Chapter 128 Balgruf Secret
Alex made his way toward Dragonsreach, intending to meet Balgruuf to discuss the Emperor's request. At the same time, he also wanted to ask for an enchanter's table to be installed in his home.
As Alex stepped into the chamber, his boots echoing softly against the stone floor, his gaze instinctively swept across the room only to pause the moment it landed on Farengar.
Something felt… off.
For once, the court wizard wasn't hunched over his desk in obsessive concentration, nor was he muttering to himself while flipping through dusty tomes. Instead, he stood there almost absentmindedly, his shoulders slightly slumped as if weighed down by invisible pressure. The usual spark in his eyes the sharp, almost feverish glint of curiosity was dimmed. Dark circles hung beneath them, and his movements seemed slower, heavier, like each step required effort.
Alex's brows drew together faintly, his expression tightening as concern flickered across his face.
Has he… hit a wall in his research?
The thought lingered in his mind as he observed Farengar for another brief moment, noticing the subtle signs the way his fingers paused mid-motion, the unfocused look in his eyes, as if his thoughts were tangled beyond clarity.
Letting out a quiet breath, Alex made his decision.
Instead of heading straight toward Balgruuf, he shifted his steps and walked toward Farengar, his pace calm but deliberate, curiosity and concern guiding him forward.
"Hey, Farengar," Alex greeted him with a casual smile.
Farengar, dark circles clearly visible beneath his eyes, turned to look at him. "Ah, Alex… do you need something from me?"
Seeing his condition, Alex couldn't help but feel a bit concerned. "Haven't you thought about taking a break for a while? Try looking at yourself in the mirror you look completely exhausted."
But Farengar remained stubborn, clinging to his research. "No… I'm very close now. I can almost reach the answer I've been searching for."
Alex let out a long sigh. "You really are a research-obsessed maniac…"
Then Alex's expression shifted, the casual ease in his face fading into something more serious. His brows lowered slightly, and his gaze steadied on Farengar not harsh, but firm, as if he truly wanted his words to sink in.
He raised a hand a little, gesturing toward Farengar's head as he spoke, his voice calm but carrying quiet weight.
"Hey… even your brain needs rest."
He paused for a brief moment, letting the words settle, before continuing.
"If you keep pushing it past its limits," he added, his tone growing more deliberate, "it'll end up overworked. Your mind will get stressed… and when that happens, it doesn't become sharper it shuts down. The ideas you're trying so hard to find? They'll just stop coming."
As he spoke, Alex's eyes drifted slightly to the side, no longer fully focused on Farengar. His expression softened, a faint shadow of something distant passing over his face like he was looking at something only he could see.
Memories.
In his previous life, he had lived through exactly that.
Nights where the world outside his window was silent and dark, yet his room remained lit by a cold, artificial glow. His shoulders hunched over a desk for hours on end, eyes burning, vision blurring, fingers still forcing themselves to move. The ticking clock would creep toward dawn, but sleep was never an option not when deadlines loomed like a blade over his neck.
He could almost feel it again the dryness in his throat, the heaviness in his eyelids, the dull ache in his shoulder that never quite went away.
All of it… just to avoid being scolded by his boss.
A faint, humorless smile tugged at his lips.
"That kind of life…" he muttered quietly, almost to himself, his voice losing some of its firmness, "it's like living in hell."
His hand slowly lowered to his side, fingers curling slightly as if remembering the tension they once held.
"You keep telling yourself it'll be worth it in the end," he continued, now looking back at Farengar, his gaze steady but carrying a quiet understanding, "but before you realize it… you're not living anymore. You're just… enduring."
He exhaled softly through his nose, the seriousness in his expression easing just a little.
"And that's not something I'd recommend to anyone."
Alex then continued, "At least try looking at the view outside the grass is so green, and the sky is beautiful. You might even find some inspiration from it."
Farengar fell silent for a moment, reflecting on his words. In the end, he let out a small sigh of surrender. "You're right… I should take a short break."
Seeing that, Alex smiled in satisfaction. "That's more like it. Even if your research could save many lives, if your body collapses, you won't be able to enjoy the results anyway, right?"
Farengar gave a faint smile and nodded. Then he turned and walked into his bedroom, deciding to rest for a while and step away from his research.
After Alex stepped out from Farengar's quarters, Balgruuf who had been watching the scene from a distance approached him.
"Alex, thank you for persuading Farengar," Balgruuf said. "Lately, he's been too focused on his research and hasn't been taking care of his health."
Alex simply smiled, brushing it off as something minor. "It's nothing, really. I didn't do much. Sooner or later, he would've taken a break himself once he realized how exhausted his body had become. That's probably why he accepted my advice so easily."
Balgruuf chuckled lightly at Alex's remark.
Balgruuf then looked at Alex, curious about his sudden visit to Dragonsreach. "So, what brings you here, Alex? Surely you didn't come all this way just to tell Farengar to take a break, did you?"
Alex let out a soft chuckle at Balgruuf's joke. "Of course not this is something more important."
His expression quickly turned serious, and Balgruuf immediately noticed the change. "Very well," he said, his tone firming. "Let's discuss what you have in mind."
Balgruuf and Alex then moved into a closed room and took their seats. Alex proceeded to explain everything the Emperor's request involving both him and Astrid.
"So, in short, Emperor Titus Mede II wants to use your status as the Dragonborn to bring an end to this civil war?" Balgruuf said, processing the information.
He rubbed his face and let out a long sigh. "Haaah… if this works, then it could truly be good news."
Balgruuf's expression gradually hardened, the earlier lightness in his demeanor fading into something far more serious. His eyes flicked briefly check there a guard or servant near them, making sure no one was close enough to overhear.
Then, with a subtle motion, he move closer to Alex close enough that their shoulders were nearly aligned. He turned slightly, angling his body to shield their conversation from prying eyes. One hand came up to his chin as if in thought, but it also served to partially cover his lips.
When he spoke, his voice dropped to a low murmur so quiet that only Alex could hear.
"To be honest…" he began, his tone heavy with restrained emotion, "even though I side with the Empire…"
He paused, his jaw tightening slightly, as if the next words carried a weight he had held back for far too long.
"I still despise the Thalmor," he continued, a faint edge of bitterness slipping through despite his effort to remain composed. "And I still worship Talos."
His eyes hardened for a brief moment, a flicker of defiance burning beneath the surface before it quickly dimmed, replaced by something more weary… more burdened.
"But for the sake of my people…" Balgruuf exhaled quietly, his shoulders lowering just a fraction. "I have to hide it."
His gaze shifted away, as if unwilling to meet Alex's eyes for a second.
"I have to smile in front of them… pretend loyalty… and comply with their demands."
There was a trace of frustration in the way his fingers curled slightly at his side subtle, controlled, but unmistakable.
Hearing this, Alex froze for a brief moment.
His eyes widened slightly, the surprise clear on his face before he could even think to hide it. The information struck him harder than he expected, his mind quickly connecting it with what he already knew.
The White-Gold Concordat.
An agreement that forced the Empire to abandon the worship of Talos… and worse, allowed the Thalmor to hunt down anyone who defied it.
For Balgruuf a Jarl openly aligned with the Empire to admit something like this…
It wasn't just surprising.
It was dangerous.
Alex's gaze lingered on Balgruuf, studying him more carefully now. The calm, composed leader he had always seen… now revealed cracks beneath the surface quiet resistance, buried beliefs, and the weight of compromise.
For a moment, Alex didn't speak.
He simply let out a slow breath, his expression shifting from shock into something more thoughtful more understanding.
Because now he realized…
Balgruuf wasn't just choosing a side.
He was sacrificing a part of himself… just to keep his people safe.
Alex's expression softened as he looked at Balgruuf again this time with a deeper sense of respect. The surprise from earlier faded, replaced by quiet admiration. He gave a small, acknowledging nod, as if recognizing the weight of the burden Balgruuf carried.
A faint smile formed on his lips not playful this time, but sincere.
"Of course…" Alex said, his voice calm and steady. He lifted one hand slightly, palm open in a subtle, affirming gesture. "That's exactly what I'd expect from someone like you."
His eyes met Balgruuf's directly, unwavering.
"You'd do anything for your people, Balgruuf," he continued, the respect in his tone unmistakable. "And I respect that."
For a brief moment, the air between them felt heavier but also clearer, as if an unspoken understanding had been reached.
Balgruuf held his gaze, then his expression eased. The tension in his face softened, and a small, appreciative smile appeared. He gave a short nod, accepting the words without pride, but with quiet gratitude.
"Very well…" he said, straightening slightly in his seat. "Perhaps I'll try to persuade Ulfric together with the Dragonborn."
As he spoke Ulfric's name, his voice slowed just a fraction.
He leaned back a little, exhaling softly, his eyes drifting away from Alex no longer focused on the present, but somewhere further back in time.
Memories resurfaced.
His fingers stilled, and his expression grew distant, touched by a mix of nostalgia and concern.
"You could say he's… an old friend of mine," Balgruuf murmured, his tone quieter now. There was a slight crease between his brows, as if recalling both good times and unresolved tensions. "We've known each other for a long time…"
He paused, his jaw tightening ever so slightly before relaxing again.
"I just hope…" he continued, his gaze lowering for a brief moment before lifting again, "that he'll be open-minded enough to listen… when I speak to him."
There was a hint of uncertainty beneath his composure but also determination. Because this wasn't just politics it was personal.
Alex agreed with Balgruuf's suggestion. Just as he was about to leave, something suddenly came to mind.
"Ah, Balgruuf could you have an enchanter's table installed in my house? I don't want to keep going back and forth here just to borrow Farengar's."
Balgruuf nodded in response. "Very well. I'll have my men take care of it."
Alex smiled. "Thanks."
And besides, he thought to himself, I don't want to create items that are too overpowered out in the open… it might end up causing unnecessary trouble.
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