Chapter 549: The One Who Loves Slashing and the Pretty Boy
"Invited, my ass. Haku and I are here to deliver goods."
Zabuza pointed toward the tourist district behind him.
"..."
Kakashi was already used to Zabuza's rather "refined and courteous" way of speaking.
Still, since Zabuza hadn't been invited to deal with the opposition, it meant Kirigakure's dissidents weren't much of a threat.
The Mizukage didn't need to mobilize every available hand.
Thinking about it carefully, that made sense.
Now that the nations had formed an alliance, if something really happened, they wouldn't rely on just Kisame.
As for the delivery...
Kakashi recalled hearing that the Land of Waves had become a major trading port between the mainland and the overseas islands.
Delivering cargo there was perfectly normal.
"So you're making a delivery. Then what brings you over here?"
Kakashi asked.
"What brings me here? Of course I've got business. Kakashi, tell me—did you write this damn thing?"
Zabuza pulled a book from his pocket and slapped it straight into Kakashi's face.
"Which one is it?"
Kakashi didn't deny it immediately.
After all, this wasn't the first time he'd taken the blame as the supposed author.
He needed to see the title first.
Hearing that, Zabuza laughed in exasperation.
"'Which one?' Kakashi, you born-pervert. Just how many weird novels have you written?"
"Do you remember how many rice balls you've eaten...? No, what I mean is, I didn't write this one. I've never even heard of it. What's wrong with this book?"
After reading the title and searching his memory, Kakashi answered.
His status as the 'first author' might be fake, but he felt he could compete for the title of 'first reader'.
If even he hadn't read this novel...
Had it only just been published?
"It tells the story of a heartless guy who loves cutting people down, wandering around with an ice-user who's actually a boy but looks like a girl. Later on, that heartless guy has to duel some white-haired show-off with special eyes who wears a face mask."
Zabuza summarized the story in the most direct, straightforward way possible.
"..."
Kakashi fell silent once again.
He genuinely couldn't tell whether he was just being overly sensitive.
After all, he'd only just angered that young woman earlier by constantly relating her story to the Uchiha Clan Massacre.
"Kakashi, quit pretending with me! You're seriously going to act like you don't get it?!"
Seeing Kakashi's expression, Zabuza finally exploded.
Originally, he'd only come over because he'd seen Kakashi's group making such a big scene nearby.
He'd just been curious and wanted to ask a question.
But now Kakashi was pretending not to understand.
Wasn't that the very definition of ''there's no silver buried here''?
So it 'was' written by Kakashi!
This book—The Biography of Sukuna.
"Wait, Zabuza. Calm down. I'm not pretending. I'm just surprised a story this coincidentally similar even exists..."
Kakashi hurriedly waved his hands in explanation.
"Heh. Still pretending in front of me?"
"'How could there possibly be such a coincidence?' Bullshit!"
"Your 'Buff Man Paradise' and 'Infinite Tsukuyomi' books, which one of them didn't 'coincidentally' resemble people from the real ninja world?"
"I wasn't even suspicious of you at first. But now you've exposed yourself, Kakashi!"
Zabuza looked at him with utter disdain.
Even Hoshigaki Nanami, who had just finished arguing with Kakashi moments ago, watched the whole exchange before giving him the exact same contemptuous look.
The type of person she despised most was someone who put on an act.
Like Kakashi.
Obviously a pervert, yet always pretending to be some honorable gentleman.
Or Uzumaki Naruto.
Obviously a Bond-Type Ninja, yet using the Sexy Technique to pretend he liked girls.
"I... Forget it. Nothing I say will convince you now. Let's just assume I wrote it. Did the book actually slander you in any way?"
Left with no choice, Kakashi compromised.
Once the conversation had already gone off the rails, trying to explain or rather argue was pointless.
Anything he said now would just sound like excuses.
So he decided to accept the premise first before trying to fix things.
Like what he was doing now.
After taking the book earlier, aside from reading the title on the cover, he'd casually flipped through a few pages.
During those few flips, he'd secretly used the Sharingan's dynamic vision to perform quantum-speed reading, instantly absorbing parts of the contents.
Compared to the 'Buff Man' series or the 'Infinite Tsukuyomi' series...
This book couldn't even be called mild.
It was practically plain water.
It was astonishingly normal.
Kakashi could only conclude that Zabuza hadn't been lying earlier.
At first, Zabuza genuinely hadn't suspected Kakashi.
It was only because Kakashi had reacted so strangely that suspicion arose.
He thought that question would finally end the matter.
Instead, Zabuza immediately flipped to the first page and pointed at the opening.
"Yeah, never mind the later chapters. I already checked those. You didn't write all that bond nonsense about me."
"But what the hell is this?"
Yeah.
What the hell was this?
Kakashi wanted to know too.
He hadn't written the thing.
His quantum-speed reading had only skimmed several scenes in the middle.
He had no idea what the opening contained.
Following where Zabuza pointed...
Kakashi finally understood.
The protagonist—the same heartless swordsman Zabuza had described earlier, the one obsessed with slashing people and destined to duel the white-haired masked man with special eyes—had been treated as a monster since childhood.
The villagers feared his power.
They ostracized him.
Drove him away.
Even tried to kill him.
Looking at that opening, and recalling the later scenes he'd skimmed...
Was this really called The Biography of Sukuna?
Or should it have been called The Biography of Dark Naruto?
Nobody had bullied Zabuza as a child.
His story was famous throughout the ninja world.
He was the guy who slaughtered all of his classmates.
What Zabuza was questioning now was why, if the protagonist was obviously based on him, the tragic childhood was copied from Naruto instead.
Naruto was Kakashi's disciple.
Wasn't this basically taking advantage of Zabuza?
...
Kakashi racked his brain for a long time but still couldn't think of a solution.
Then, almost unconsciously, he glanced at the title once more.
A strange sense of familiarity surfaced.
Sukuna.
He was sure he'd heard that name once before.
Back in Amegakure.
But when?
He could barely remember.
"Wait! This book really wasn't written by me. I have actual proof!"
Kakashi suddenly slapped his thigh and shot to his feet.
He'd finally remembered.
"?"
"Kakashi... did something go wrong with your brain? What did I do for you to suddenly shout "Wait!" Or were you actually shouting "Man"?" Zabuza looked at Kakashi as if he were staring at an idiot.
(End of this chapter)