Days turned into weeks and then a month had passed before she knew it, falling easily back into her life, though Epharis hadn't asked her to come to his rooms again. He seemed to be hesitant to touch her again until she had fully recovered, something she wasn't sure she would ever be again.
They returned to training and preparing for war, Etani even allowed to have her crossbow back, and she delighted in learning how to shoot the thing.
It was heavy and solid, making her feel stronger than she actually was.
She still avoided extended physical contact with anyone in her life and no longer slept in the pile with the others, instead choosing to sleep beside Versalis or Uzo, Kai being her next choice if one of them didn't want to sleep. She refused to sleep if there wasn't one of those three to join her. But she wasn't able to sleep if there were more than two others touching her.
They all understood, but she knew her anxiety was hurting them, not that they would have said anything to her about it.
She was getting stronger, her body bouncing back as it always did, and with her ability to feed, she was feeling almost back to normal. She was keen to get stronger, and the memory of Versalis' defined body pushing her to get herself back into shape.
They had only teased her about it for the first few days and then they had all gone silent as she stopped bothering to pretend she wasn't a Celestrial, or a warrior. They didn't tease her after that, and instead simply tried to hold her back from beating them all in the ring. Especially when she was armed with a knife.
But the time passed, and things had settled into a calm she hadn't known in years, the group starting to feel more comfortable and secure that she was safe, and they had taken their first outing into the valleys around Ayathian to get distance training.
She had laughed at them all when they told her they were going to work on cardio and then it had become a race between her, Letari, Kai and Hunter.
Kai had won of course, followed by her, with Letari and Hunter coming in tied. She was rather wary of Hunter around her sister, he seemed interested in her, and Letari in him.
"What are your intentions with my sister?" she had demanded on one such occasion, pinning him to a tree with her knife at his throat while the others had run off, not realising that she had stopped to question the man.
"I would like to be with her," he had said, terrified of the enraged, and very well armed woman.
"Do you wish to marry her?" she had asked, and he had nodded, calming her anger down.
Considering the man, she had decided that he would have made a good mate for her precious twin. He was strong and he could keep her contained. He was careful and kind, with a feral protectiveness she liked to see.
"Fine. But if I hear even a whiff of you so much as looking at another woman, I will remove your testicles and give them to her as earrings. Do you understand me?"
He had nodded quickly, face pale.
"Then you may be with my sister should she chose to be with you."
"Thank you…"
Letari had evidently chosen to be with him, as they had been holding hands the next time she saw them together. The sight made her happy, if a little wary.
She hadn't known they had grown close, and she knew she was failing her twin. To compensate, she had made an effort to be more present in her twin's life.
Letari was happy, very happy, and that was all that counted.
Malik had flourished as a vampire, visiting home for a few months, and then returning when being away from Etani got to be too much for him. She had been selfishly happy when he returned to her and had clung to him for a full twenty minutes while he kissed her face and swung her around just as happily. Their desire for each other had faded as her blood had worked its way out of his system and their love had deepened into something pure and innocent. The growth had left her glad they had not been intimate.
Neah hadn't shown up again, and that had allowed her to relax as well.
The twins hadn't changed and likely never would, but she knew Jaia was still watching her and biding his time. Kai was the perfect man she had always known him to be, tender and gentle. She knew he wanted to discuss the kiss, but he didn't bring it up. Neither did she, unwilling to touch back on the subject again. The idea had scared her, and yet the tenderness of that kiss still lingered on her mind.
What would her life have been like if she had chosen Kai? It would be passionate; it would be slow and gentle, just like him. As for Jaia, she knew that was a bad consideration to have, though there was no stopping it. She had a deep, vicious longing for the man that she couldn't stop, and though she hated him, she wanted him very badly. He drew out something in her she didn't understand, and she was far too curious to know what it was.
She could picture what their offspring would look like when she tried to, two black haired children with his pale skin and her eyes, his intelligence, and her curiosity. It was a silly little fantasy that she had found herself indulging in more than once.
Her thoughts of a relationship with the others were less tender. With Daemon it would be wild, but no less passionate, the demon showing her what love with a demon could be like. She had to suppose it would be the same as with Dirdos, though with him it would be showered in beautiful things, the dragon wanting to make her happy, and try to teach her vanity.
With Sebastian it would have been wild and feral, the man enhancing her bloodlust and pushing her to stop hiding herself from the world. He would encourage her nature in a way that would see destruction. That idea excited her more than she was willing to admit, and she thought he could sense that in her, her curiosity about him and what he would be like.
She had known love for only a fleeting moment, and she wanted it again, but not yet.
Vincent she was wary of, still hurt that he had done nothing to protect her. She didn't blame him, not at all, but it was hard to forget his and Dainin ignoring the pleas for help from those who had fallen victim to Neah.
The last man on her thoughts was the one that lingered more than most, rivalling that of Jaia. Versalis as he sat on the bathroom floor, bleeding profusely from her knife and yet refusing to leave her side when she had needed him most. His need to comfort and protect her, his promise never to let Neah hurt her. She often found herself watching the man, a faint smile pulling at her lips as she recalled their teasing him and his pouting, then his lifting his shirt to make Uzo laugh heartily while he tried to prove how much of a manly man he was.
The memory was one she cherished, replaying it in her mind again and again when she felt anxious or simply wanted something pleasant to think about. It would have been easy to love Versalis. But it would have been a volatile love, one filled with blood and destruction that was entirely out of their control. That didn't stop her from wondering though, her eyes lingering on him in the quiet moments when she didn't think anyone was watching. She thought she did love the man more than the others, though she refused to let herself give in to it.
She would observe him, the way his fingers traced over the curve of his lower lip when he was thinking, or unconsciously tracing the outline of some of the markings on his shoulder.
She often wondered what it might be like to trace those lines with her lips, and she would blush, tearing her eyes away to find Letari smirking at her as she caught the fleeting thoughts that flitted across Etani's mind.
She had not forgotten the deal they had, but she was not ready to move on from what had happened over that year. She couldn't bear the thought of being touched, let along making love.
The idea of having any man loving her sent her into a spiral of panic that forced her down into the little space between the basin and wall in the bathroom.
They knew where to find her now, and they all knew what had been on her mind when she went there, but none of them pressed her for information. They knew, and they pretended it didn't happen so she could bring herself back, or else Uzo would be there to coax her back.
The Fae had set up camp at her side, watchful and alert for any signs of distress and she had made an effort to ensure he knew how grateful she was. She wanted him to know she adored him and loved him. He would often smile sadly at her at that point, knowing it was her fear of losing him again that drove her to speak out. He would hug her and kiss her hair, murmuring that he loved her too while she clung to him, simply glad to have him there. She knew it was greedy, but she didn't want him to leave.