***[1]
It was around 20 minutes after the Kurokumo clan came for a visit, and then...you know what happened, their now sucked dry bodies were laying in a small heap outside, Byron had straight up thrown them out the window. After the initial mild shock of well, everything, the situation was a pretty damn good one for me. Hearing all those drunken ramblings about bloodfiends during my monthly cafe visits seemed to have payed off. Although my first kindred had a completely inexplicable obsession with being reffered to as ''Father'', along with dotting on me constantly and making sure i stayed out of ''Bad Habits'' as he called them, AKA smoking and swearing.
Inspite of that, he was pretty alright, incredibly strong and capable, seeming to have a genuine care for my well being, just as i'd expected from all the stories i had heard about how much bloodfiends valued their kindred.
He did have a wierd obsession with making me look pretty aswell....not like i enjoyed it or anything.
But his biggest problem, well, i was currently working on trying to fix.
I sat on the couch wearing the bloodstained garbs of the kurokumo clan members we had just killed, an assortment of random items next to me whilst Byron rested on his knees, staring intently into my eyes a few steps away.
See, Byron was.....how do i put this in a nice way....
A complete fucking moron.
He had just about the strangest form of amnesia i'd ever seen with my own eyes, to be fair, i hadn't seen much amnesia in my life, but his just perplexing.
From the information i've gotten in those brief 20 minutes, he'd sort of just...woken up one day in the middle of the backstreets, only just barely remembering who he was.
His knowledge of the way the city works was completely baffling, he knew what the head and wings were (Thank god for that) but when it came to syndicates and associations he had not a clue, took me 3 minutes to explain what a fixer was, and his first sentence after the explenation was ''Oh, you could've just told me you speak of the noble Hana and Lord Zwei!''
Other then the asociations, his knowledge of the most basic, and i cannot stress this enough, basic items also made no sense, he knew what a knife was but not a fork, he knew what carpet was but got shocked by the floor, he somehow, defying all logic, knew the internal mechanisms and functions of the human body to a level i had thought previously only available to medical professionals.
And then asked me what a fucking skull was.
On the bright side, i didn't have to teach him how to write and read, it was something he was already familliar with.
While he knew what the head was, taboos we're a completely different story, he only knew one, that during a night in the backstreets, destruction of any property was strictly prohibited, apart from that though, not a fucking clue, of course i explained the other ones immedietely upon realizing he didn't know, but in retrospect it was an actual struggle trying to figure out which taboos he could possibly break.
The knowledge and grasp he had on technology was limited, scratch that, completely primitive, attempting to start my explenation of the taboos off with gun regulations was met with ''What's a gun.''
Variations of that statement we're given as responses for: Explosives, cloning, recording devices both during the night in the backstreets and various nests.
Seemingly as if the city itself was fucking with me, he knew what taxes were though, explaining that taboo was very easy.
So there i sat, a pile of random garbage next to me, from kitchenware to hinges, doohickeys and doodads, ready to teach a manchild.
Took a deep breath before saying
''Ooooooookay, lets try this one last time.''
''What's this'' I said, holding up a fork in the air.
''Hmph, that much is obvious, it's a "fork" is it not?'' Byron responded
''Yup! It is! Looks like you finnaly got that right!''
''Only took you 10 tries...'' It took physical effort not to mutter that loud enough for him to hear, progress is progress i guess.
''Now, what's this!'' Next up on the list was a spoon.
''A spoon'' He answered calmly.
''And that?'' I said whilst pointing behind me to the sink.
''A.....Ssssssssiiiiiinnnnnnnnn....-k?''
''Right again! Good job, now lets move onto something harder! What's 1+1''
''Hmph, it is 2, your questions grow too easy, my mind will begun to dull soon eno-''
''What's 2+2 then.''
''...''
''.....''
The bastard had the audacity to start fucking sweating.
''....It is uhm...uhm.....''
''Fiiiiii...ve-''
''WRONG! ITS FOUR!'' His grievous punishment was being tapped over the head lightly with a rolled up magazine.
Byron looked up at me with the usual frowny pout ''You are most mean, is this ''Mathemagics-''
''Mathematics.''
''Matheschematics really as neccecary as you claim it to be....''
''Haah~ For the last time, yes it is, you need to know your basic multiplication by the end of the week or im gonna go crazy....''
At the mention of me going crazy, his expression hardened into one of grim determination.
''That future shall not pass, i, Byron, vow to master this multiplijigation''
''Multiplication-''
''By the end of this week.''
''....''
''My dearest son, would you be so kind as to remind me what this fabled ''Week'' is''
Took another physical effort not to facepalm at that.
''It's just....a measure of time, 7 days are in a week.''
''Oh yes of course, how could i forget something so simple.''
Little did he know that's the same thing i was wondering...
''Haah~ I'l buy you a dictionary or...an encyclopedia or something so you can learn without my help, mkay?''
He nodded at that, i knew damn well he had no idea what the fuck a dictionary was, but at this point i didn't care, atleast he was agreeing.
''Only if you let me smoke though.''
He pouted again, but reluctantly, reached into his pockets for the cigarretes one of the Kurokumo clan members had on him, actual name brand too.
Took a lighter, placed the cigarrete to my lips, lit it, deep inhale, deep exhale, good shit, very good shit.
Now that my lungs we're full of carcinogens, it was time to think about what to do.
Turning to Byron struck me with an idea, a wonder why i hadn't asked sooner.
''Hey uh, father''
He tilted his head towards me inquisitively
''Can you fight?''
He blinked twice
''Of course i can, is that not obvious?''
''No i mean like, fight fight, actual technique and skill and stuff.''
''...''
''What is ''technique.''
Should've known.
The way he dispatched the kurokumo clan was with sheer raw physical strenght, he didn't have anything even closely resembling a fighting style, practically any skilled fixer, even one with a fully prosthethic body, wouldn't have let themselves take a hit to the shoulder like he did.
The cut he made with that hardblood weapon too, while a perfect, wasn't because he was actually skilled at wielding it, it was just the matter of him being able to swing with such force that technique wasn't actually neccecary.
''That makes things tricky....'' I thought to myself whilst flicking some cigarrete ash away absentmindedly, an action that upset Byron greatly.
The smoke curled lazily around me whilst i pondered....
Byron was clearly strong, but just how strong was a mystery, sure he can dispatch some Kurokumo clan grunts pretty easily, maybe even their captain, but what beyond that?
He'd also started sorting trough random kitchenware again while i was thinking, better then bothering me atleast.
Back to my point though...my eyes flickered to him, then back to the cigarrete in my hand.
''....He can beat a Capo right.....''
My eyes turned back to him again, deeply inspecting every contour of a spork.
''Maybe a Sottocapo if im lucky.....''
''Haah~'' Took another drag of my cigarrete, exhaling slowly.
''What am i even talking about'' I muttered to myself ''Why would i even want problems with the thumb...''
Just as my hand brought the cigarrete to my lips for another inhale, my thoughts we're cut off by Byron's voice ringing out behind me, asking ''Why would you have a problem with your own appendage...''
''Oh it's, not my actual thumb, i mean the syndicate''
He tilted his head at me again ''Sin-diiii-cat? Once again it confounds me as to why you would have problems with a cat..''
.....
Took another hit of the cigarrete, this is a long, long, oh so VERY long road that i'l be traversing....
''It's, not a cat, it's like....'' My hand gestured vaguely at nothing in particular while my brain struggled to find the right words ''Think like.....''
''You know what the wings are, right?''
''Mhm'' He nodded ''I am knowledgeable of them''
''Right, so, the backstreets has something simmilar in the form of those syndicates, essentialy big organizations of people who run certain districts....they're called syndicates''
''Mhm, now i understand..''
The way he nodded at me, combined with the expression on his face, caused a deeprooted seed of doubt to form in my mind at the validity of that, i continued explaining regardless.
''Right, and the biggest of these syndicates are called the fingers, The Thumb, Index, Middle, Ring and Pinky, this district of the backstreets is run by the Thumb.''
Byron nodded intently, appearently understanding for once ''Mhm,i see, i see''
''Right, and the Thumb's entire schtick is that they're all about respect and-''
''May i ask a question?''
''.....''
''I don't see why not...''
Byron cleared his throat, he sat up again, walked over to the kitchen to bring over the spork he was inspecting earlier, shoving it so close to my face i could barely see.
''You have explained to me the supposed ''Fork'' and ''Spoon'' but may i ask what this unholy fusion of the two appears to be?''
''...''
''That's- That's...just a spork.''
''.....'' Byron placed his fingers to his chin, rubbing it deeply in thought whilst inadvertedly dropping the spork he was holding...
''Spork.....''
''Why not Fpoon?'' He asked calmly.
''....''
''Fpoon?''
''Yes, Fpoon, I find that it rolls off one's tounge more easily.''
''....Cause it sounds stupid.....''
Again, because with every growing moment it seemed increasingly apparent that my first kindred was a manchild, his face shifted into that usual frowny pout.
Just..stared at him deadpan for a few seconds before ''Sigh''
''Fine, i'l call it a ''fpoon'', happy now?''
His eyes closed in a blissed out smile as he nodded rapidly, strangely endearing to see how quickly i could make him happy.
I took another long drag of my cigarrete, exhaling the smoke, watching it dissipate into the air.
''What to do now...'' I muttered to myself.
''Perhaps we could collect more blood?''
''Mhm.....not really, that would draw too much attention..''
He tilted his head at that word, ''attention''.
''....Attention.....? Would the denizens of these backstreets fearing us not be a good thing? They would be less inclined to attack us yes?''
''Not exactly, if we draw too much attention the Hana Asociation will classify us as an exsisting threat in the city''
Once again, he was completely fucking confused at me.
''Ugh for fuck sa-'' Bit my tounge whilst snubbing my cigarrete into the ashtray ''Okay, listen.''
''You know how the Hana Asociation are oh so noble right? Well, to them, we're monsters, we kill people, and if they find out we're killing people, they'l classify us as a threat.''
Well...''Us'' wasn't really the correct term here, they'd classify Byron as a threat, i wasn't doing anything.
''Ah, i see...''
''Good good you're finnaly-''
''So we should most definetely cause terror in the backstreets! The noble Hana and Zwei would be more then terrified of retaliation if we showed them our might''
''Yes yes exac-''
''WAIT- WHA- NO!?!??! HAVEN'T YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO ANYTHING I'VE BEEN SAYING.''
''...''
''I have.''
''Well if you DID, then you'd know that if we became too big a threat, a fixer would show up to kick our teeth in.''
''Ah, but i shall dispatch them most easil-''
''What if it's a color fixer.''
''....''
''....''
''...You raise an excellent point my dearest kindred....'' Glad it finnaly made it trough his thick fucking skull atleast. ''But, how shall we feed in secret then?''
''That's a problem for later, we have enough food as is, we can just relax right no-''
My eyes quickly flickered to the stack of debt money we'd gotten from the Kurokumo clan, they would more then likely notice that it was missing but.
''Actually~ Why don't we have a little treat first before we do anything?''
He tilted his head at me again ''Trea-''
''A snack, why don't we have a snack before we decide to do anything''
His eyes lit up at the mention of ''snack''
''Oh, that was what you were suggesting? Well then....an idea most ingenious indeed!'' He proclaimed, to absolutely nobody...except me.
My eye was twitching violently while trying to figure out how he knew what the word ''Ingenious'' meant, but, my eyes turning to the stash of money on the table, over a 100,000$ Ahn's worth, made me quickly forget all my worries.
''Yup, ingenious indeed.'' My hands we're already shoving the bills down my pockets ''Now cmon, i know a good cafe around here.''
''....''
''Cafe..?''
''What is a ''Cafe?''
''Oh it's uh...like....you remember what a bussiness is?''
''You have explained it to me in detail yes.''
''Well a cafe is a type of bussiness, you exchange money there for drinks.''
''....Drinks?'' His finger found its way to his bottom lip, brows furrowing in thought.
''Oh, like blood!''
''No they don-''
''I see why you wer adamant on suggesting we go to this ''Kafae'' first, i had no idea a wondrous place even exsisted...''
...I was too tired to correct him, so i just, sat up, having finished putting the bills in my pockets as my bare feet sloshed against the bloodsoaked carpet.
''Yup, it's a....realllll wondrous place....''
My hands paused at the door as i heard another annoyed, pouty whine behind me, turning around lead me to see, you guessed it, the grown ass man making that.
''Haah~ What is it this time father.''
''Straining your feet is pointless when i am present'' He made grabby gestures with his hands towards me.
''I-.....think i'l pass-''
''I insist.''
''...''
''...''
''Sigh,Fine''
And like that, with me being hoisted up into an embrace i most definetely, under no circumstances, in the slightest enjoyed, then being gently placed atop his shoulder, we began our trek to the cafe, drenched in blood, the only words registering in my mind as we walked were.
''This......is gonna be a long day....or year.''
And we began our walk.
[1] If possible, kindly play ''Limbus Company OST-Time To Clean'' on youtube for optimal reading experience during this chapter