"Hmm…" a certain butler hummed to himself in a street market filled with humans after taking a bit out of an apple.
The merchant before him smiled brightly, motioning to all the apples in his simple stand, "They're all fresh as you can see! If you want to make apple pie for your queen, you ought to buy here!"
Haruto took another bite out of his apple and judged the flavor more deeply, "The juice is good and the skin has a texture that makes it a joy to bite into… I'll buy a good five pounds. Two bags, please."
"Sure thing, sir!" the merchant cheered and did as told, "How many for which?"
"A pound for the queen's dessert is more than enough…" the blond mumbled his thoughts out loud, "Yeah, one pound and four separately."
"Hey!" Haruto didn't react at all to the sound of a cheerful voice behind him, two tiny hands covering his eyes while minding his monocle, or the hand that yanked off his apple to take a bite out of it.
He did reply, though, "Coco, to what do I owe the pleasure? Is Panther Lily too busy to play cards with you?"
"Boo, you're no fun!" the voice of a tiny, young girl a couple years older than Wendy at best whined at him before she jumped off his shoulders and started to run around the stoic man. She was small, and looked like a puppy with a small black nose, puppy eyes, and a green cap with long ears adorning it. She was barefoot and her only clothing consisted of blue pants and a yellow poncho/dress.
"What brings you to me today, then?" he asked and took his apple back before she could react, "Did I do anything in particular to have you here?"
She puffed up her cheeks rather cutely in anger, "I saw you walking in and wanted to see what you were up to! You are fast and all, so I want to play with you! I'm really, really bored at the castle! The king's been mad because of you, so I have no time to play and it's your fault! That's why we're playing now!"
Without even looking as he grabbed his two bags of apples with one hand, he used his free hand to grab the girl by the head gently, stopping her dead in her tracks even if she kept running, "Another day, perhaps. I am planning on trying to bake an apple pie for the queen's dessert. If you're a good girl and behave, I could use some of my apples to bake you one."
"Really?!" she had sparkles flying around her eyes at the idea of good food, and some drool started to drip down the side of her mouth.
Swiftly, he wiped her mouth, having to kneel down to do so, and spoke to her, "Only if you behave."
"Yes! I can't wait to try your food!" Coco cheered and followed him.
"By the way…" he started, "Why are you following me? Isn't the king's army more important than a butler?"
She beamed, "Nah, I just really want to do something fun since you made things boring, so getting your good food is good enough!"
"I see, I didn't think I was any decent." He looked up a bit in thought, "So far I just follow recipes." After a pause he regained his thoughts, "Anyway, isn't there more to your company than boredom?"
"Why must you use big fancy words?" she puffed her cheeks at him, "Try and say things directly."
"I fear I can't be more direct without being blunt, and that could be worse." He stated flatly, but did notice something, It's not like I can ignore the one behind us either.
Before Coco could react, the butler had placed her behind him with his left arm protectively around her and Killer Queen drawn out. The blade shone as he aimed it at a blonde young woman, "I guess the rumors aren't for show." She smirked, grabbed a magic whip and cracked its beam chain against the floor, "Sorry, but we're kinda busy here, and since you already noticed me and drew your weapon, I can't just run off."
"Lucy Ashley." Haruto called her flatly, "What are you and your guild up to? Stealing more magic or food from the people who can barely afford them?"
She smirked, "We'd steal from the big honchos, but that's not easy. And your reputation precedes you as a guy who loves to poke his nose into other's business. As the Exceed queen's butler, why don't you poke it into her—" that was as far as she got before dashing back and lashing at him, which he ducked under before following her with a jump.
Biting a growl, she moved up her arms to block his, keeping his sword at bay, "Mocking me is alright with me. Insulting the queen with such words is another story." He delivered a swift palm strike with his left palm that knocked the wind out of her and sent her skidding back to a stop.
Lucy sucked in a sharp gasp and glared at him, "Ugh… Yeah, the rumors aren't for show…" she reached into her pockets and pulled out a small bomb, "You should know the ones about us aren't for show either!"
Her maniacal grin gave away her thoughts and Haruto took his more defensive stance, "Coco, go get help and I'll bake you two pies."
"You got it!" the girl dashed off at high speeds while the butler adjusted his monocle.
Lucy ground her teeth, "Hey, you smug prick, how about you act like this is serious and worry?!" she threw the bomb at him, which he was about to swat, if not for her words, "That's a contact bomb! Toss it aside if you dare show you care for yourself more than these people!"
Hearing that and seeing that they were in the middle of a busy street, he knew tossing it around could harm a bystander. However, he knew too well when someone was bluffing, and Lucy was shocked when he slid a foot forward and stabbed the bomb. Everyone screamed and ran off for safety, but quickly stopped when they didn't hear a big explosion. Upon looking back, they watched the butler taking the bomb off his blade.
"I'm a decent enough poker player." He started and threw the fake bomb behind him, "I also know for a fact you don't hurt civilians needlessly. You and your gang are just petty criminals."
Growling, Lucy jumped at him and cracked her whip, its beam of light flashing, "Let's see if you're that good a fighter, then!"
She stopped before him and lashed at him, which he sidestepped. He would have charged for an attack but she lifted her leg for a kick to his groin. Bringing forward his left arm, he stopped the strike and looked at her unamused and unsurprised. She grinned and giggled rather sadistically before jumping back and lashing once again. This time he leaned his body to the side while her whip crushed a stand into junk.
And the butler reacted to that, "Dammit, I wanted to get cinnamon from there to add flavor to the queen's dessert." He still spoke in a monotone, but his eyes narrowed slightly.
"Hey, dull-faced fox, don't ignore a pretty girl!" she lashed at him again, and he put his attention on her in earnest. Lucy watched him swing his sword in an arc, and observed mesmerized how the air itself was cut with a trail of azure wind, "Was that magi—My whip!"
She was utterly shocked when seeing the beam of her whip had grown shorter after the man cut it off with his sword. Twirling his blade in his hand once, he swung his rapier again and got another chunk of the beam chain cut off. Lucy backed away and kept lashing at him, but it only made her whip shorter and shorter until her back hit the wall. And with no other option, she knew she had to use her trump card.
"Enough games." He said as he aimed his sword at her neck.
Giggling nervously, she smiled and reached for the front of her top, to the zipper, "H-How about we talk it out, big guy…?" she pulled it down to let him see her massive breasts.
But he didn't blink, "Nice try, but I've seen and played with bigger."
"Play with this, then!" she shouted as she pulled a bomb, a real one, out of the space between her boobs, "Bye!"
Alter groaned when bomb covered the entire street in smoke and he would have been mad… had his left arm not shot out and grabbed the blonde by her collar. When the smoke cleared, Lucy was back where she had been with the butler's left hand keeping her steady and his rapier inches from her face. Despite the situation, she bore her teeth at him in an angry scowl.
"Wait here like a good little girl," he told her dryly, "maybe you'll get your just desserts."
Lucy's face changed from anger to disgust, "Please… oh please tell me you feel bad with such a bad sense of humor."
"It's a work in progress."