Chapter 170 You are Cursed with Peach Blossoms
"Ibuki, you're being way too crude.
You'd better apologize to Ichinose properly later," Hikigaya scolded.
"Fine, fine, we'll talk after I finish my business!" Ibuki Mio, looking impatient, dragged him along as they ducked into the black tent.
Under the dim lighting sat a fortune-teller. The setup was exactly like something out of a movie: she wore a deep blue cloak embroidered with complex and mysterious astrological patterns, and a crystal-clear crystal ball sat on the table in front of her. She wore a black star-patterned eye mask that obscured her eyes. At first glance, she really did have the aura of a mysterious old witch.
Two chairs were placed in front of the fortune-teller. Ibuki Mio sat down excitedly. Seeing that Hikigaya didn't react, she reached out and pulled him: "Hikigaya, sit down!"
Hikigaya had originally wanted to maintain a standing, condescending posture to avoid being led by the nose by the old witch, but he was yanked down by Ibuki.
"Hehe~ These two customers look very spiritually gifted at first glance," the fortune-teller spoke in a raspy voice. But Hikigaya could tell she was intentionally squeezing her throat to sound that way.
"Ohh, really?" Ibuki Mio's eyes lit up.
'Please, can you stop looking so stupid?' Hikigaya gave her a side-eye.
"Before we begin the divination, please settle the points." The fortune-teller pointed to a card reader on the desk.
'Hey, you're not even trying to hide it anymore!'
The black tent had been set up quite well; though there weren't many props, the atmosphere was at least established. Who knew that as soon as she opened her mouth, it would be all about money, instantly shattering the sense of mystery.
Hikigaya couldn't help but complain: 'Even if you're scamming people, you should put some heart into it! At least wait until the reading is finished before collecting the money, right?'
*Beep—* Ibuki Mio directly pulled out her phone and paid the points.
"What can I ask?"
"You can ask anything. Palmistry, luck, astrology..." The fortune-teller made a show of performing various hand gestures. Hikigaya almost wanted to laugh at such a clumsy performance.
"Then look at my palm." Ibuki Mio proactively handed her palm over.
"Then, young lady, please tell me your name."
"Ibuki Mio."
"Your life line is very vibrant; you possess a strength greater than your peers."
"Wow, it's true!" Ibuki Mio looked amazed.
Hikigaya, on the other hand, sneered inwardly. Anyone with eyes could tell just by looking at Ibuki Mio's palm that she was a practitioner of martial arts.
As expected, this is all fortune-telling is: using observation and verbal guidance to guess the other person's psychology.
"I see it... Miss Ibuki, you will open a martial arts gym in the future and go far on the path of martial arts..." The fortune-teller rubbed the crystal ball with both hands, looking like she was channeling power.
"Oh ho! Did you see that, Hikigaya? This fortune-telling is quite accurate!" Ibuki Mio grabbed his hand excitedly.
Hikigaya thought to himself: 'Practicing martial arts and running a gym are two completely different things! With Ibuki Mio's IQ, if she tried to run a gym, it would most likely end in bankruptcy—unless she had an excellent "competent wife" to help her manage it...'
"Hikigaya, you should get a reading too!"
"I'll pass. I don't believe in this stuff."
The other person was running a business, and Hikigaya wasn't the type to be cold-hearted, but the acting was just too poor. She couldn't even provide him with a bit of "emotional value," so why should he buy into it?
"Don't be a buzzkill! I'll pay for you!" As she spoke, Ibuki Mio took out her phone again and swiftly paid the points.
"..." Hikigaya wanted to stop her, but it was already too late.
"This guest, do you still require a divination?"
"If I say I don't, can you refund the points?"
"Jie jie jie~"
'Tch! That laugh sounds like she's definitely not a decent person!' Left with no choice, Hikigaya handed his palm over.
"Name?"
"Hikigaya Hachiman."
"Sharing a name with the Great God Hachiman... you are a person of great fortune." The flattery had begun. Hikigaya didn't buy it, keeping his eyes narrowed in his signature dead-fish stare.
"Eh? This 'God Hachiman' has an incredibly vibrant life line. Your strength is much greater than your peers." The exact same lines. She couldn't even be bothered to make up a new one... Hikigaya couldn't help but roll his eyes.
The fortune-teller continued to babble about nonsense—good health, longevity in the future—all of which was complete fluff. Just as Hikigaya was getting impatient and planning to leave, the fortune-teller suddenly grabbed his hand.
Surprisingly, for an old witch of her age, her grip was quite strong... She stopped her non-stop chatter and stared deeply into his face.
'Tch? Is this the "acting serious" trick now?' Hikigaya was dismissive. But Ibuki Mio beside him became nervous.
"Well? Is there something wrong with Hikigaya?"
"..." The fortune-teller waved her hand, signaling her to be quiet. Then she lowered her head and rubbed her crystal ball.
'Well, the acting is finally a bit different now.'
Hikigaya figured she realized he wasn't as easy to fool as Ibuki.
After a long while, the fortune-teller looked up again and said meaningfully: "This God Hachiman... you are cursed with 'Peach Blossoms' (romantic entanglements). In the future, I'm afraid you will have complex involvements with all kinds of women."
"Hiss—What are you pinching me for?" Hikigaya felt a jolt of pain in his arm. He found Ibuki Mio pinching him hard.
"She said you're cursed with peach blossoms!"
"Can you really take this fortune-telling seriously?" Hikigaya felt caught between laughter and tears.
"But..." Ibuki Mio pursed her lips, muttering something under her breath.
To distract her, Hikigaya had to ask: "So, is there any way to get rid of these so-called peach blossoms?"
"No," the fortune-teller shook her head.
"..."
'Wait, do you even know how to tell fortunes?'
Divination is supposed to be about guiding and fooling people based on their actual desires.
"Your fate is set; it cannot be changed no matter what. However..." The fortune-teller leaned back strategically, intentionally leaving him hanging.
"Unless what?!" Ibuki Mio asked anxiously.
"I have here several ancestral 'Magic Tools.' As long as you wear them, you can reduce the calamity of God Hachiman's peach blossoms..." The fortune-teller mysteriously pulled a simple box from a drawer. Upon opening it, there was a bone pendant carved into a strange shape.
"Let's go!" Hikigaya really couldn't listen to any more of this. He grabbed Ibuki Mio and turned to leave.
'What kind of bullshit "Magic Tool"? This is clearly just a "Made in China" trinket!'
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