough sappy stuff. We're supposed to be the Archmage and Warrior-Queen."
"We are," she replied happily. "And I'll violently murder anyone who tries to tell me who to be. A nice perk of power is being able to tell people to fuck off, or else."
Marcus snorted. "You're so violent it's almost cute. I still haven't forgotten about that Calamity scalp you keep as a trophy."
"That was one time," she complained. "And you stole someone's… what was it? A ring?"
"Pearl, but yeah. I took that from Circe's neck, but looting is different from scalping."
"I'll share the scalp, then."
He snorted. "How kind. Now come on, I want to test my new sixth-level spell. If they kept their course, there should be a small horde of Hounds behind us."
"Fine, but only if we're riding. My horses need exercise."
Marcus shrugged, so they got moving. Xathar was pleased at getting to show up a mundane warhorse, which was nice, and it even got competitive when Elly demonstrated her ability to infuse her mount with Life.
Quite a lot of Life, actually. She'd been able to do that before, but that was back when she was still a somewhat normal Life Enhancer. Life Enhanced? Back when she practiced normal Life Enhancement.
Elly grinned at him when her mount kept pace with Xathar, who was more than willing to vent his displeasure. "Abominable. A mutation of the vilest order. Bush mage, I demand that you kill this creature at once."
"I'm married to her," Marcus replied calmly, having to shift in his seat to maintain balance. Elly glared at him, then glanced behind them. Their guards could be seen in the far distance, not that they would be needed. Marcus raised an eyebrow. "Oh, sorry, was that not what you meant?"
"Kill this abomination, bush mage, and I'll lower my usual payment to only four dozen apples."
Elly laughed while Marcus tried to keep his breathing even. Xathar's hooves dug into the floor like muffled explosions, and he wondered how people could ever complain about teleportation. Elly spoke when she was done cackling. "This is great. This is amazing."
Xathar increased his speed, which Elly's mount matched after a moment, and the demon really didn't seem to like that.
"Abomination!" Xathar screamed. Marcus had to grip his mane to stop himself from falling, and the demon tried to ram Elly's mount. It dodged, whinnying loudly, and Xathar's teeth snapped dangerously close to its neck. "Blood for the blood chair. Death for the Seventh Circle!"
Marcus decided that was plenty enough of that, teleporting them all away. It bled their momentum to nothing, causing Elly's mount to scramble and Xathar to raise his hooves, and Marcus moved them away before the demon could kill the horse.
"Easy," Marcus soothed, running his hand through Xathar's mane. The demon was breathing loudly, glaring at the somewhat surprised Elly. Well, at her horse, which looked terrified, but still. "Calm, Xathar. Calm."
"Blood. Death. River of Skull."
Calming the demon took a few minutes, and some bribery, before Marcus dismissed him to the Hells. Xathar went after some more grumbling, and a demand for scratches, and Marcus only walked back to Elly when the demon was gone.
Her own horse was looking much calmer, and she appeared to be inspecting its leg. "Problem?"
"I'm not sure," she replied, letting go of the hoof and picking up another one. The horse complied after a few skittish stomps. "I think my more energized Life energy is rough on him. More so than it already was."
"Xathar will be glad to hear it. I wouldn't leave those two unattended."
Elly snorted. "That was something else. He's calm now?"
"As calm as he'll ever be. Probably best if we don't do that again, even if hearing a demon call something an abomination was funny."
"Yeah." Elly handed her horse off to their approaching guards, stretching lightly. "Anyway, the horde should be here any minute now. What's the plan?"
"I'm going to stand on that hill and hopefully wipe them out. I won't have any defenses but that of my armor, so keep an eye out. One shield and some elemental protection isn't much. This will probably be pretty draining, too."
"Don't worry," she cooed. "I'll take good care of my weak, helpless mage."
Marcus rolled his eyes, tone chiding. "Don't be creepy. Ah, fuck. Look."
She did, and didn't seem surprised to find the Hounds already here. The army's outriders took care of any wandering beast, so only large groups were a problem, but that didn't mean they ever stopped being harassed. And Elly, and to extension her pupils, acted as early warning beacons. The commanders were on a rotating schedule to deal with them, usually.
"No rest for the wicked," she chirped, lightly pushing him towards the top of the hill. He glared at her and teleported, though she arrived in a flash. "Don't be rude. T-Minus thirty seconds, husband of mine. Better prepare yourself."
He sent her one last glare before turning to the horde, which he found to be mostly grounded. There were a few birds, mostly the clawless kind, but overall it was just a lot of centaurs. Hounds didn't tend to segregate themselves, at least not on purpose, but it happened.
Even the centaurs, with their human-like parts, were rabid beasts. Expecting organization was, thankfully, foolish.
Marcus took a breath, letting his mostly fond irritation bleed away. He had only the one other sixth-tier spell, personal portals, and while he had a few ideas, they weren't combat oriented. Or even that useful, at least not yet.
But this, this was something else. Spatial arcs continued to be his most efficient spell, but linking more matrices to it didn't actually accomplish much. The edge would be somewhat more infinitesimally sharp, or its width a little wider. A shape change, at best. Nothing to get excited about.
A proper sixth-tier spell, though? One built on that foundation but expanded with proper planning? Marcus felt a small grin form, and finished crafting the spell.
The 'fuck you and everyone close to you' was flooded with power, and when the horde was some two klicks away, he let it go. Unlike his usual spatial arcs this one didn't travel to its location, manifesting inside their ranks instead.
Dozens of arcs lashed out in every direction, individually weak but numerous. The few Hounds closest to the spell fell apart, flesh and bone disassembling into a vague sludge, while everything around it for a hundred feet was minced into fine chunks. Up, down, sideways. It didn't matter.
He checked his reserves, guesstimating that took about five times the power of a third-tier spatial arc. But where that needed the Hounds to be in a line, and required mostly flat ground, its sixth-tier brother didn't.
Marcus formed another one, in the sky this time, and the small flock of Hounds plummeted to the ground. Those flying bastards had always been inefficient to kill, so it made him grin wider.
Six more activations, and the horde was gone. It was reduced to a few panicked stragglers, and Marcus turned towards the watching Elly with slightly spread arms. "Ta-da."
"That's bullshit," she replied, folding her own arms. "Complete, utter bullshit. It needs a name."
"It has a name. It's called the 'fuck you and everyone close to you' spell."
"A proper name. I'll think of something."
Marcus sniffed imperiously. "You think all you want, I'm calling it the 'fuck you and everyone close to you' spell. If someone doesn't take it seriously, I'll give a demonstration. See if they're still laughing then."
"You're horrible," Elly replied, rolling her eyes. "But I guess you're useful, so I'll keep you around for a little while longer."
He snorted, then teleported her away. She resisted, but he had plenty of power left over, so she went anyway. Elly returned not seconds later, pretending nothing had happened. Marcus smiled pleasantly. "That's what I thought. Lunch?"
"We just ate lunch."
"No we didn't. That was breakfast. Wait, what time is it?"
"You're an idiot."
"And you're married to one, so suck it."
"I wish, but someone won't let me."
"I'm pure," he shot back. "Innocent. Nothing like you."
"The innocent mage inventing the mincemeat spell. Checks out."
"I'm glad you think so."
Elly sighed. "Let's just go. We need to get to River Reach."
"Of course. I win, then?"
"Win what?"
"I donno. Gloating privileges?"
She didn't reply, which was rude, but she only made it to her horse before she lost her self-control and called him a svínarí, which either meant greedy or a pigfucker. Damn, he needed to make some time to study more Caldirian. Her using her own language was becoming a weakness.
Later. First he needed a good comeback, and then he needed to insult her more.
It was hard work, but someone had to keep her ego in check.
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