~Asteria~
I remember the fear, a cold current that never fully left me, threading through my bones and carving its mark inside me.
Of course this was before I knew who I truly was.
Before I understood the world would never let me forget it.
~~~
I leapt from my seat, nearly knocking off the table, and pulled the café door open with trembling fingers.
Julian reached for my hand, but I stumbled through the doorway before he could touch me.
The world fractured. Voices, light, the ringing in my ears all bled together into a dizzying, spinning blur.
Rain struck my face like a thousand needles. It stole the air from my lungs and drenched my clothes until the fabric clung to me. I wiped my eyes with the heel of my palm, but the water kept running into them.
My hair clung to my cheeks, cold and heavy.
My hands shook so violently I almost dropped the cigarette. The lighter sparked and hissed before a thin flame finally came to life. Smoke filled my chest and grounded me just enough to feel like I still belonged to this world.
"I must be losing my mind…" I whispered to no one as my back pressed against the cold brick wall.
Her face surged back into my thoughts. Hollow eyes, blood sliding down the skin, that terrifying smile.
My stomach twisted at the memory.
What the hell is happening?
A drop of rain slid down my nose and fell onto the cigarette, making the tip hiss.
This isn't a nightmare. It's real. Or maybe…
Maybe I'm finally cracking.
The alley shifted around me as the rain fell in heavy sheets. A flickering neon sign buzzed above the café door, painting the puddles in broken red light.
Every shadow trembled at the edge of my vision.
Something tall and unmoving flickered in the corner of my eye. My shoulders locked before I even turned. Whether it was a figure or a trick of the storm, I could not tell. I held my breath as I tried to focus on it.
The street was empty, yet every shift of the air felt like a whisper against my skin.
Breathe, Asteria...
Just breathe.
A soft hum drifted from inside the café, the bitter smoke of the cigarette cutting through the panic for a moment.
Maybe Julian is right. Maybe I do need help.
But what am I supposed to say?
Hi, I'm Asteria and I see eyeless people out of nowhere. Please, don't lock me up.
Nightmares had stalked me for as long as I could remember, but those were dreams. They stayed where they belonged. Behind closed eyes. These visions were creeping into the waking world now, slithering into daylight.
A strange thought surfaced, uninvited.
The image of waking in darkness, a presence standing beside my bed.
I didn't know where the thought came from.
I pressed my hands against my temples, willing the images to fade, begging my mind to stop betraying me.
The café door opened with a quiet creak, warmth spilling into the alley for a heartbeat before the cold swallowed it.
I didn't have to look to know it was him.
Julian's presence carried a different kind of weight, a gravity my body reacted to before my mind caught up. His footsteps were careful, as if he feared startling me.
"Asteria." His voice was almost a whisper. "Hey… look at me."
I flinched at the contrast between his calm and the tempest inside me.
My eyes stayed on the wet pavement as water curled around my boots.
Julian stepped closer, his fingers warm as he tilted my chin up, lifting my gaze to meet him. His eyes lingered on me with an intensity I couldn't quite explain. Droplets glistened in his beard, sliding in narrow trails along the sharp line of his jaw. Even soaked through, he looked like nothing could move him.
"What happened?" he asked.
I opened my mouth, but only a strangled breath escaped. My jaw tightened until my teeth ached. My mind scrambled to form something coherent, something that didn't make me sound unhinged.
"I… I don't…" The sentence broke apart.
His concern felt real, yet his stillness made it difficult to breathe.
"Did someone scare you? Did someone follow you?"
If only it were that simple.
I shook my head, pressing a shaking hand to my mouth.
Julian closed the space between us, scanning me with worry as if he expected me to shatter right in front of him.
"Asteria," he murmured, voice gentle. "Talk to me."
How can I tell him that the world is unraveling at its edges?
That shadows twist when I blink?
That I'm seeing things no sane person should see?
"I think… something's wrong with me," I murmured, my voice almost lost to the rain.
His expression softened, and for a moment, the world around us felt quieter.
"You're not alone," he said. "Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."
But a cold presence pressed against my spine, whispering a different truth.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. The warmth of him spread slowly through the rain-soaked fabric between us. I let my forehead rest against him and my body eased, even if the fear remained beneath the surface.
"Come to my place," he sighed against my hair.
"I'll cook for you. We can talk… or we can sit in silence. Whatever you need."
His comfort should have soothed me, but inside, unease stirred.
We walked in silence.
Julian's hand found mine, steadying me against the chaos in my head. Streetlights blurred into halos, puddles reflecting broken shapes.
I kept checking behind me, half-expecting the shadow to appear, but the alleys remained empty. Still, I could feel a cold presence trailing just beyond my vision.
His home felt soft and warm.
Wood, earth, and the smell of dried leaves filled the space. Small plants crowded the shelves and window sills, their shadows stretching long under the lamplight. It was like a miniature forest hidden within walls.
Julian guided me to the bathroom without a word.
I peeled off my soaked clothes and let the hot water cascade over me. Steam curled around my chilled bones.
I scrubbed my skin until it ached, trying to erase the feeling of her blood sliding down my skin, but it clung to me, sinking deeper with every touch.
For a moment, I thought I saw movement in the fogged mirror behind me.
When I turned, there was only steam.
Even as warmth seeped into me, the fear lingered, a weight in my chest that refused to leave.
When I finally stepped out, wrapped in a towel, Julian took over, drying my hair with gentle, deliberate hands.
His touch was careful, patient.
My body shivered, not from cold, but from the quiet intimacy of being held gently when the world felt like it was collapsing.
I sank into the cushions, knees drawn up, letting my muscles relax.
Julian moved with quiet efficiency, boiling water, preparing mugs. Each mundane action comforted me, stitching the world together for a fleeting moment.
"Here," he offered me a steaming cup of tea and touched my knuckles with his thumb. "You are safe."
I opened my mouth, then stopped. I wanted to speak, to explain the visions, the shadows, the impossible faces. But words failed me.
"It is okay. You do not have to explain. Not yet. Just breathe."
I nodded even though safety felt fragile.
His blanket wrapped around me and his body warmed my cold hands.
I laid my head on his chest. His heartbeat was slow. Strong. A rhythm I could cling to. His breathing deepened, unhurried and even, falling in the kind of sleep that made the outside world fade.
I should have let myself follow. I should have surrendered to safety. But my body refused, and so did my mind.
The lamp painted the room in soft gold, but the corners held moving shadows. Every creak in the floor, every sigh from the radiator echoed through me, sharper than they should have.
A faint shift in the far corner caught my eye.
The air in my lungs felt too heavy.
Darkness gathered in the corners, dense and sentient.
For a moment, it seemed thicker than the rest of the room, as if something stood there that refused to fully exist.
It stirred in silence, curling and waiting, alive in ways I could not understand.
Cold brushed the back of my neck, a slow, deliberate touch that made my skin crawl.
A ghost of a finger. A quiet claim.
They are just shadows. Nothing more.
But it felt like the room had quietly filled with someone else's breathing.
Julian's arm tightened in his sleep as if his body sensed something was wrong.
A soft tap glided along the window and my heart went completely still.
A silky whisper threaded through the room, slipping past my senses and sinking into my bones.
"Fate's patience is endless..."
The voice was soft enough that I almost convinced myself I imagined it.
I clutched the blanket tighter but my fingers felt distant, like they no longer belonged to me.
My thoughts fractured, scattering before I could hold onto them.
"And it knows exactly where to find you."
The words settled into me as if they had always been there. As if I understood it without knowing why.
A soft, sinister tap echoed one last time. Then silence.
The rain rattled the window harder. Outside, the night held its breath.
~~~
I learned later how fragile safety truly is.
The warmth I clung to, the quiet I thought I could trust, was only a pause.
Something that was never mine to keep...