Several days passed after the Slytherin-hosted group date, and as December rolled around, I, Harry Potter, found myself troubled by two things.
The first was Cho Chang, the girl I had feelings for.
She was a Ravenclaw Seeker, a year above me, but a head shorter than I was and incredibly cute. She had a small face, long proportions despite her height, narrow shoulders, and an overall delicate impression.
(Fortunately, it seems there's still no sign of another guy around Cho…)
Maybe because more than half the participants in that group date were handsome Slytherins who were clearly good at emotional maneuvering, Cho apparently felt put off, or cooled down, by the calculation she sensed behind their romantic behavior.
Still, the fact that no other guy had made a move on Cho yet was a separate issue from whether I could actually ask her out.
I tried approaching her a few times after that, but every time, the girls around her would giggle, whisper, or squeal with laughter, making it hard to get a moment alone with her.
"Why do girls always stick together…? I can't ask her out like this."
"If you can beat a dragon, this should be easy, right?"
A few days ago, I would've agreed with Ron. But now, I honestly felt like fighting a dragon again might be easier.
And then there was my other worry, which had become an all-too-familiar sight lately.
"To change this situation, we, the 'House-Elf Welfare Promotion Association,' have risen up today! To denounce the repeated atrocities of slave labor and to speak on behalf of those who have been oppressed!"
Day after day, a loud voice echoed in front of the Great Hall at dinnertime. There stood Hermione Granger, an activist waving a banner emblazoned with the large letters "S.P.E.W.", handing out pamphlets and shouting through a megaphone.
◇◆◇
Hermione has finally lost it.
When I, Ron Weasley, first mocked Hermione about it, Harry brushed it off with a "You're exaggerating." But now, even he admits that was a misjudgment.
Harry getting all lovestruck was bad enough, but Hermione diving headfirst into some shady political activity, or rather a social movement, was even more unmanageable.
"And yet, this place of learning, which should be free, has become a breeding ground for structural violence, where oppression continues unseen, as if we had reverted to the Dark Ages!"
Apparently, Hermione had been deeply shaken by how Crouch treated his house-elf after the World Cup. Ever since then, no matter how much we tried to explain that house-elves were creatures who found fulfillment in working, she refused to listen.
To top it off, she went and formed some suspicious organization called "S.P.E.W.", which we secretly call "Spew," and practically forced Harry and me into joining it. Can you believe that?
Meanwhile, she herself had gotten into the activist mindset and made it a daily routine to give speeches in the corridor just outside the Great Hall after dinner.
"The wizarding world defines them as beings equal to us as 'people,' yet in reality, they have been treated as second-class citizens, no, as slaves! Is this truly acceptable?!"
And so today again, Harry and I found ourselves helping out with "Spew," grumbling, "Can't this end already?"
"This kind of double standard is nothing less than an act that severely damages our credibility in modern society! Now is the time to put an end to the falsehoods and hypocrisy festering in the wizarding world and strive for a truly free and fair society!"
What we hadn't expected was that Hermione asked Elaina from Slytherin for help.
"Don't you think it's awful?"
When Hermione launched into her complicated "anti-slavery" talk, Elaina nodded solemnly, saying, "I see, I see," but I didn't miss the faint smile at the corner of her lips.
Elaina might be unusually reasonable for a Slytherin, but calling her a "good girl" would be completely wrong.
She was like a dangerous concoction of Fred and George's sociability and talent for causing trouble, Percy's intellect, Bill's good looks, and Charlie's athleticism, distilled into one person.
"At the very least, it sounds interesting as material."
"This is neither material nor a joke!"
As expected, Elaina casually brushed off Hermione's irritation and enjoyed herself. Harry and I shot her looks that said, "Do something," and "We give up," but that may have just backfired.
"Hm. The fact that you asked me for help shows you have good taste, Hermione."
After all, my record and credibility speak for themselves, Elaina said, praising herself. And the annoying part was that, unlike Lockhart, she really was competent, so we couldn't deny it.
Just from what I could remember: first year, Quidditch betting; second year, sketchy exorcism goods and adult magazines; third year, anti-curse vests; fourth year, a polyhedral mirror. She clearly had serious business sense.
"Very well. I'll help. But I have a condition."
As she said that, Elaina opened her mouth again when she saw Hermione urging her to continue.
"If you take me on as an advisor, you will follow my policies."
"Alright."
"Then we have a deal."
Elaina grinned boldly. I whispered to Harry, "This is definitely going to end badly," but I soon had to take those words back.
"First, as compensation for their labor, give the secretary, Harry, and the treasurer, Ron, the right to freely copy homework."
Harry and I looked at each other without thinking. Unbelievable.
"Harry, let's start calling Elaina an angel. No, maybe a goddess…?"
"The goddess of commerce and compassion, Saint Elaina… not bad."
Hermione complained, saying, "That's like some kind of under-the-table deal…!" but one line from Elaina instantly crushed all objections.
"Hermione, do you know what 'slave labor' is?"
"Ugh."
"Ha!"
She shot me a sharp glare, but if that's the logic, I wouldn't mind being a member of "Spew"… I mean, the house-elf whatever association.
And so Elaina's consulting began.
"Hermione, when you want people to listen to you in public, do you know what matters most?"
"Um, consistency and logical coherence of your principles?"
"Appearance."
It was blunt, but she wasn't wrong. If someone like Crouch or Percy muttered complicated speeches, no one would listen. But if a beauty like Fleur or Elaina spoke clearly on a street corner, plenty of passersby would stop.
In fact, last year, Lupin's already high reputation skyrocketed thanks to Greengrass's younger sister going wild, and Lockhart, despite having no substance at all, still got people to listen based on looks alone.
"Before the content, become someone who makes people want to listen."
And so Hermione was taken away by Elaina, helped with makeup and hairstyling, and only then resumed her speeches.
By the way, properly made up, Hermione blended naturally into the stylish, sparkling group of girls like Elaina and Daphne. It was a total transformation that made you wonder where her usual bookish, frizzy-haired self had gone.
"Next is speech technique."
Elaina instructed Hermione on things like the following:
Rule one: Repeat short, easy-to-understand phrases.
Rule two: Use gestures, not just words.
Rule three: Add a sense of story so it doesn't become monotonous.
Rule four: Aim for free time after classes and meals are over.
As Hermione eagerly took notes, Elaina continued.
"Start with familiar topics that are easy for the audience to empathize with. Begin by speaking softly, as if confiding in them, but create pauses to build anticipation, and gradually add gestures."
"G-gestures…"
"Yes. In the end, what truly moves people's hearts is the speaker's passion. If you genuinely care about the house-elves, then express that heat with your entire body. Deliver the cry of your soul to everyone!"
Wow, that sounded impressive. Harry nodded along, and Hermione, breathing hard, looked fired up with determination.
"I'll do it!"
"That's the spirit. All right, let's start practicing. Take a deep breath, clench your fist—"
"L-like this?"
"I can still see hesitation. If your embarrassment outweighs your feelings for the house-elves, your message will never reach them. Be more intense, more passionate. Speak with your whole body."
At first, Hermione's speech was halting and monotonous, but gradually it gained heat. She began to thrust her fist high into the air, her resounding voice echoing through Hogwarts.
"Yes, just like that. It's much better than before. Shall we try once more?"
"Yes!"
Hermione's excitement rose as Elaina coached her, and as a result, what had initially felt like a roadside sermon transformed into a proper piece of agitation—no, a fiery address that caught the attention of passersby.
"I have a dream! One day, the witches and wizards of this country will rise up and truly realize, in society itself, the ideal that all people are equal!"
Whether it was Hermione's efforts paying off or the result of Elaina's production was hard to say, but "Spew" had now become one of Hogwarts' curious sights, a minor attraction in its own right.
If you looked around, students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons were snapping photos with cameras, clearly thinking there was no better piece of entertainment. Some even bought brightly colored membership badges as joke goods, commonly known as "Spew badges."
With Fred and George acting as vendors, they were also selling shirts, tote bags, and mugs as souvenirs, printed with cute, stylized illustrations of house-elves and unnecessarily sleek "S.P.E.W." logos.
"Hey there, Beauxbatons miss! How about buying one as a British souvenir?"
"Buy five and I'll throw one in for free!"
Strangely enough, the most popular items were goods printed in monochrome with Hermione herself striking a decisive pose, known as "Granger merchandise." Apparently, their sales had recently surpassed the "Let's Support Cedric Diggory!" badges.
"These aren't Che Guevara goods!"
At first, Hermione was furious at being treated like prank merchandise or joke souvenirs and said a bunch of incomprehensible things, but once again, Elaina managed to persuade her.
"In this world, standing out is everything. They say bad fame is better than no fame at all."
"I suppose recognition is important, but…"
"The number of supporters is proportional to name recognition. If more people listen, eventually some of them will start listening seriously."
With that, it seemed they compromised and decided to go with an agitation-and-joke approach for a limited time.
"Of course, it may still sound like a dream right now! But when that ideal becomes reality one day, we will truly feel our society's greatness and take pride in it!"
And just as Elaina had said, it started with students like Ernie Macmillan, the slightly high-minded type. Eventually, even Viktor Krum was listening intently to Hermione's impassioned speech.
"From the majestic mountains of the Highlands, from the beautiful hills of the Lake District, from the skyscrapers of London! Let us ring the bells of freedom and equality throughout this beautiful society!"
By the time the speech ended, around a dozen audience members, including Krum, were applauding, and Hermione looked a little pleased.
Incidentally, the one responsible for producing the "Spew goods" was none other than Saya.
"Fred! George! I brought more merchandise!"
"Nice!"
"Thanks for the hard work, Saya."
Despite her usually eccentric thoughts and behavior, Saya was actually quite skilled with magic. So why was she helping with this? The reason was simple.
"Hermione, once this is over, could you take a look at my potion brewing for a bit?"
"Of course. Just wait a moment."
After that group date, Saya had suddenly proposed a deal to Hermione. In exchange for helping with the activities, she wanted advice on potion brewing.
Hermione seemed deeply moved.
Not only was she happy that Saya had joined the activity, at least nominally, but she was also delighted that a younger girl had asked her for academic help. She readily agreed, saying things like, "Of course! Ask me anything!"
But I knew better. Saya's goodwill always came with strings attached. I didn't want to get involved, so I kept my mouth shut.
"Well then, I'll head back to the common room first!"
And with that, Saya darted off like the wind. She really was like a storm.
"Ron, you've got a calculation wrong there."
"Huh? Where?"
By the way, as the treasurer, my job was to record the sales of the "Spew" goods that Fred and George sold on parchment. Harry was technically the secretary, but ever since he bought an automatic quill from Elaina, he had a lot of time on his hands.
While Harry and I were doing the calculations, Elaina appeared with a fearless smile, having apparently finished dinner in the Great Hall.
"My, my… sales seem to be going well."
Incidentally, thirty percent of the profits from the "Spew goods" went straight to Elaina as a consulting fee. Forty percent was Fred and George's cut, and the remaining thirty percent became operating funds. It was a pretty ruthless business model.
"Hey Ron, I've been thinking about this for a while now," Harry said suddenly.
"Isn't Hermione's whole activity basically just being used for Elaina's stingy business—"
"My friend, say no more."
At the very least, as long as this farce continued, Hermione let us copy our homework in full. That was what mattered.
"Oh? So Harry finally noticed," Elaina chimed in, popping her head out with the face of an evil witch.
"Well, I suppose there's no helping it if you've figured it out."
"You really are…"
"That was only about half a joke."
So half of it was true, then.
"Hermione, may I have a moment?"
"Oh, Elaina, what is it?"
"If it's Sunday morning this week, it seems a meeting can be arranged."
When Elaina said that, Hermione's face lit up with joy.
"Will Professor Dumbledore, Professor Snape, and Professor Flan be there too?"
"I've already spoken with them."
"Yes!"
"What's this about?" I asked.
Elaina answered like this.
"For Hermione's activities to truly bear fruit, appealing only to students isn't enough. If you seriously want to improve the treatment of Hogwarts' house-elves, you'll need the teachers to be convinced."
That was certainly true.
Still, if we barged into Snape's office and demanded the liberation of house-elves, there was no telling how many points Gryffindor would lose.
So the next step of the "Spew" activities seemed to be this: Elaina would set up appointments, gather the professors together, and create a place for Hermione to once again appeal for improvements to the current situation.
And not a single one of us imagined that Hermione's greatest trial was yet to come.
(End of chapter)
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