Parking his moped at the entrance of Fairy Tail, Alter looked at the large building and mentally prepared himself. On his breast pocket was where he kept Aries' key safe, and he had his pen and notepad ready on his hands. Any and all sane person would start writing reports about the guild even before entering if the first thing they saw was one of their mages fly through a door over their heads.
Already ready to take notes, Alter tapped the paper with the tip of his pen and a tired smile on his face, "Be strong, Alter, you're doing it for Aries-chan." He told himself and put on his hat before tipping it up, "It's not like they're an actual problem."
After saying that and stepping in, he was face to face with a gigantic man with muscles over his muscles roaring at the top of his lungs, "And you dare call yourselves men?!"
Alter tilted his head to the side to avoid a punch from him, keeping a friendly smile, "Good morning, Elfman. I see you are your usual… energetic self." He quickly wrote a report on the near assault on his person.
The giant ignored him and kept trying to fight two other mages, "Say that again and fight me, punks!" he swung his fist back, and Alter ducked under the swing while holding his hat with one hand.
"Easy there!" he said with his smile not falling off.
Elfman finally noticed him, and aimed an angry finger at the inspector, "You! You're that sleazy inspector courting my sister! I won't let you set a foot here even if it costs me my place in this guild!" He transformed his right arm into that of a monster to punch Alter with.
He snickered playfully as he jumped over the large arm and landed on a table, sitting on it with one leg crossed over the other, "Is that it? You should know I like to get along with everyone, it's part of being in my line of work. Besides, could you blame me with how pretty Mira is if I actually tried to go out on a date with her and that gorgeous smile?"
Elfman grew even more furious and was about to pummel the inspector, but a voice stopped him, "My, Mr. Alter, as much of a flatterer as always." Said a beauty with white hair that cascaded down her back, a bizarre ponytail on her forehead that spiked up, and the body a model would kill for.
He grinned while Elfman froze in horror, "S-Sis, I was just—"
"Elfman, please leave the inspector be. I'm sure he has business here." She said with a warm smile.
Elfman tried to protest, "But this playboy could—"
She smiled wider, her eyes closed to give herself a more motherly look, "Elfman, I wouldn't go out with someone just like that. You know Loki tried and failed. Now, please leave poor Mr. Alter be."
Elfman ran off, which got a chuckle from Alter, "I wish I knew how to do that. Well then," he hopped off the table to sit on a chair with his hands and chin resting on the back, "as you said, I do have business."
Mirajane, for that was her real name, smiled, "Pasta?"
He grinned, "You know me too well, but that's not it… Well, not entirely." He broke into a sheepish laugh, rubbing the back of his head with a relaxed smile, "I wanted to see the new addition at work, so I just had to come and see her pick her next mission. Spirit Mages always fascinated me when I first heard of them, which is pretty much why I'm doing this."
She nodded and turned, "She's a good girl but is still new to all of this, so I hope you watch over her." As she walked behind a counter to get his order ready, she spoke when hearing him walk close behind her, "Just do me a favor and see if you can help her with Natsu."
Alter resisted the urge of making fun of how obvious that sounded, "Huh, what did he do this time?" he asked amused and intrigued.
Mira giggled innocently, "He's been entering into her home without permission."
"Invading private property and possibly stealing given his appetite and lack of manners to even ask for something with a common please, got it." He wrote down in his notepad and gave her a tired smile, "It's like he enjoys giving me extra work. It pays well, but I think last time he was involved in something I had to explain why a ship arrived into dry land while every single person that lived nearby was crying for blood."
"You don't sound surprised." She somehow remained peppy.
Putting his notepad in his coat and sitting down on a stool, he gave her a carefree smile and shrug, "Every rumor about him disregarding the safety of the public and causing countless property damage is what brings food to my table." He propped his head on a hand and looked at her cook his meal, slightly mesmerized by her figure, "I understand good old Makarov's philosophy, but here Natsu gives me reasons to differ."
Out of the corner of his eye he saw a guy with wild pink hair, a white muffler, blue vest, and ballooning white pants cracking his knuckles as he stood behind him, "Yo, Alter, ready for a proper fight?"
Turning around and tipping up his hat to show a beaming smile, Alter declined, "I wouldn't wish to be a bother to Mira when she's doing me a favor, so please—"
"Come on, don't be chicken!" the pink haired young man shouted, fire engulfing his fist, "I saw how strong you can be, so let me fight you!"
"You wish to fight an inspector who works for the council, Natsu?" He asked casually with a chuckle.
"Yeah!" the pinket, Natsu, hollered, "Let's go right here, right n—" He found one of Alter's business cards glued to his mouth to keep it shut, stuck to it with chakra.
Alter turned to Mira with his usual sunny disposition, "When do you think Lucy will arrive? I talked with her yesterday and really wish to see what she can do."
Mira gave him a friendly smile as both ignored Natsu's attempts to yank the paper off his mouth, "She's usually here early, so it shouldn't be late before—"
"Pah!" Natsu burned the paper and was glaring at Alter, "That's it, I'm taking you down now!"
He tried to punch Alter, who casually brought up an arm to block Natsu's fiery punch inches from his face without losing his smile, "I can see how Levy can deal being here with two good friends. How does Lucy survive the usual Fairy Tail madness?" he asked before swinging a foot back to stop Natsu's kick, slamming his heel on the mage's shin which got a pained yelp.
Mira didn't let her smile fall as she added spices to the pot of pasta, "I can see your point. Being here can be dangerous, but it adds a spice of fun to life."
Alter casually slammed a hand on a nearby tray, making it flip in the air before he caught it to block a large fireball from getting his head, "Mira-chan, please give it to me straight because after dealing with a lawsuit for a ship that somehow crashed on dry land, I'm not surprised by much in this life…" his smile was amused and he wasn't even sweating despite Natsu's attacks, even though the tray had a big smoking hole in it, "Do you know if she has a team here already or are her spirits the only team she needs?"
He was hoping it was the latter, but Mira's noticeably strained smile said no, "She is often seen with Natsu when they… actually, he always drags her on missions."
Alter flipped the broken tray in his hands to block a punch from the pinket, "It's never easy being around you Fairy Tail guys, isn't it?" he didn't even sound tired, more like amused as he kept using the tray to stop each and every single punch from Natsu, "I am actually surprised she has lasted this long with someone like Natsu taking her on missions. Then again, she must be tough to survive that kind of thing."
"Dammit, just take me seriously and I'll kick your ass!" Natsu roared after he destroyed the tray, but found Alter's hand on his forehead keeping him at bay. Alter was taller and with longer arms, so he didn't put much effort in keeping Natsu back singlehandedly like a bully in a playground.
Alter sighed and read the menu with his free hand to wonder what drink to order, "See, my job has me being nice to many people and to try to say as many nice things as I can. I can't just go beating people every time I disagree with them. It would be very ungentlemanly and would make me feel bad… Hmm… Cider sounds lovely for your pasta, Mira."
"Got it, I'll make it fresh just for you." She answered cheerfully before getting some fresh apples from a barrel.
While Natsu flailed to try to hit him, Alter stood up. He was happy to be taller as an adult, towering over the pinket, and even happier to be able to turn him around so he kept flailing at the air. Natsu's eyes were closed, so he didn't see what he was trying to hit until Alter let go of him. The pink haired mage kept hitting nothing but air while Alter waited for his meal, tiring himself and giving Alter some peace.
"What a beautiful day…" Alter whispered as he watched Mirajane cook his meal, "I wonder if there's a better time in life than enjoying a pretty girl's cooking."
Mirajane giggled, and that had most mages in the guild seething with rage at the blond, "I would worry if you ever got a girlfriend and she heard you talk like that to every girl you met."
"My special one may understand it's part of me to try to be polite." The inspector countered, "After all, I may complain about Natsu's destruction, but I still try to be nice by not insulting him. Give me some credit, Mira, I try my best to be nice to everyone I meet and may work with."
"That is a good point." She replied before serving him his food, "But being too charming may work against you, given how many women out there get angry if men try to be polite to other women."
"If a lady would get mad at me for trying to be nice without a second thought then I guess she's not worth dating." He calmly answered, "I've read enough manga as a kid to know that tsunderes are unreasonable. They can be tolerable in some cases, but when they exist just to make some random guy a punchline, that's when the story loses me."
"You're right, though in this guild I guess that kind of attitude would be justified." The two looked at Natsu as Mirajane continued, "One time he tried to watch Erza bathing he almost died, and yet he tried again."
"I am unsurprised." He calmly said before digging into his pasta while she readied his cider, "Speaking of our dear Titania, though, are there any news about her?"
"My, my, do you miss her?" Mirajane asked playfully.
He grinned and closed one eye, "Am I making you jealous?" the two laughed heartily, though some of the mages around them cringed when seeing Mira grip an iron mug so hard that it bent in her grip.
"Mr. Alter, please don't joke about it!" she giggled while throwing aside the useless mug and got him a new one, "I'd rather be single before pondering what man I'd wish to be with. Although I wouldn't mind a collected gentleman such as yourself, but with better tact."
He winced in mock-pain, grinning cheekily at the end, "Ouch, I'm going to feel that in the morning. But really, I'm just glad to be around you, Mira-chan. You make my day a lot brighter with just a smile."
She decided to keep playing her game, "I thought you only came here for my food."
He widened his grin, feeling like he was fishing and got the biggest catch, "That's the bonus, Mira-chan! The bonus! Just being able to chat with Fairy Tail's beauty is good enough to put a dance routine in my day. A chance to see you and enjoy a good conversation after long days locked at the office is what my soul needs. I couldn't imagine a better girl than you to find peace of mind."
And, true to his words, he was about to dance when seeing her blush slightly before she giggled, "Please, stop. We should get serious since Lucy is about to arrive." She felt tempted to say more, but Natsu got tired.
The pinket panted, not having noticed that he still kept his eyes closed while hitting nothing but air, "D-Dammit, so tired! Urgh, how do you like that, you snob?! I bet you're tired dodging all my attacks!"
Alter turned to the nearest mage, a brunette with a long mane of hair, tight jeans, and a bikini top that left nothing to the imagination, "Does he even know what snob means or has someone taught him it, Cana?"
Cana, who had a mug that was basically a barrel of booze, shrugged, "It must be one of those words kids are throwing around and he took just to try to feel smarter when insulting someone."
He smiled softly, "So you don't know what it means either." She chugged her booze, saying no with that action.
Mirajane giggled, "I think you should humor him, Mr. Alter, he's just so tired."
He tipped down his hat and sighed, "If it's your command…" he leaned on the counter, "Oh my, Natsu, I am so, so tired from avoiding you. Like, really. You nearly got me." He said flatly, grinning at the lovely barmaid.
Natsu, though, had the biggest grin on his face and pumped his fists, "Yeah, I finally made you break a sweat!"
Mirajane giggled, "Good enough." She watched Natsu boast as his ego was stroked, "I guess ignorance really is bliss."