Seven years earlier.
Tsushima Shuuji was still the youngest, largely overlooked child of the Tsushima family.
He had been separated from his mother at a very young age and was never close to his older brothers and sisters. The considerable age gap between them meant that, in the Tsushima family's ancestral estate in Aomori Prefecture, he had no playmates his own age.
Ignored by his father and kept at a distance by his mother, the young Shuuji had once believed, in his childish innocence, that if he behaved well enough and studied hard enough, he would eventually earn their attention.
Then one day, the gatekeeper's wife came to visit.
Watching the gatekeeper—who was responsible for the estate's security—play affectionately with the baby in his wife's arms, Shuuji suddenly understood.
My family isn't like that.
There's no warmth here. No closeness.
I can't even eat with Father.
Tsushima Shuuji took his meals alone in his own small room, never where Tsushima Gen'emon dined.
His older brothers could sit beside their father and discuss family affairs.
When his married sisters returned home, the status of their husbands' families earned them the privilege of joining the family table for lunch.
Only him—
The youngest child—
Seemed to have been quietly tucked away in an unnoticed corner.
Am I not clever enough?
Am I not healthy enough?
He wasn't allowed to leave the estate.
He wasn't allowed to attend school.
Day after day, he sat blankly on the tatami floor of his room.
Ever since the deaths of the eldest and second sons, the family had tightened control over who entered and left the estate, becoming stricter with each passing day.
Tsushima Shuuji felt as though he were slowly suffocating inside the house.
No one talked to him.
The servants were just as lifeless and mechanical.
At last, he grabbed the maid who looked after him and stubbornly insisted that she take him outside.
"I'll only have one quick look, I'll come back right away!"
The middle-aged woman looked at him with hesitant disbelief, tempered by indulgent affection.
She looked at him as though she were looking at her own child.
Sakuko, a maid who had served the Tsushima family for many years, said, "Shuuji-bocchan, you snuck out once before, remember? Thankfully I managed to find you and bring you back. Please don't be so naughty, the Master will be angry again."
Tsushima Shuuji grinned.
"Sakuko, they're just too dumb! I was hiding right beside them!"
And just like that, he successfully slipped out with the servants who were heading into town to shop.
Seeing there were so many people accompanying him, the gatekeeper relaxed and merely muttered, "You'd better be back on time."
The moment he stepped outside, Tsushima Shuuji breathed in the fresh air like a fish returning to water.
Everything around him felt wonderfully new.
These people dressed differently from him...
They even looked different...
His photographic memory allowed every scene to remain vivid long after he returned home.
Yet he had never shown that talent to anyone.
After all, his father had never cared enough to listen when he recited what he had learned.
Before long, the servants ran into a minor dispute while bargaining with a shopkeeper.
Watching the ordinary bustle of town life, Tsushima Shuuji observed them with curious amusement, secretly laughing at their troubled expressions.
What's there to worry about?
This is Aomori Prefecture.
We're members of the Tsushima family.
Everyone who came to their estate treated them with the utmost respect.
That alone proved how prestigious their family was.
Tsushima Shuuji covered his mouth, stifling a giggle.
Then he suddenly noticed someone watching him.
Looking up, he saw what appeared to be an outsider.
The young man looked as though he had only recently arrived in Aomori.
He had a youthful face... and, strangely enough, bore a striking resemblance to Shuuji himself.
It was almost as though Shuuji were looking at his own face several years into the future.
After all, he didn't resemble any of his brothers or sisters.
Would the servants mistake him for one of us?
A mischievous idea immediately sprang into his mind.
Tsushima Shuuji called out the words that would change the course of fate.
"Onii-chan!"
The servants froze in surprise.
Hearing those words, they instinctively assumed one of the family's older young masters had returned.
But when they looked up, they saw only a black-haired youth staring back at them in astonishment.
The black-haired boy blinked.
Then, almost immediately, he smiled.
There was still a trace of childishness in that smile; a smile uncannily similar to the one Tsushima Shuuji wore whenever he was up to mischief.
When Tsushima Shuuji met his gaze, his curiosity was instantly piqued.
He's not denying it?
Without the slightest sense of danger, he slipped out of the servants' protective circle and ran toward him.
"Onii-chan~"
The repeated, cheerful onii-chan made passersby smile knowingly as they walked by.
A lovable little boy and a handsome young man.
What a remarkably good-looking family!
Tsushima Shuuji grabbed the corner of the young man's clothes.
"Mom told you to take me out to play!"
The black-haired youth crouched down to his level and studied him, paying no attention to the conflicted expressions on the faces of the Tsushima servants behind them.
Pointing to his own face, he asked,
"Are you sure you want me to take you out?"
"Hurry, hurry!" Tsushima Shuuji urged.
The black-haired youth took his hand. Feeling how incredibly soft and delicate the child's little hand was, he simply scooped him into his arms instead.
Tsushima Shuuji immediately wrapped his arms around the young man's neck.
"Take me to play."
His little face was flushed pink with triumph.
He was completely intoxicated by the thrill of successfully fooling the servants.
The black-haired youth smiled gently.
"All right. I'll take you for a walk around the area near the Tsushima estate. We can't stay out too long, though. After that, I'll bring you home in time for dinner."
Hearing those words from someone who looked so much like the young master Shuuji, the servants finally relaxed.
So he's not a stranger.
Could he be one of the Tsushima family's illegitimate sons raised elsewhere?
Once separated from the servants, Tsushima Shuuji quickly lost any sense of reserve.
Nestled comfortably in the young man's arms, he chattered away without pause.
"Who are you? Do you know the Tsushima family? I want to go see the flowers by that pond. Take me there... or I'll pull your hair."
The black-haired boy laughed. "Yes, yes, bocchan. You're quite fearless, aren't you?"
"You're not a kidnapper, so why would I be afraid of you?" Tsushima Shuuji's eyes were large and round, like a kitten's, much rounder than the boy's long, narrow eyes.
"Your eyes are so tiny." He reached out and pinched the boy's eyelid.
"They're not small. Yours are just unusually big." The black-haired boy tried to dodge, the smile on his lips growing warmer. Even someone like Tsushima Shuuji could feel the genuine kindness radiating from him.
As he ate the candy the boy bought for him, admired the pond and flowers he had wanted to see, and basked in the feeling of being looked after the entire time, Tsushima Shuuji came to one conclusion.
...The only downside was that the boy's arms were too bony. They poked him.
In a soft voice, he said, "You really are a lot like my brother."
Though, not really.
His real brothers would never be this gentle or easygoing. They certainly wouldn't shake off the servants just to take him out and play.
Tsushima Shuuji said one thing while meaning another. Tugging at the boy's hair, he noticed it was jet black instead of the brown shade of his own.
"What's your name?"
The black-haired boy answered leisurely, "My name isn't important. I'm just an insignificant person."
Tsushima Shuuji tilted his head. "What's an insignificant person?"
"Someone whose death won't be remembered for very long."
Nestled in his arms, Tsushima Shuuji smiled with innocent delight.
"Really? Then we're the same!"
The black-haired boy froze and looked down at him.
"The same...?"
A moment later, realization dawned on him.
"Do you even know what 'death' means?"
Tsushima Shuuji was extraordinarily intelligent—far more so than any ordinary child—but he had never encountered death. Following nothing but instinct, he answered,
"At home, no one ever asks about me, my tutors only come to assign homework, and once I leave the house, no one even knows I exist."
Tsushima Shuuji immediately drew the obvious conclusion.
"So if I died, it'd be the same, right?"
"No." The black-haired boy shook his head, his smile fading. "You're still young. You haven't had the chance to reveal the light that will make people remember you."
Carrying him toward the bustling streets, the boy continued on. The daylight had faded, and dusk had arrived—the hour the Japanese called the time when spirits roamed.
For the first time, Tsushima Shuuji wondered if he really might be sold off.
The sunset is so beautiful...
The world outside is so vast...
"What is this... 'light'?"
"It's strength. The kind of strength that makes people willingly admire and follow you."
"Do I have it?"
"You do. One day, people will remember you, cherish you, and embrace you." The boy smiled gently. "Just like what I'm doing now. I saw the faint light within you, and it made me want to make you happy."
"You're really not going to sell me?"
"Haha—what kind of older brother would sell his little brother? Even human traffickers wouldn't believe that!"
The black-haired boy escorted him back to the Tsushima estate. Before they stepped into the austere, traditional Japanese residence, he leaned down and kissed Tsushima Shuuji on the cheek.
The touch was feather-light, as though a marshmallow had brushed against his skin.
"You're the strongest."
"This place won't keep you trapped. Now go home."
The boy set him down, and Tsushima Shuuji's feet touched the ground.
Only then did he realize that, aside from holding his hand for a brief moment, the boy had carried him almost the entire way. The slender youth clearly wasn't used to carrying children—there had been sweat on his brow from the effort—yet he had never once complained, determined not to tire him.
When Tsushima Shuuji returned home, he and the black-haired boy were brought before his father together.
Tsushima Gen'emon looked surprisingly calm. He merely scolded him instead of flying into a rage.
Even so, Tsushima Shuuji's heart pounded uneasily.
The black-haired boy accepted every word of the reprimand without protest, then bowed deeply.
"I sincerely apologize. This is entirely my fault. I never should have taken your son out with me. Please don't blame the child. He doesn't understand these things—he simply mistook me for a distant relative."
A distant relative?
Tsushima Shuuji wanted to stick out his tongue.
He hadn't mistakenly identified anyone.
He had fooled those idiotic servants!
He wasn't the fool here!
His father caught the mischievous look on his face, and Shuuji reluctantly behaved himself. It wasn't until he watched the servants escort away the black-haired boy who had spent the day pretending to be his older brother that he realized just how terrifying adults could be at hiding their true feelings.
The instant the boy was gone, his father's suppressed fury exploded.
"Shuuji, are you tired of living! How dare you call a complete stranger your brother! Do you have any idea how dangerous the outside world is? Do you know how your eldest and second brothers died?!"
"Father, I'm sorry—I—"
Smack!
His father's slap rang through the room, knocking him to the tatami.
Lying face-down on the floor, Tsushima Shuuji felt the sting on his cheek only a moment later.
His ears rang.
...I got hit?
Father is really angry...
Slowly and timidly, he looked up at Tsushima Gen'emon. Every trace of his earlier playfulness had vanished.
Consumed by rage, Tsushima Gen'emon looked down at his youngest son. Then, as the color gradually returned to his previously pale face, the expression in his eyes changed as he watched the fear on Shuuji's face.
That expression was even more terrifying.
And after that…
Tsushima Shuuji discovered that day had only been the beginning.
From then on, he was never allowed outside again.
Confined to the estate, he was beaten by his father from time to time. His older brothers and sisters struck him across the face as well.
Every time they hit him, they grew more distant afterward. They stopped approaching him. Stopped even looking at him.
Only his father would gently stroke his cheek afterward.
And ask,
"Does it hurt?"
Then came the next sentence.
"That's because Shuuji wasn't obedient."
After every punishment, he was given the most toys, the finest ointments for his injuries.
He knew his father loved him.
Otherwise, why would he have become so angry? Why would he always seem so regretful after losing his temper?
His brothers and sisters were simply jealous of him.
They hit him to vent their frustrations.
But...
Why did they always strike his face?
Did they hate this face so much?
His ears hurt.
It felt as though they were going to bleed...
Was he going to die?
That older brother had lied to him.
There was no such power at all.
The strongest in the world...
What a joke.
...
Why did I have to play that prank?
Why did I let that person take me away to play?
If I hadn't gone...
I wouldn't have received this kind of "love."
I wouldn't have been locked inside a cage, driven to the brink of breaking down, of going mad.
So—
I hate myself.
I hate you.
I despise you, black-haired brother.
—
TL Note: Oh, btw! From now on, I'll be alternating the upload schedule between the two fics. Today will be the BSD fic, tomorrow will be the JJK fic, and so on.
I've been feeling pretty fatigued lately, so I think alternating them will help me manage things a little better.