Abdullah woke up the next day feeling groggy, like he hadn't really slept at all. His phone buzzed beside him. A message from Cassie.
"good morning :)"
He stared at it for a moment before replying.
"oh hey Cassie how are ya doing"
"I'm grand but uh what about you how you holding up"
Abdullah paused, thinking.
"I'm fine It's not your job to worry about me. just don't"
"i know i don't have to but i still will"
"don't forget you always have me I'll always care"
He read that twice.
"yea thank you"
The next day, Abdullah was walking with Agim and Tomek when Nadeem suddenly appeared, stepping right up into their space.
Tomek immediately took two steps back, giving him a dirty look.
"Bro, social distance," Agim said.
When Nadeem wasn't looking, Agim made a gesture, waving his hand near his nose.
Eventually, Nadeem walked away.
"Bro, he actually stinks of fucking shit, man," Tomek said.
"I swear his breath is radioactive, smell it from a mile away," Agim added.
Abdullah stayed silent.
Later that day, Abdullah got home and messaged Cassie.
"Abdullah guess what i took your advice gurl fuck mark. been talking to this new guy he's actually so sweet and nice"
"ayy that's great what's the lucky mans name"
"he's polish"
"yea but what's his name"
"i don't wanna say"
"why not what's gonna happen if i know his name I'm not gonna do anything?"
"like i told my friend ava a guys name once she found his account like so fast."
"I'm not ava like i wont do anything i swear i thought you trusted me"
"i do just like not yet we only just started talking"
"alright sorry"
"its ok I'm sorry for making a big fuss over the name"
"don't worry about it"
Another day, Abdullah was scrolling through his notifications when he saw that a girl had added him.
Hailey.
He added her back and followed Tomek's usual approach.
"what's it like living in Dublin"
"well there's always some eejit getting stabbed or shot or robbed. or a car driven into a ditch"
"what's the point of driving it into the ditch"
"i don't know really me and my friends robbed a car once drove it around and then threw it into the river"
"who's car was it"
"who the fuck knows"
"must have been an eventful childhood huh"
"yea i mean if you call your cousins teaching you how to grow weed in the garden since age 6 eventful"
"way more fucking eventful then my childhood anyways i was stuck inside all the time no friends either"
"like what you do for fun then"
"i just watched Netflix and shit what you do"
"like we'd make potions with mud and like tip the can and like all this shit. you never got to do that stuff?"
"nope i was just a friendless kid"
They kept talking for a bit longer until she sent a snap of a baby.
"who's baby is that"
"oh that's my baby brother"
"you got any other siblings"
"another younger brother and sister and i had an older sister as well"
"how much older is she then you"
"well if she was still alive 17"
"oh sorry to hear that"
"yea"
Soon after, the conversation ended. Abdullah went to sleep.
The next day in school, Abdullah told Erop everything.
"Isn't that fucking mad?"
"Eh, average day for me. I crashed a car into the second story of a building with my Ukrainian friends once."
"How the fuck did you crash a car into the second story?"
"Use your imagination."
"She also said she did weed and shit, like grew it."
"You better not start wanting to try that shit."
"Yeah, like I could even get my hands on that. Even if I wanted to try it, obviously I'm not gonna."
He smirked slightly.
"What's it to you anyways, what—you care about me or something?"
"Yes."
Abdullah paused.
"…thanks."
The next day, Erop had already told the others.
Tomek started chatting shit.
"Prolly just some fucking 50-year-old pedo."
Abdullah ignored the comments all day.
When he got home, he messaged Hailey.
"make a group with this guy i wanna talk to him"
He made the group.
"are you chatting shit" she asked.
"nah just who the hell are you. I'm just making sure your not like a 50 year old pedo"
She sent a picture.
"is that enough proof"
"yea i guess"
Soon after, Tomek added Agim, Nadeem, and John to the group chat.
"What is this?" people started asking.
Then Tomek began sending bad pictures of Abdullah—old ones, recent ones, everything.
"Abdullah bro what are you doing," Nadeem said asking about the pictures.
"tomek can you just stop"
Hailey sent a snap of her brother.
Nadeem immediately started talking about his shoes, and the two of them went back and forth.
Abdullah didn't really understand any of it.
"why is bro posted up in 400 euro shoes yn's in like 3rd class"
Hailey and him continued to talk.
After a while, Abdullah just stopped looking at the chat.
Soon after, Agim messaged him.
"bro Nadeem tryna steal your girl"
"they're just talking man i don't care Tomek's just being really annoying with the photos"
Abdullah turned off his phone and lay back, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the past few days.
"i should talk to Cassie"
He picked up his phone.
"hey buddy"
"heyy what's up"
"a good few things happened actually"
"oh really?"
"my friend told me he crashed a car into the second story"
"what? how"
Abdullah went on, telling her about Tomek, Hailey, Agim, and Erop.
"alright well Tomek's being a real prick what's his problem same with this Agim guy sounds like trouble tryna cause drama. and Hailey well i mean i don't wanna tell you what to do but she sounds like bad news to me i don't know Abdullah"
"the Erop lad sounds nicer anyways"
"it just feels like everything's against me"
"i know but not everything's against you I'm still on your side"
"i know you are. you seem to be the only one these days. who makes my days a bit better and easier"
"same to you though. my life's nicer with you in it so don't ever leave lad"
"i wont lad"
He mocked her slightly.
Cassie laughed.
Abdullah did too.
That night, Abdullah tried to sleep, but instead he found himself scrolling through the pictures Tomek had sent.
He stared at them.
"is that really how people see me"
"do i really look like that"
He got up and went to shower.
After he came out, he stood in front of the mirror longer than usual.
Really looking.
"I'm disgusting to look at. that's me"
"how long have i been this ugly"
He didn't look away.
"its like a pig"
He looked down at his body next, then back at his face.
After a while, he walked back into his room.
He grabbed his pencil case, fidgeting with a compass absentmindedly.
He glanced at older pictures again.
"why did i never notice until now how ugly i am"
He lay flat against the wall, staring ahead.
"i guess my personality wasnt the problem"
The room felt quiet.
Too quiet.
His thoughts just kept circling.
Over and over again.
Abdullah stared at the wall, the compass still in his hand, lost in thought.
And for a moment—
everything slowed down.
Everything went still.
he stared down at the compass in his hand. touching the tip.
"how sharp is this" he wondered.
Abdullah jammed the the tip into his wall and it pierced straight through leaving a hole behind.
then he pauses stares at his arm and the compass. he starts to push it across his skin. lightly. then harder. eventually.
he sees that same color again. the pain is throbbing along his forearm.
"nano hurt more then this" he thought.
Abdullah lay down going to sleep. for the first time in a while he finally felt at.
peace...