Chapter 270 Open the door, surprise inspection!
"....Hmm~ maybe it was just my imagination."
Shiranami Chihiro wrinkled her nose, performing one last check on the faint scent lingering in the air; though, it wasn't a scent she disliked.
"Ahahaha~ That's right, didn't Chihiro-chan come here to ask some questions?
If there's anything you don't understand, feel free to ask me."
Ichinose Honami instantly breathed a secret sigh of relief.
"Mhm, Honami-chan, Classical Chinese is really hard to understand~"
Shiranami Chihiro pulled out her Japanese textbook.
The two of them began their study session...
Hiding in the bathroom, Hikigaya glanced at the time on his phone. It was almost time for the girls' dormitory curfew, and he couldn't help but feel a surge of anxiety.
However, the dorm warden was usually quite understanding of the ways of the world, often locking the doors ten or twenty minutes late. It probably wouldn't be a big problem, right?
"So that's how you explain it.
Speaking of which, wasn't Honami-chan also not very good at Classical Chinese?"
Shiranami Chihiro looked curious.
"Uh, I've been studying hard lately."
Ichinose Honami's eyes darted away guiltily.
"Who did you study with?"
Shiranami Chihiro looked suspicious.
"With... with Mumei-chan!"
Ichinose Honami told a random lie.
"Is Mumei-chan's language skill that good?"
Shiranami Chihiro muttered to herself, but she didn't think too much of it.
"Oh, right! It's getting late. Chihiro-chan, you should head back and get some sleep."
Ichinose Honami suddenly remembered Hikigaya hiding in the bathroom.
"Mmm~ but I still want to stay with Honami-chan a bit longer..."
Shiranami Chihiro grabbed her hand and acted spoiled.
'Why does that sound so familiar?'
Hikigaya felt caught between laughter and tears.
"Wuaaaah~~~"
Ichinose Honami let out a deliberate, wide yawn.
"Is Honami-chan sleepy?"
"Mhm~ I'm a bit tired from studying today."
"Well, alright then~"
After Shiranami Chihiro stood up, she suddenly walked toward the bathroom.
This scene scared Ichinose so much her heart leaped into her throat: "Wait a second!"
"Chihiro-chan, what are you doing?"
Shiranami Chihiro replied as if it were the most natural thing in the world: "I need to go pee."
"Th-this... is a bit difficult."
Ichinose Honami looked panicked, her eyes rolling as she tried to think of an excuse to stall her.
"Difficult? Is Honami-chan disgusted by me?"
Shiranami Chihiro looked at her with a wronged, pitiful expression.
".....That's because, because... I haven't had time to clean lately, so it's a bit dirty.
How about Chihiro-chan goes back to her own dorm instead?"
Ichinose Honami bluffed with a straight face.
"Don't worry, I won't be disgusted by Honami-chan."
For some reason, Shiranami Chihiro actually seemed a bit happy.
Then, with quick, cheerful steps, she walked into the bathroom.
"!!!"
Ichinose Honami's eyes widened. She could already foresee a scream erupting in a moment.
However, after a while, the bathroom remained quiet. There was only the faint, barely audible sound of running water, followed by the sound of the toilet flushing.
The bathroom door opened, and Shiranami Chihiro walked out with a refreshed look. Seeing Ichinose waiting at the door, she suddenly looked embarrassed: "Honami-chan, were you... were you listening?"
"Uh, no, it's..."
Ichinose Honami broke into a cold sweat. Her throat felt stuck, and she didn't know how to explain herself for a moment.
"I hate you~~"
Shiranami Chihiro, face flushed, fled from the room in embarrassment.
A moment later.
Hikigaya walked out of the bathroom with an expressionless face.
"Hikigaya-kun!!!"
Ichinose Honami suddenly stepped forward emotionally. She looked up, demanding with a severe expression: "You didn't... peek just now, did you?"
"No."
"I hid in the shower area and covered my eyes with a towel."
Hikigaya explained solemnly.
"Then you... heard it, didn't you?"
"...."
Hikigaya was suddenly speechless.
"Hmph! Pervert!"
Ichinose Honami stared at him, puffing out her cheeks.
"This counts as an act of God (force majeure)..."
Hikigaya looked speechless.
"But, I can't blame Hikigaya-kun for this."
Ichinose Honami sighed helplessly: "I caused this myself."
"Right, right, right. It's your fault, Ichinose-san."
Hikigaya was quick to shift the blame—though this wasn't a burden he was supposed to bear anyway.
"Ugh~ Hikigaya-kun is really..."
"Some kind of Imagine Breaker? Or do you just have a 'peach blossom' (lucky in love) constitution?"
Ichinose Honami gave him a frustrated look.
"Yeah, the existence of my right hand unconsciously negates all kinds of anomalies, including 'God's Protection' or 'The Red String of Fate' and things like that."
Hikigaya talked nonsense with a straight face.
"Chuunibyou?"
Ichinose Honami looked thoughtful.
"Cough~ I've already graduated from that!"
Hikigaya's expression was hard to maintain: "Alright, it's late. I should head back too."
Ichinose Honami opened her mouth to say something but couldn't find a reason to make him stay. She could only watch him walk toward the door with longing eyes.
And just then, a cold female voice came from outside the door.
"Open up! Surprise dorm inspection tonight!"
Hikigaya's expression froze. He turned his head back and looked at the equally stunned Ichinose Honami.
"Oh no!"
"Why did the warden come back so early tonight?"
"Did she fail another blind date?"
Ichinose Honami looked frantic.
"There's no need to mention that kind of useless information."
Hikigaya's lip twitched: "Should I just go out and explain?"
"No!"
"According to the rules, the girls' dorm curfew has already passed. Hikigaya-kun would be disciplined!"
Ichinose Honami expressed her concern.
"Then should I go hide in the bathroom again?"
Hikigaya suggested.
"That won't work either!"
"The warden does a key check of the bathroom every time to see if we're hiding high-power electrical appliances illegally."
Ichinose Honami felt a massive headache coming on.
"Then what? Hide in the closet?"
Hikigaya pointed to the small closet, barely 1.2 meters high, where he would have to crouch.
"Sorry, the closet is already stuffed full..."
Ichinose Honami's gaze shifted to her own bed. Her cheeks flushed slightly, and her voice trembled a bit: "There's no other way... it has to be this..."
"Open the door! What's taking so long?"
The dorm warden stared at Ichinose Honami with an unfriendly look.
"Sorry, I just fell asleep..."
Ichinose Honami feigned composure.
"Sleeping this early?"
The warden scanned the room suspiciously.
"Sleeping early and waking up early helps your skin~ Ahahaha."
Ichinose Honami gave a few dry laughs.
"Hmph! Even high schoolers know how to take care of their skin?
This really is..."
The warden felt extremely frustrated.
'Is this the reason she's thirty-five and still hasn't gotten married?
Damn it!'
Filled with resentment, the warden circled the room, paying special attention to the bathroom.
This caused Hikigaya, hiding under the covers, to feel a chill down his spine.
'Speaking of which, why does this blanket smell so...
It's filled with that "Ichinose" scent.
It's marinated into it!'
"Ah... Big Sister~
Are you finished with the inspection?"
Ichinose Honami was equally nervous at this moment.
"Hmph~ I'll give you credit for being sweet-mouthed."
The warden was actually very easy to coax; the word "Big Sister" cut her resentment in half.
'Seriously, someone just marry her already!
Otherwise, well, there doesn't seem to be an "otherwise"...'
This made a certain female teacher's face flash through Hikigaya's mind.
Although she smoked, drank, and liked to hit people, at least her face and figure were top-tier.
Then there was Chabashira-sensei—she smoked and drank but didn't hit people; she seemed easier to get along with...
'Wait! What am I thinking?
When did I become as greasy as a middle-aged man!
This is definitely the fault of the "Hikigaya Hachiman" from my dream!'
While Hikigaya's thoughts were wandering...
Ichinose Honami was still battling wits with the warden.
"Big Sister, you should go back and rest early too."
"What? You trying to kick me out? Could it be... you're planning to play with some yarashii (naughty) toys?"
"Yarashii toys?"
Ichinose Honami blinked her clear, large eyes, looking completely lost.
'Rein it in, you unwanted old woman!'
Hikigaya cursed inwardly.
"Tch~ The pure type, huh?
Even though you have such a yarashii body!"
The warden glanced at Ichinose's "front-end quality" and then looked down at her own feet, which she could see perfectly clearly.
'Damn it, damn it, damn it!
What are high school girls eating to grow up like this these days?'
Having suffered a critical hit to both her body and mind, the warden could only flee Ichinose's room in tears.
After a good while...
Only then did Ichinose Honami slowly speak: "Hikigaya-kun, you... you can come out now..."
Hikigaya cautiously lifted a corner of the blanket, his eyes warily scanning the surroundings. Once he confirmed it was safe, he climbed down from her bed.
"Phew~ Safe at last."
"Sorry, it's my fault for being selfish and making you suffer."
Ichinose Honami looked guilt-ridden.
If she hadn't insisted on him staying, all this wouldn't have happened.
"No, it was an accident."
Hikigaya didn't blame her.
To be honest, if hiding in a girl's fragrant bed counted as "suffering"...
He figured most men would probably want to suffer like that.
"Hikigaya-kun, let me walk you back."
To prevent being caught by the warden, Ichinose Honami decided to lead the way.
Opening the door, she poked her head out to look left and right. After confirming the warden wasn't there, she beckoned him over.
Hikigaya crept along, following closely behind her.
The two of them sneakily made their way to the stairwell.
And then.
They saw the locked gate.
Hikigaya was dumbstruck.
Ichinose Honami was speechless.
"Well, that's it. Checkmate."
Hikigaya completely gave up resistance.
"L-let's go back to my room first and try to think of something..."
Ichinose Honami grabbed his hand and quickly returned to the dorm.
The two of them sat in seiza, deep in thought.
"I have a plan!
How about the fire escape method?
I took a fire drill course in middle school."
Hikigaya suggested.
Basically, tying bedsheets and blankets into a sturdy rope and climbing down.
"Absolutely not!
This is the eighth floor, it's too dangerous!!"
Ichinose Honami refused sternly.
"Maybe I should just go turn myself in."
Hikigaya really couldn't think of a better solution.
"Staying illegally in the girls' dorm and evading the warden's inspection—that's a double offense!
In the worst case, Hikigaya-kun might be suspended!!"
Ichinose Honami was firmly opposed.
'I guess there's no choice then...'
Hikigaya sighed helplessly and pulled his phone from his pocket.
".... I-I see, then there's nothing that can be done."
Ichinose Honami's expression shifted as if she had thought of something; her demeanor became bashful.
"Wait a minute, Hikigaya-kun?"
"Where are you going?!"
Seeing Hikigaya suddenly stand up to leave, Ichinose Honami looked confused.
"I'm going to ask the girls in my class. If I explain it properly, maybe one of them can take me in for the night... probably."
Hikigaya scratched his head, explaining with an awkward expression.
"Why?!"
Ichinose Honami's face changed. She said in a low voice: "Why ask another girl to take you in?"
"Uh, for this kind of thing, looking for someone I know in my class... isn't that the logical thing to do?"
Hikigaya asked in return.
"Does Hikigaya-kun already have someone in mind?"
Ichinose Honami lowered her eyes.
"Yeah, I plan to stay at Suzune's for the night."
Hikigaya seemed to realize this sounded a bit ambiguous, so he quickly added further explanation: "What I mean is, with Suzune's personal combat ability, she wouldn't have to worry about me trying anything..."
"And what if Horikita-san tries something?"
Ichinose Honami looked up and stared straight at him.
"Uh, Ichinose-san, I don't think you understand Suzune.
She's focused entirely on her studies; she wouldn't think about stuff like that."
Hikigaya explained.
"But what if? Just in case!"
Ichinose Honami was still persistent.
"It won't happen. This kind of thing has happened before."
To prove his point, Hikigaya said confidently: "Last month, Suzune came to my room to study. We got so absorbed in math problems that we couldn't stop ourselves. We worked until after eleven, and she fell asleep on the table. Later, she stayed over in my room... of course, we are clean, nothing happened."
To avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, Hikigaya left out the part where Suzune went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and then confusedly ended up sleeping in the same bed as him...
However, this explanation didn't help.
After hearing it, the caution in Ichinose Honami's eyes didn't dissipate; instead, it instantly spiked to the highest level!
"No! Absolutely not!"
Ichinose Honami was firmly opposed.
"No, is my character really that untrustworthy?"
Hikigaya didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
"The one I don't trust is... anyway, no means no!"
Ichinose Honami's attitude was resolute.
'This girl... since when did she become so unreasonable?'
"Then should I find someone else?"
Hikigaya frowned.
Clap!
Ichinose Honami suddenly grabbed his shoulders with both hands, pinning him firmly in place: "Hikigaya-kun isn't going anywhere tonight. You're staying right here with me!!!"
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