It was another brand-new day. Back in his casual student attire, Mike accompanied Paige as they arrived at Columbia University.
It had only been a little over a month since the semester started, and Mike had already skipped nearly two weeks of classes. Even though he had the backing of the MIB, playing hooky that much wasn't a great look.
Taking advantage of the current lull in missions from MIB headquarters, Mike figured it would be nice to come back and soak up some college life.
It's worth noting that Needy was also attending Columbia with him this time.
Through the MIB's connections, she had been enrolled as a sociology major at the university.
Her concentration? Social research.
A major that theoretically required extensive communication and interaction with people felt incredibly unsuited for someone like Needy.
However, that wasn't a problem Mike needed to worry about. Right now, having been MIA from campus for nearly two weeks, he was staring in dismay at his locker, which was absolutely overflowing with love letters and small gifts.
"Just leave it to me!"
Having the foresight to predict exactly this, Paige had purposely brought an extra, oversized backpack.
In no time flat, she had filled both her regular backpack and the extra one to the brim with the letters and gifts. Without missing a beat, she casually handed the heavier, oversized backpack over to Needy.
As mentioned before, back at the mansion, Needy only ever glared at Mike with icy disdain; toward the other girls, she was actually quite "friendly."
Returning the favor, even though Paige and the others remained somewhat guarded around Needy, their genuine sympathy for what she had been through meant they never intentionally isolated her.
The end result was that Needy surprisingly got along pretty well with Paige and the rest of the girls.
Case in point: faced with the heavy backpack Paige handed over, Needy simply took it without a word of complaint and carried it for her.
...
"Listen here, punk. I heard you're trying to stick up for that loser Alex?"
By the lockers near the school's entrance, a massive, intimidating bully blocked Mark's path and snarled, "I even heard you've been talking trash about me behind my back!"
Mark Friedman (Mike O'Donnell) was the lucky guy who possessed the [Return to Youth] ability.
And the "loser Alex" the bully mentioned happened to be Mark's own underachieving son.
At this exact moment, Alex was standing right next to Mark. Used to being bullied, he visibly shrank back, looking completely timid and submissive in the face of the bully's aggression.
Seeing his son's reaction, Mark unconsciously slipped back into his role as a father.
Stepping forward to shield Alex, he locked eyes with the bully and said,
"First of all, Alex is not a loser. He's actually an excellent student..."
"Secondly, I never talked trash about you behind your back. I only stated facts, didn't I?"
"Only someone with deep-seated insecurities feels the need to pick on people 'weaker' than them just to prove their own existence..."
"When you get older, you're going to realize just how pathetic this behavior is..."
Possessing the soul of a middle-aged man, Mark fired off a barrage of life lessons and moral grandstanding.
His "Talk no Jutsu" stats were practically maxed out.
Using this kind of psychological attack on a simple-minded school bully was basically a dimensional beatdown.
Case in point: the students who had gathered around to watch the commotion actually started applauding Mark's "passionate" speech.
But before Mark could bask in his victory, the infuriated bully completely bypassed logic and physically shoved him hard against the lockers.
"Alex is a loser! And the fact that you're friends with him just proves that you're a loser, too!"
The bully bared his teeth, looking vicious.
As it turns out, the reason bullies are bullies is precisely because they don't listen to reason.
These types of guys were usually all brawn and no brains. They acted entirely on impulse and rarely bothered to think things through.
Of course, operating like that guaranteed they'd eventually hit a wall in the real world.
But in the relatively sheltered environment of a high school or college campus, brute force often reigned supreme.
"Violence doesn't solve anything! What you're doing right now constitutes physical assault. If you lay another hand on me, I'll report your behavior to the administration..."
Even after stumbling back from the shove, Mark was still trying to reason with the guy.
He completely failed to notice the light fading from Alex's eyes as the boy watched him.
"Report me to the administration?!"
The "school bully" acted like he had just heard the funniest joke in the world. He exaggeratedly dug a finger into his ear and mocked, "You shouldn't even be at school right now. You should go home and cry to your mommy for some milk."
The classic American insult earned a chorus of laughter from the crowd, boosting the bully's ego even further.
At the end of the day, Mark, with his middle-aged soul, might be great at lecturing people. But his mature mindset meant he completely lacked the hot-blooded aggression typical of a teenager.
The situation was glaringly obvious: throwing a punch was the only language the bully would understand, and it was Mark's best option.
But having grown completely accustomed to handling conflicts like an adult, he simply couldn't bring himself to do it.
Meanwhile, standing by his own locker not too far away, Mike watched the entire scene unfold.
It seemed Mark had actually taken Mike's previous advice and befriended the victimized Alex.
However, the situation wasn't looking too great for him at the moment.
"That guy's name is Mitch Paris. He's a benchwarmer for the school football team, and his personality is absolute trash..."
Seeing Mike taking an interest in the drama, Paige quickly filled him in on the bully's background.
"This school really does attract all types, doesn't it?"
After hearing the rundown, Mike couldn't help but sigh.
Before starting college, Mike actually had a bit of an idealized "Ivy League filter" regarding Columbia. But after actually attending, he realized even prestigious universities weren't the utopian sanctuaries people imagined.
Absolute fairness doesn't exist anywhere in the world.
And since the guy getting picked on actually had a bit of history with Mike, he wasn't planning on just standing by and watching.
A moment later, Mike, flanked by Paige and Needy, strolled toward the commotion.
Instantly, a large number of female students who had been secretly admiring Mike from afar got visibly excited.
To them, a guy like Mike—impossibly handsome and endlessly mysterious—was the ultimate magnet.
"Mark, looks like you've run into a bit of trouble."
Effortlessly parting the sea of students as the girls eagerly made way for him, Mike stepped right into the center of the circle.
"You?"
Being bullied, Mark instantly recognized Mike.
Then, putting on a brave face, he stubbornly insisted, "It's just a minor misunderstanding. I can handle it."
Mark certainly hadn't forgotten that it was Mike's ridiculous good looks that had turned his sweet, well-behaved daughter into a complete "fangirl."
Even though, objectively speaking, Mike hadn't actually done anything wrong, as a father whose precious cabbage was being "eyed by a pig," Mark absolutely hated the idea of Mike seeing him in such a pathetic state.
It was probably just the final, stubborn pride of an old father.
"You're friends with these losers?"
Mitch, the bully, suddenly shifted his focus, glaring aggressively at the handsome Mike.
Picking on a "loser" was nowhere near as satisfying as bullying a "pretty boy."
After all, a good chunk of the crowd currently watching the drama consisted of attractive girls.
And a huge percentage of those girls had clearly only gathered around because of Mike.
Mitch had obviously picked up on that.
Driven by a twisted, fragile ego, he felt an overwhelming urge to humiliate the much more popular Mike.
"I don't know Alex, but I suppose you could say I'm acquainted with Mark here."
Unlike what the bully expected, Mike wasn't the least bit intimidated by his aggressive posturing.
On the contrary, his calm, completely unfazed demeanor only made the girls' eyes shine even brighter.
"Damn pretty boy. I can tell just by looking at you that you're a piece of trash~"
Mitch suddenly launched a completely unprovoked personal attack against Mike.
Sometimes, the thought process of a meathead is truly impossible to comprehend.
Only Mitch knew that his initial reason for bullying Alex was simply because the kid was better-looking than him.
And his reason for bullying Mark was pretty much the exact same.
So naturally, now that an infinitely more handsome guy had shown up, Mitch's fragile ego couldn't handle it.
If Mike had known that was the incredibly pathetic reason behind all this, he might have actually gone a little easier on the guy when he eventually made his move.
After all, beating up an absolute idiot felt a bit like bullying.