He followed the sign, stepping into an alcove where the wall-mounted torches seemed to be magically dimmed, casting a soft, sleepy glow over the area. He rubbed his eyes as he looked across what were apparently three very distinct options for sleeping.
The first 'bed' was exactly what he expected at this point: a massive, towering pile of solid gold coins, chalices, and jeweled crowns. It looked incredibly expensive and incredibly uncomfortable.
The second bed was... concerning. It was an oversized, adult-scaled wooden crib, complete with high wooden slats, a pastel-colored mobile of spinning demons hanging overhead, and a disconcertingly thick, crinkly mattress pad. Zac shuddered and immediately looked away.
The third bed, however, was a beacon of hope. It was a normal, human-sized bed with a thick, fluffy comforter, a mountain of plush pillows, and crisp, clean sheets.
Zac shrugged. "Let's just cut to the chase."
He skipped over the gold pile, gave the weird adult crib a wide berth, and threw himself face-first onto the third bed.
"Ahhh, just right," he sighed, nuzzling deeper into the warm, incredibly comfortable blankets and letting the sleepy darkness of the cave take over.
But, as soon as Zac's eyes closed, he heard heavy movement echoing from deeper within the cave. Thump. Thump. Thump.
Zac quickly pulled the fluffy comforter up over his head, curling into a tight ball. Scary monsters can never find me here, he thought, employing the universal childhood defense mechanism against the dark.
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed," a deep, growling voice rumbled, vibrating through the mattress. "And he's still here."
With a violent whoosh, the blanket was torn away, leaving Zac exposed on the sheets in his leopard-print sundress.
Zac let out a high-pitched shriek of fear, crossing his arms over his chest as the torches in the cave suddenly flared to full brightness.
He blinked against the sudden light, rubbing his eyes before slowly looking up.
There were three Bunes standing at the foot of the bed. Not three heads on one body... three entirely separate dragon-men, each distinct and towering over the mattress.
The first Bune, the one with the features of the Left Head, was outfitted in a pristine, sharp black tuxedo, complete with a bowtie and a silver pocket watch chain. He looked every inch the refined, wealthy gentleman.
The second Bune, the Right Head, was dressed in a neatly pressed tweed suit with leather elbow patches, adjusting a pair of reading glasses on his snout. He looked like an austere, slightly disappointed university professor.
The third Bune, the Middle Head, was a walking fashion disaster of aggressive wealth. He wore a lurid purple suit coat with ridiculously frilly white lace at the shoulders and cuffs. Around his neck hung an absurd number of heavy gold chains and medallions, clinking noisily with his every breath. He looked like a grotesque caricature of a jealous, hoarding miser who had robbed a Renaissance fair.
Zac looked between the three towering, suited dragons, his pigtails drooping slightly. "Is this the part where I run away?"
"YOU WILL NEVER RUN!" the Middle Bune roared, leaning over the footboard, his heavy gold chains clattering against the wood. "YOU ARE MINE NOW!"
"As if you do not already run from every mess you make," Right said, pushing up his glasses with a scowl. Then, his voice shifted instantly into the frantic, high-pitched tone of a deeply concerned babysitter. "Where did you even go? We've been looking for you everywhere! The keep is under double lockdown now, and the Captain has been pulling his fur out in worry!"
Left gracefully took a seat on the edge of the bed next to Zac, resting a hand on his knee and holding the other out hesitantly. "Are you okay, Zachary?"
Zac nodded dumbly. His brain was struggling to decipher the logistics of the situation. Were there three separate dragons, or was this one dragon with three distinct personalities operating on a split-screen dream server? Having them all talking at him at once was a bit tricky.
"TELL ME WHERE YOUR PHYSICAL BODY RESTS AND I WILL COME AND CONSUME YOU!" Middle bellowed, spit flying as he licked his chops. "WITH FAVA BEANS! SLURP!"
"If you are in the keep and not in your room, you might be in danger!" Right wailed, pacing nervously. "The locks and warding magic are for your own good, Avatar! Remember, shark cage!"
Left waved his hands at the other two, a silent command for them to quiet down. He looked back at Zac, his golden eyes filled with genuine regret. "Zachary, the way I treated you today... I did... I am... I want to apologize for how I-"
Zac didn't let him finish. He sprang up from the bed, his golden pigtails flying, and dove directly at Left.
Left gave a high-pitched yelp, throwing his hands up to protect his face. "Ahhh! Not the penis attack again!"
"YES! I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU!" Middle roared enthusiastically, stepping forward and eagerly adjusting his crotch.
"We don't have a tactical robe to net him with this time!" Right shrieked, looking around frantically for something to throw.
But Zac didn't attack anything below the belt. Instead, he wrapped his arms fiercely around Left's neck, burying his face in the crisp lapel of the tuxedo. All the heavy, crushing emotions from his breakdown in the stables suddenly surfaced once more, washing over him in a warm, aching wave.
"I'm so sorry, Bune," Zac mumbled into the suit fabric, his voice thick. "You shouldn't have to apologize to me. I was a total sex pest."
Left blinked, his arms hovering awkwardly in the air before slowly, gently wrapping around Zac's back.
Right stopped his frantic pacing, his jaw hanging open in utter shock, his glasses sliding down his snout.
Middle let out a deep, rumbling purr, rubbing his hands over his own belly. "Yes... and I will exterminate your lust. Get in my belly."
Left hesitantly hugged Zac, his touch gentle despite his claws. "No, you are not at fault. You were right to be upset with me. I have been treating you like my own therapy device, not allowing you to have any autonomy."
"But he is so fragile!" Right cried, wringing his hands.
"BUT HE IS SO FUCKABLE!" Middle roared, lunging forward.
"BE QUIET!" Left snapped, his voice echoing with authority. "Don't you get it? When we were in the throes of our addiction, we had no autonomy. We were slaves to our desires... to the constant urges, needing to know where the next coin was coming from, feeling that sickening feeling that we needed more and more and more. We were not free. Just as we have not allowed Zachary to be free."
Right pulled out a handkerchief and blew his nose loudly. Middle growled and turned away, fidgeting with his golden necklaces, clearly uncomfortable with all the introspection.
Left turned back to look at Zac, his expression softening. "I know you have urges. It is not your fault."
Zac hugged Left again, tears falling down his face. "But I shouldn't have been such a prissy bitch about it! I didn't spend any time to get to know you, and even when I found out, I still used it against you in an argument because I was frustrated."
Left patted Zac's head soothingly. "It's more than alright. That bastard God has cursed all humans of a certain age with a similar pathological hunger. But instead of gold... you all desire to rub your naughty bits against each other."
Right nodded his head sagely. "God did not want to have to hand-make every human, so he installed a self-replication protocol."
"YES! YOU ALL WANT TO FUCK AND SPREAD YOUR TASTY SEED!" Middle said, whipping back around to gaze at Zac hungrily.
Zac wiped away a tear. "Do you really mean it? Is being a weirdo horny freak not just something I have to deal with? It's the way God made all humans?"
Left nodded and hugged Zac back. Right wailed dramatically and joined the hug, wrapping his arms around both Left and Zac.
Middle ripped his shirt off, buttons flying everywhere. "THANKFULLY! NOW LET'S GET TO THE GOOD PART!"
Zac smiled as he felt Middle's hands begin to reach under his sundress. "I'll try not to be such an asshole, Bune. I'm really sorry. It's a good thing I got to have a little talk with Leonardo. It really helped me settle some of my baggage from when I was alive."
"That's more than alright, I forgive you," Left cooed.
"Wait," Right said, pulling back slightly. "Who's Leonardo?"
Middle panted in Zac's ear, "I'm going to fuck you so hard, you're getting triple penetrated, you thirsty little thot."
Zac leaned back into Middle, his breath growing heavy as he felt the lustful dragon man's large hand begin to squeeze his ass. "Oh, you know, Leo. My turtle."
"THE ASPIDOCHELONE?!" Right and Left yelled in unison. "YOU'RE IN THE PEN WITH HIM?!"
…
Zac shuddered awake, the smell of the stable filling his nostrils.
He looked around, blinking in the dim light. Leonardo was still asleep on his lap, his massive, rocky head pinning Zac's legs to the muddy floor.
Zac groaned and scratched the turtle's head. "Leo, my legs are asleep. Get off."