"It's a technique where people skilled in controlling ki become one through physical intimacy and share energy on a deeper level, nya~ But I'm Ikki's girlfriend, and we all know who Shirone's in love with, right?"
When Kuroka said that, Issei backed down with a reluctant "Yeah, I guess…" Though judging by his drooling expression, he was already fantasizing about "healing sex."
"Azazel-sensei! Find me a cute girl who'll perform Youjutsu healing on me!!"
This guy's got his priorities backwards!!
"Good luck with that. You'd need someone cute, skilled in senjutsu to the point of healing souls, and willing to sleep with you. Even the Nekomata sisters aren't an option. Unless… you wanna become 'one' with Ikki instead? I wouldn't recommend it though."
"HELL NOOOOO!!"
"WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU!?"
What kind of insane suggestion is that from a supposed governor general!?
"Hey, don't blame me. Ever since I became the Occult Research Club's advisor, the girls in school sometimes ask questions like, 'Who's the top between Issei, Ikki, and Yuuto?' As a teacher, I feel obligated to answer student questions."
Please don't let your educator spirit run wild in that direction!
After yelling at Azazel alongside Issei, we finally got back to the main topic.
"So… there's no easy fix for Issei's lifespan, huh."
Well, not by normal means, anyway. But what about… unusual means?
I mean, this is Issei. With his track record, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if sucking Rias's boobs gave him some kind of boob energy healing boost… But that's a bit too indecent to suggest right now. Still… there is one idea that might work.
"President Rias, could I ask you for something?"
Rias left and came back carrying a box.
"What's in the box?"
Issei, still grumbling about Azazel, hadn't been paying attention. But when Rias opened the box,
"B-Boobs!?"
Inside were six unbelievably plump, glistening fruits, so breast-like it was indecent.
"Issei's familiar, Ryuuko, has been under the care of the joint Gremory–Sitri research team over the summer. They wanted to study her and the fruit she produces. They've even decided on a name."
A name, huh. Last time I suggested "Opple Fruit," Yuuto shot it down hard.
"It's called… Pi-Nyu-Chichi."
"P-Peachichi…?"
"Pi. Nyu. Chichi."
…Why does that sound so wrong and yet… so right?
Azazel nodded in admiration.
"I see. It looks like a breast, but also resembles a peach. A fusion of peach and chichi (boob). And look at the juice content… if you gently bite the tip, it's practically a simulation of breastfeeding, "
Ignoring Azazel's lecture, I shoved a Pi-Nyu-Chichi at Issei.
"Eat it. You know how these fruits are made, right? If it's you, it should work."
"Wait, what exactly should work!?"
"Just shut up and eat!"
"Mmph!!"
I crammed it into his mouth and immediately examined his aura.
"…You've gotta be kidding. I was half joking, but his lost life force is actually regenerating! Swallow it all, Issei!"
Everyone was stunned, but I focused on the recovery. One fruit restored about 100 years of lifespan.
This guy… just added 100 years by eating a boob-shaped fruit. That's some insane conversion rate!
Anyway, it's confirmed that Pi-Nyu-Chichi can restore lost lifespan. As Zatouji once said: "A familiar should complement what the master lacks." And these two boob-dragons really are the perfect pair.
Meanwhile, Issei was silently staring at the remaining fruits, deep in thought.
"What's wrong, Issei?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing."
Either way, he'd now earned approval to continue using the White Dragon Emperor's power.
=====================
Later…
Kuroka and I stayed out of the meeting to give the Gremory and Sitri peerage rating game their space. We'd cheer from the sidelines.
"Nyaa~ Looks like you've gotten even stronger, Ikki. Extending your lifespan too? You really should thank Yasaka-nya~"
Kuroka cuddled up to me on the sofa, my arm was… buried somewhere.
"Wasn't really meant to be training, but that's basically what it turned into. What about you?"
"Nya? Me? I mostly watched Shirone's training. I worked on my fundamentals. I've got that one technique we practiced coming along nicely~"
I nodded. Her aura definitely felt sharper. My sensing abilities had improved too. I could probably fight blindfolded now.
Since we had time, I practiced a demonic realm survival technique with Kuroka, but soon Grayfia called us for lunch. Even Rias's parents thanked me, both for looking after Rias and because the Pi-Nyu-Chichi might become a new Gremory-Sitri product line.
Later, we saw everyone off to the game and settled into the Gremory home's theater to watch.
The match ended in a Gremory win, but Sitri's team gave them a run for their money. Honestly, they were all stronger than in the original, but I guess Souna would've trained just as much as Rias, especially after seeing Koneko's growth.
"Nyaa~ What a cheesy fight."
"True, that last one-on-one between the Kings wasn't exactly tactically sound. But they're still students. It's fine to be a little hot-blooded."
"You sound like an old man, nya. Still, it looked like they learned a lot."
"Even the… Boob-Speak Translator Pailin-gual?"
"…I don't know what you're talking about, nya."
Even Kuroka had her limits, apparently.
Oh, and the MVP? Saji, who beat Issei, was personally commended by Sirzechs.
=====================
The Next Day
We boarded the train back to the human world. I'd always wanted to ride this thing.
While Issei fought his summer homework, I sipped tea with Kiba.
"Damn it! You guys already finished your homework!?"
"We did it the day we got it."
"You're syncing your answers now!? Show-offs!!"
I'm the type who tackles the hard stuff first. If I don't, it lingers in my mind and ruins my break.
As we reached our destination, a handsome young devil approached us.
"Asia Argento! I finally found you!"
"Huh?"
He ignored her confusion and continued:
"Have you forgotten me? I suppose that's fair. My face was mostly hidden, and it wasn't exactly a calm situation. But… do you remember this scar?"
He pulled open his shirt to reveal a deep wound.
"That scar…! No way!"
"I'm glad you remember. I'm the next head of House Astaroth, Diodora Astaroth. You saved my life. And from that day on, I've always wanted to tell you…"
He knelt before her and kissed her hand.
"I've fallen in love with you. I've come to take you home, please, become my wife."
=====================
Calm down, Ikki. Even if this guy was a total scumbag in the original story, I still need to confirm the truth first. I said the same with Raynare… and that turned out badly too.
As unease settled over the group, I quietly began planning my next move.
=====================
Note: The term "Pi-Nyu-Chichi" used in this story is a made-up, comedic expression. It plays on classic ecchi anime onomatopoeia.
"Pi" and "Nyu" are both silly sound effects often used to represent poking or squishing something soft.
"Chichi" is a casual/slang term for "boobs" in Japanese.
So when mashed together — "Pi-Nyu-Chichi!" — it's basically an exaggerated, goofy way of saying "Squish the boobs!.