"Off you go, then."
Hu Tao watched Zhongli walk away, that oddly mismatched little pushcart trundling along behind him, and gave a cheerful wave goodbye.
"Alright. Time to get down to business."
She tidied the books in her burlap sack, hefted it over her shoulder, and made her way toward the queue — stopping just behind a young woman in a green dress, roughly ten or so people from the front. She gave her a light tap on the shoulder.
"Excuse me — can I help you?"
The woman in green turned around with a puzzled look.
"Miss, do you enjoy reading Fang Qiu's books?" Hu Tao asked.
"I do."
The woman nodded with a smile. "I only got interested in novels a couple of days ago after reading Fang Qiu's Your Name. I'm here today to pick up her new book and some of her older ones."
"Is that so." Hu Tao's eyes curved into crescent moons. "I have one more question for you."
"What is it?" the woman asked, still puzzled.
"How much do you know about Wangsheng Funeral Parlor?" Hu Tao asked.
"Wangsheng Funeral Parlor? Isn't that the place that handles funeral arrangements? What's there to know about it?"
The woman in green furrowed her brow.
"Here's the deal," Hu Tao said brightly. "If you're willing to let me tell you a little bit about Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, I'll give you a free copy of Fang Qiu's brand-new book, 5 Centimeters Per Second. Sound fair?"
"The way this line is moving, you're looking at two, maybe four hours of waiting," she continued. "But if you give me just fifteen minutes of your time, you can walk home with a book in hand right now — and come back another day when the crowds have died down to buy the rest. How about it? A good deal, yes?"
"Hmm…"
The woman in green hesitated for a moment, then finally agreed to Hu Tao's proposal.
Hu Tao led her to one side and proceeded to give her a thorough rundown — the full history of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, plus all the latest promotional packages they'd recently rolled out.
"So? Feeling tempted?" Hu Tao blinked at her expectantly.
"...Can I... go now?"
The woman in green looked deeply uncomfortable.
"Fair enough, time's about up anyway. Here's your book. Off you go." Hu Tao let out a small sigh.
"Right. Thank you."
The woman in green took the book, mumbled her thanks, and promptly turned and walked away.
"Sigh. Next one."
Undeterred, Hu Tao began scanning the queue for her next target.
Meanwhile, the two Treasure Hoarders had sprinted down an alleyway. Only once they looked back and saw no one following did they finally skid to a stop.
"Boss, what did we run for?! And we gave away the books for free on top of that!"
The fatty braced himself against the alley wall, doubled over and gulping down air between words.
"What do you know," the lean young man wheezed, hunched over and pale-faced. "If I hadn't kept my wits about me, we'd both be in serious trouble right now."
"What kind of trouble? With our skills, those two were nothing — one looked like a total pushover and the other was just a little girl. No way they'd be any match for us. Even if they called in the Millelith, we could've slipped away easy, couldn't we?"
The fatty looked genuinely baffled.
"What do you know."
The lean young man smacked the fatty on the back of the head — and immediately recoiled, grimacing at the sweat now on his palm. He wiped it off on the wall, then turned to him with an expression of grave, haunted seriousness. "What I'm about to tell you — don't get scared."
"Relax, boss. I'm a Treasure Hoarder. I don't scare easy. Go ahead."
Seeing his boss look that serious, the fatty gave a solemn nod.
"Do you remember — before Sister Bao'er transferred you into my squad, I had a different guy under me?"
the lean young man said.
"Yeah," the fatty nodded, still puzzled.
"One day, him and me — we ran into a ghost out at Wuwang Hill."
The lean young man's face went pale at the memory.
The fatty's expression turned serious at once. "A ghost... which one?"
"Not 'which one' — I mean an actual ghost. The kind that comes after your soul when you die. A thing that used to be a person. You understand what I'm saying?"
Already winded from running, the lean young man nearly rolled his eyes clean out of his skull at that question.
"Got it, got it. Keep going, boss."
Seeing his boss's expression shift into full-on I'm-about-to-hit-you territory, the fatty quickly waved him on.
"Sister Bao'er had given us a treasure map for Wuwang Hill that day. That night, we went together. Barely made it a little ways in before we ran right into it — the ghost had this tongue, long as you please, came lashing right at us. And then that girl showed up right behind it and beat the living daylights out of both of us. I felt like a…"
The more the lean young man spoke, the worse his color got. His hands were shaking like a leaf in a storm. Finally, he sucked in a long breath and said, "You understand now?"
"I... I understand. So... so what do we do now?"
Seeing his boss's face reach the absolute limit of its pallor, the fatty's own expression filled with dread.
"What can we do? We leave it to fate and hope she's magnanimous enough not to have us on her mind. Otherwise, we're done for. Those two thousand Mora — consider it the price of a little peace of mind."
The lean young man let out a long sigh. "Ahhh... why is making a little extra cash so dang hard."
"So... are we doing this again next time?" the fatty asked hesitantly.
"We'll see... come on, let's put more distance between us and here before someone catches up."
And with that, the lean young man took off running again.
...
At that same moment.
Zhongli was strolling unhurriedly down the main street, paying no mind whatsoever to the curious looks from passersby, pushing the little cart all the way back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.
"Master Zhongli, didn't you go with the Director to Wanwen Bookhouse to buy Miss Fang Qiu's new book? Why are you back so soon?"
The female undertaker blinked in surprise at the sight of him.
"The new books have already been purchased," Zhongli said calmly.
"That fast?"
She blinked again — and then her gaze landed on the towering stack of books piled onto the little pushcart behind him. She couldn't help but murmur in admiration, "As expected of Master Zhongli, to have secured so many books so quickly."
"The credit for this belongs to the Director," Zhongli said.
"Then where is the Director? Didn't she go with you?" the female undertaker asked.
"The Director had a few more matters to attend to. She asked me to bring the books back first," Zhongli replied.
He pressed a hand briefly to his forehead, then added, "Could I trouble you to help distribute these books to the rest of the staff at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor? I'll treat you to a meal next time."
"Oh, then I'll certainly be looking forward to that," the female undertaker said with a smile, accepting the handles of the little pushcart from him.
"Many thanks," Zhongli said, picking up one of the copies for himself and giving a mild nod.
"You will remember to bring money this time, won't you, Master Zhongli? No putting it on Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's tab again — the people from that Mondstadt dessert shop came by to settle accounts the other day, and they complained that you'd been running up a tab even for a single cup of tea."
The female undertaker covered her mouth, laughing.
Zhongli showed not even a flicker of embarrassment. He simply smiled faintly and said, "Rest assured."
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