I know this is out of nowhere, but you know red tea-or perhaps you know it as black tea?
When you hear "red tea", you probably imagine that deep-red liquid you see everywhere. I doubt anyone pictures it as blue. We call it red tea because it's, well… red. It's named for how it looks—it's that simple.
Then you've got green tea. It's darn bitter, but darn tasty too. I like green tea. Probably prefer it to red. Now, you might be wondering what someone in this fantasy getup is prattling on about this stuff for, but this is a big deal for me.
Okay, so, green tea, as the name suggests, is green. I doubt anyone would picture a purple liquid on hearing the words "green tea." But when red tea takes the form of lemon tea, it isn't red anymore, is it? It's yellow. You might think that this drink would be called yellow tea, but it's not—it's still just red tea. Even if you buy bottled lemon tea, you can see "red tea drink" written right there on the label.
And so orange tea is still red tea, as is peach tea. Heck, even tea with milk is known as red tea. What I'm trying to get across is that something's name is only really an indicator as to what it really is. Red tea is red tea even when it isn't red, and I'm pretty sure the same would apply to green tea.
Anyway, they say you should quit while you're ahead, and I think you get my point, so...
"Looking for a carriage, are we? Then may I recommend this one, traveler? This is our most popular cart horse, Powerful Nocerous. She's a rare breed of horse that has a horn."
Naruko and I were in Ydalir, on the hunt for a carriage to take us to Svel. As the stable master was giving us the rundown on this horse, I couldn't help thinking that this thing just… wasn't a horse. It had stone-gray skin, a placid expression on its face, and a magnificent horn protruding from the tip of its nose. Whichever way you slice it, these things are called rhinos on Earth.
"Hey, that's no horse."
"Um, we'll see what else you have, please."
I'd never heard of a rhino-drawn carriage before. Maybe you could find a record of one if you looked in enough history books, but it was new to me at least.
The stable master forced a smile at our rejection, then, undiscouraged, showed us the next horse.
"How about this one, then? Jumbo Sarcosuchus. This versatile horse will see you safely over land and water." The creature he presented us with was stupidly big, green, and covered with scales—some kind of crocodile if I've ever seen one. It bore no resemblance to a horse, but looked like it could swallow a man whole if it wanted to.
"Next"
"Hmmm... Aren't you a tricky customer?" The stable master's face hardened at my refusal of the croc. It wasn't like I was making a strange request. All I wanted was a regular old horse and cart. I wished this guy would stop acting like I was some kind of unreasonable diva.
"Well, I've saved the best till last. Here he is—Super Box Horse. From the establishment of my guild to this very day, not once has he made it to his destination without tiring out on the way."
If this pitch wasn't enough to convince me this horse was hopeless, its appearance definitely was. It looked... Well, at least it was horse-shaped, unlike the last two. But whichever way I looked at it, a real horse this was not. It gave off the distinct impression of being a horse handmade out of cardboard, and the legs poking out of the bottom looked suspiciously human. Basically, it was nothing more than two guys wearing a box decorated to look like a horse. I feel like there was once a horse race in Japan where one of these things showed up...
"We would hate to think you're making light of Us?"
If this stable master was messing with me, he'd taken it too far now. I gave him a slight glare, and he fell back on the floor with a shriek. Super Box Horse was also knocked over in fright, revealing the people inside.
"Big Sis, Pressure! It's your Pressure!" "Mmm."
Apparently my Pressure skill had activated a bit. It was a pain, really—I wasn't even particularly mad, but just getting a little ticked off could set it off automatically. The previous night, it had even been triggered by a mosquito of all things, because it was buzzing around my ear and keeping me up. This new body of mine was off the charts in terms of its capabilities, but I got the feeling that it was taking matters into its own hands since I still wasn't used to it.
"It's... You see... The thing is, there's a monster called the Horse Eater that's started appearing nearby. As you can probably guess, it's partial to horsemeat, meaning we can't send out any horse-drawn carriages."
Who thought a monster that specifically annoying was a good idea? But at least now I could see there was a good reason for all of this. Giving us a horse would mean sending out one of his beloved steeds to its certain doom, so he could only offer animals of the non-equine variety. That still didn't explain why he thought a rhinoceros and a crocodile were the best alternatives, though.
"Um, have you tried hiring adventurers or asking some knights or something?" asked Naruko.
"The blasted beast doesn't show itself unless there's a horse around, and even then, it flees the moment it snags its prey. Adventurers have failed to catch it three times now, and all three times they lost the horses they used as bait."
A formidable foe indeed. And with there being no human victims, none of the knightly orders would be in a rush to come help—not because they wouldn't take the problem seriously, but because they probably had plenty else to deal with. It was only natural that a horse-eating monster would be low on their list of priorities when there were other monsters and grimmfolk out there targeting people, not to mention the fact that other animals could be used as substitutes.
"Hmmm... Then let us fix this mess-on the condition that if we succeed, you give us your best horse and carriage at a very competitive rate."
"Hey, Naruko! You didn't consult with Us first!"
Naruko had taken on a pest-control job for the both of us, but I didn't even think we'd be able to find this darn Horse Eater. Going toe-to-toe with it would have been no problem, but we had no hope if it only appeared when a horse was present. I mean, it wasn't like this guy would have lent these two random travelers one of his horses to use as a decoy, anyway. In other words, strong as I might have been, I couldn't defeat an opponent that wasn't there.
However, it seemed Naruko knew exactly what my doubts were. She threw a grin brimming with confidence my way.
"Don't worry. I have a good idea, Big Sis."
"... So, this is your good idea?"
The two of us were now aimlessly wandering the outskirts of Ydalir, our aim naturally to entice out Horse Eater. But doing nothing but walking around was hardly going to make it show up, so we were both under Super Box Horse, who had been lent to us by the stable master.
"Yes, it is. The monster only emerges for a horse, which leaves us with one option: become a horse ourselves."
Uh… no. Man or beast, nothing would be so utterly stupid to think that this thing, which was so obviously not a horse, was, in fact, a horse.
"Gwaaaarrrgh!"
On second thought, something would be that stupid. Against all my expectations, nonchalantly appearing before us was a monster with a dinosaur-like silhouette. It must have been eight meters tall and had enormous claws. Imagine an alligator walking on its hind legs holding out abnormally elongated arms, and you'd have some idea of what this bizarre creature looked like.
"Hey, there it is, Big Sis."
"Can't it tell the difference by our scent or something?"
I was still in shock, but I decided to change my outlook. It had been kind enough to fall for our trap, and that's all that counted. Still wearing the box, I leapt up to the thing's face and gently kicked. But Naruko's jump was late, which impaired my own and caused me, unbelievably, to hit nothing but air. While the gust generated from my kick sent Horse Eater flying, it failed to finish the job.
"Big Sis, please tell me when you're going to jump!"
"Right, sorry."
"Gw... Gwooorgh?!"
Horse Eater must have gotten the willies after my attack knocked him to the ground, because when he got up he started to run for it. There was no way I was letting him get away now! Naruko and I went after him, the box still over our heads.
We totally outclassed him in the speed department. Even with me going slow to compensate for Naruko, we were still faster. He tried to shake us off by suddenly changing direction just before a tree, but we stayed right on his tail. The awkward shape of the box hindered us, though, and we fell over as we turned, breaking it. "Argh! We don't need this thing anymore, anyway," I said, throwing the box aside and catching up to Horse Eater in a single step. I proceeded to give him an almighty kick—making sure I connected this time—and sent him flying way past the horizon. That should be the last anyone 'round here sees of that guy, I thought.
As promised, we were then given a horse and cart at a discounted price and set off for Svel. As for the box I broke, I simply crafted a new one using alchemy, and all was well. As the last one fell apart when faced with a sharp turn, I gave this one a drum-can body that could handle cornering better. I hoped they would continue to put it to good use. When I said as much, a complicated look spread across the stable master's face.