Li Chenyuan had always had a short temper.
When he was born, he was born screaming. His mother held him, in tears, but he only bit her fingers. When his father tried to touch his head, he only screamed louder. How could a newborn be so energetic? He was even born with a few teeth! With these, he bit and gnashed at his nurses.
Li Fengguang had always had an even shorter temper.
When Li Chenyuan was a toddler, he had no parents, and his uncle, Li Fengguang, was his only caretaker. All of the servants who had been hired to care for him were fired, and he was shoved into a shed by his uncle.
"There," Li Fengguang sneered. "A doghouse for the dog."
Li Chenyuan couldn't understand the meaning of this insult. After all, he was only four. But he could hear the contempt in that voice, and he jumped on Li Fengguang and bit his leg until it bled. He didn't get to eat for two days.
Li Chenyuan was also a tricky child. Given enough time alone, he could tear a room apart. Given this, he eventually figured out how to climb out of his shed at night and wander his parents' mansion. The first time he was caught, he was beaten black and blue, until that baby his uncle had adopted started to cry in the next room over. The next time he was caught, he was sent away with one black eye. The next time, Li Fengguang ignored him.
After all, what was the real harm? If that kid stole something or tried to hurt him, he'd be beaten two-thirds to death and have no food for a week! What kid would dare?
So, Li Chenyuan became like a little ghost. By day, he was ushered into the back courtyard with his shed, so that guests wouldn't be shocked by his dirty and abused face. By night, he wandered the halls, peering into rooms and eating leftover rice in the kitchens. The servants, feeling pity for him, began to leave him meals, and he would crawl through the kitchen window at night and eat them with relish.
There was also a library with too many books. Since he knew how to read a little, he sat there often to try and learn different things. It was a along time before he could read easily. He read about cultivation and heroes; dumpling recipes; ancient wars. He really liked those books on cultivators, especially when there were illustrations.
Slowly, a little bean grew into a lanky beanstalk. The older Li Chenyuan grew, the more suspicious Li Fengguang became of him. Even with his malnourished state, this kid had someone grown somewhat strong. He wasn't strong enough to beat him, but he was strong enough to fight back a little, and Li Fengguang didn't feel like being bruised. Keeping up appearances was important, after all. So, he hired a few servants to manhandle that kid whenever he misbehaved.
There was the problem of Li Chenyuan's age. he was growing quickly, and time passes like sand. When he was 20, the Li title and mansion would be his. Before then, Li Fengguang would have to find a way to get rid of him. What a thorn in his side! If he had just died of malnourishment or been killed by his father, everything would be so easy!
There was also the matter of his demonic cultivation. It should manifest soon. When that happened...he would really have to keep that kid on the edge of death, or he might ruin everything!
This was how Li Chenyuan grew up. Solitary, fearing his uncle's hand and always hungry. Though Li Mei talked to him a little as she grew older, his uncle never let her stay around him for too long. Most probably he thought he would try to kill her. In the end, Li Chenyuan had no one to care for himself, but himself.
His mind was dark, with many cliffs and spikes. What was the use of living, if living was to be abused? If he escaped and told everyone what his uncle had done, no one would believe him. If he stayed here, he would be beaten into the dirt three times or more a week. Perhaps it was better to not be alive at all.
He was wandering the back halls of the estate and thinking this, when someone crashed into him. He was very hungry that day, so he hadn't even noticed someone walking down the hallway!
Li Chenyuan swore internally, holding his head and stumbling backward. Perhaps it was going to be the fourth time this week!
Instead, when he looked up, he saw a face that was undeniably beautiful. He blinked once, trying to discern whether it was a man or a woman, and decided it was a man. This person had dark eyes that seemed to carry a kind of sadness, skin smooth and pale like jade, and hair tied neatly in a ponytail. Their robes were elaborate, and their hairpin shone brightly.
"Oh...Are you all right?" That person said, holding a hand out.
______
Li Chenyuan couldn't understand what had changed.
After half a year of training together, his shige had suddenly become cold, and he couldn't stand it.
It wasn't an obvious coldness; Qiu Yunru was always very measured in his emotions, but Li Chenyuan could tell. His smiles were a little forced, he sat a little further, and he wouldn't meet his eyes.
It was like having a stake driven into his heart. Every night, he lay in bled and felt himself bleeding, bleeding, while his shige slept in the next room.
It was becoming difficult to not give into the temptation. If he just planted a few thoughts, then maybe--
Li Chenyuan pulled at his hair, rolling around on his bed. He shouldn't. After all, all the times he'd tried to influence his shige, it had only ended with his shige implying that such things wouldn't work. He had been so disappointed when all Qiu Yunru had said at the Dragon Boat Festival was, It doesn't matter who wins!
But he wanted more so badly from his shige. Already, he had wanted more before, when things were the same as they had been.
Every time they had bathed in the hot springs together, his mind wandered. Who could blame him? His shige was one of the most beautiful people in the world! What's more, he was kind, thoughtful, and gentle, and seeing his face made Li Chenyuan feel a warmth in his stomach that he had never felt before in his life.
Every time they had trained and gotten sweaty, his mind wandered. Every time he heard his shixiong shifting in the next room over, his mind wandered. Wandering, wandering, wandering! He could barely take it!
The worst part was, his shixiong didn't seem to understand his intentions at all. He couldn't really blame him; he was avoiding saying anything clearly on purpose. After all, it wasn't common for a man to desire another man. What if he said things too clearly, and Qiu Yunru hated him afterward? No, it was better to be vague and not get what he wanted, but still get to be close to his shige.
But no matter how many times Li Chenyuan tried to get his shige's attention, nothing seemed to work! It was so, so frustrating!