Zac waved away some steam as his eyes looked across the bubbling pool. His breath hitched. Guncles.
There was Andras, arms spread wide along the edge of the hot tub, his head thrown back. The water had flattened his wet feathers, but instead of looking like a pathetic, drowned rat, he looked incredible. He was lean and wiry, tight and coiled like a European soccer player who smoked too much but could still outrun you. He radiated a "musky bad boy" energy that was palpable even through the sulfur. His head feathers, however, were perfectly dry and fluffy, defying all laws of physics and humidity.
However, before Zac could question the owl's hydro-phobic coiffure, his breath hitched again, and he choked on a bit of spit. There was the lion zaddy.
Nock was floating in the center of the pool on an inflatable raft shaped like a majestic white stallion. He was wearing a tiny, gold lamé speedo that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Slices of cucumber covered his eyes, and his mane was wrapped in a protective towel turban. He looked like a pampered king on vacation.
Zac began running.
His toga slipped, tangling around his legs for a second before he kicked it free, leaving it in a heap on the wet tiles.
"NO RUNNING IN THE BATHS!" Ami's panicked coo echoed from the doorway.
Zac didn't care. He reached the edge of the pool and launched himself into the air, knees tucked to his chest.
"CANNONBALL!"
As Zac hit the water, sending a huge splash outward towards the lounging royal demons, a new thought passed through his mind. In these sorts of situations in most media, the person who jumped into the water would immediately launch themselves out in a comedic reverse-dive. But unfortunately, physics in Hell were way too much like Earth.
HOT.
Zac's tender, over-scrubbed skin immediately screamed at him as he sank into the pool. It wasn't just hot; it was literally boiling. He gasped, taking a deep breath of the hot, seasoned stew jacuzzi water, and immediately passed out.
....
"ZACARY NOOO!"
Zac lay on his back by the side of the pool, his eyes closed. His skin felt tight, hot, and incredibly unhappy with him. Did I die again? he thought groggily. Did I get reincarnated as a lobster? His mind was still seizing from the nearly first-degree burns that encompassed more than one hundred percent of his body, since he had the misfortune of breathing in the scalding demonic hot tub water.
"Don't go to the light! It sucks so much up there!"
Zac felt something on his lips. It was scratchy. He felt air being pushed into his lungs, tasting faintly of metallic ice cream and cucumber water. His eyes fluttered open. At least his body had the presence of mind not to open them under the much-too-hot water.
His vision slowly came into focus. Nock was looming over him, performing CPR.
"Oh no," Zac whispered, his voice raspy. "There's something in my airway. You might have to loosen it with your tongue."
His vision grew clearer. Nock looked... strange.
The lion was soaking wet, dripping onto Zac's chest. The majestic, gravity-defying mane was now a sodden, heavy mess, falling down in sickly, wet clumps. The golden color of his fur seemed to be running, streaking down his chest like cheap hair dye. And his body... the sculpted perfection Zac had admired was marred. His chest and arms were covered in old, jagged scars and patches of bald skin where the fur refused to grow. He looked smaller. Vulnerable. Broken.
Nock locked eyes with Zac.
Oh, hello, Zac thought, his heart doing a strange little flip. Are you really a scrappy white lion who's been fighting to create your own pride?
He brought his hand up to Nock's muzzle. He traced a spot where part of Nock's upper lip was missing, exposing his large fangs to the world in a permanent snarl. Zac couldn't help himself. The lion Adonis aesthetic was great, it truly was ten-out-of-ten perfection, but right now, Nock looked so fucking ferocious. Dangerous. Like a beast who had fought off an entire pack of wildebeest and lived to see another day. Not a picture-perfect statue, but a real beast. A creature who took what it wanted, ate what it wanted, fucked what it wanted, and didn't care who watched or complained.
"I thought you were Mufasa," Zac whispered, tracing a scar that ran down Nock's cheek. "But are you really Scar?"
Nock blinked. "Scar?"
He brought a trembling paw up to his face, feeling the wet, matted fur, the exposed skin, the jagged edges of his own history. His golden eyes went wide with dawning horror.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Don't look at me!" Nock leaped off Zac as if he'd been scalded. "DONT LOOK AT ME! It's not what you think! It's an optical illusion! A… a… a mirage from the steam! AHHHHHHHHH!"
Nock stumbled backward, his paws slipping on the wet tile, and fell straight back into the boiling hot tub with a massive splash.
Zac sat up, hacking and coughing, and promptly vomited a quart of hot pool water onto the pristine marble floor.
"NO! I JUST SCRUBBED THE DECK!" Private Ami yelled from somewhere in the mist. "FILTHY HUMAN!"
Zac totally ignored the bird demon. He scrambled on his hands and knees to the edge of the pool where Nock was floundering. More and more golden hair dye was seeping into the water, creating a swirling, metallic cloud around the lion. He looked like a true laconic lion demon now, scraggy, scarred, and desperate, clawing at the slick marble edge.
"Avert your eyes, pure Zachary!" Nock wailed, trying to shuffle down the edge of the pool to escape Zac's wide-eyed stare. "This... this is just a dream!"
"Sir Nock!" Zac yelled. He threw his hands on top of Nock's massive, wet paws, pinning them to the edge.
"Avatar, don't help me!" Nock cried, trying to pull away.
Zac gripped the paws even harder, looking down at the panicked lion with intense determination. "LONG LIVE THE KING!"
"NOOOOOOOO!" Nock cried as the human heaved backward, pulling the sodden, dye-streaked lion out of the pool and onto the deck.
Nock lay dripping in his speedo on the tiled floor next to Zac, whimpering and trying to cover himself with his large, scarred paws. "You weren't supposed to see me like this," he sniffled. "This... this isn't me."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SEXY BEAST!"
Zac's yell echoed around the caldarium like a gunshot.
Nock sniffled again, looking up with wide, teary eyes. "You don't need to lie to me to make me feel better. I'm hideous. I'm... a monster."
"FUCK YEAH YOU'RE A MONSTER! A FUCKING HOT ONE!"
Nock looked down and away, his ears flattening. "Of course you think I'm ugly. I am just a disgusting demon, not worthy of such a radiant and pure vessel such as you."
"I SAID SHUT UP AND SHOW ME THAT LION DICK!"
"I'll leave," Nock bubbled, beginning to slink away toward the changing room on all fours. "You don't have to ask me twice. I will give up my spot in the dream rotation. A dirty plague-haver such as myself should have never held out hope for-"
Zac tackled him.
"Is all the blond hair dye frying your brain?!" Zac screamed, grabbing the lion by his scruffy, ill-kempt mane. He tried to shake the much stronger demon, but only ended up with a few handfuls of wet, dyed fur. "I already said you could plague the shit out of me! Poz me up, you dumbass! This dirty, devil-may-care, carnivore bad boy look is making me so fucking wet!"
Nock looked at Zac, blinking slowly. "I am sorry for dripping my revolting wetness on you."
"AHHHHHHH!" Zac screamed directly in Nock's face. "Get your fucking condom on right now! How dare you hold out on me like this?! Scary slam me until I'm preggo!"
Nock tilted his head, confusion warring with hope in his golden eyes. "Oh. Uhm."
"Fuck me fuck me fuck me," Zac chanted, practically vibrating. "You're scary hot. Holy shit, I didn't even realize that was missing from the demon harem."
"I uh, um, wait." Nock blinked. "Really?"
"Does it look like I'm joking?" Zac demanded, looking down at his naked self.
Nock looked down. And blushed. Hard. Zac was, indeed, not lying.
"Oh Zachary, my pure lamb," Nock sobbed, pulling the avatar into a bone-crushing hug. "You really are sent from above, aren't you?"
"Only one floor above, not two!" Zac wheezed, his ribs groaning under the pressure.
Nock gently let Zac go, patting him on the head with a massive paw. "Of course. Above as in Earth. Heaven could never create someone as perfect as you are, Avatar."
Zac tried to catch his breath and assess the structural integrity of his ribcage at the same time. "So does that mean you'll get your rubber so we can bang before I go to the demon pharmacy to get a prescription for plague prophylaxis?"
Nock looked down again, his expression tragic. "That may have worked in the dream, but... if I entered your fragile body, my demonic magic would not be held by a mere latex or sheepskin."
"Then put two on!" Zac cried, desperate. "Stop making excuses! I'm literally going to die of blue balls!"
"Don't you dare die on me!" Nock said dramatically. The zombie-ish, dye-streaked lion man swept Zac up in his arms, holding him tight against his scarred and battle-torn chest. "I will find something! Something that can contain this demonic curse! A barrier so pure and strong that even my copious and virile and viral seed poses no harm to you!"
Zac hugged Nock's neck, nuzzling into the wet fur. "You had me at copious."
A squawk of confusion echoed from the other end of the pool.
"What the fuck is going on with them?" Halphas asked as he emerged wearing his towel toga, staring at the scene with wide eyes.
"Don't know," Andras replied, floating on his back in the water, his head still dry as a bone. "Don't care."
Halphas shrugged and shouted, "no defiling the Avatar!"
Neither Zac nor Nock heard the eagles shout, they were lost in their own discussions on what might be a good candidate for the most powerful rubber ever conceived.