"Crude," the goat King said simply, ignoring the murmurs. He adjusted the cuffs of his red suit. "Now, let me see this Avatar that I have heard so much about. Gremory was most vague about him, and so was Amdusias. Let me see what all the fuss is about."
Marchosias stood slowly, resting his weight on his cane, and cleared his throat. "I am not sure why you came yourself to inspect the Avatar, King Belial. There is not much special about Zachary. He is just another one of Ose's, um... jokes."
"Oh come on, March," Zac said, fluttering his eyelashes. "You didn't think I was a joke last night when you were holding me in your arms."
Belial raised a sharp, black eyebrow.
"Haha," Marchosias forced a painfully nervous laugh, his knuckles white on the cane. "Isn't he a funny one? You know I'm not one for physical relations."
"HEY!" Skarg yelled, jumping to his feet. "The Avatar is mine! How dare you fuck him before me?!"
"Hell yeah, Boss!" Halphas squawked, giving a thumbs-up. "You finally did the sex!"
"Oh, pure Zachary," Nock whispered, pulling the wilted rose from his fedora and clutching it to his chest. "They grow up so fast."
Marchosias closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, looking like he wished the floor would open up and swallow him.
Zac grinned, leaning into the chaos. "Oh, it was so crazy you guys. His knot was massive."
"MY WHAT?!" Marchosias barked, his eyes snapping open.
"I'll kill you!" the beautiful, fiery Skarg bellowed, slamming a fist into his palm. "I called dibs! You didn't even want us fucking him, you traitorous cunt!"
"Did he use lube?" Nock asked, looking genuinely concerned. "He is so out of practice. I hope he remembered."
"The dog probably used holy water," Andras drawled, rolling his eyes and lighting a cigarillo. "He likes it when his flesh burns off."
"NO!" Bune pushed himself up from the ground. His Left, Right, and Middle head, which just popped out again with a sickening tear, shrieked in synchronized panic. "WHAT DID YOU DO?! AHHHHH!"
Marchosias put his face in his hands.
Skarg jumped onto the table, sending plates flying, and launched himself at Zac. "I call sloppy seconds!"
Halphas spread his wings and dove across the room. "I'm second in command! Read the handbook, you herbivore!"
Nock jumped up, drawing his sword. "I will protect you, unpure Zachary!"
"HE IS MINE!" Bune's Left and Right heads screamed, desperately trying to hold back the Middle Head, which was snapping its jaws, trying to bite Zac.
Yoink.
Zac sank into the floor, the shadows swallowing him whole. He reappeared a second later, popping up next to Andras, who was still sitting calmly at the far end of the long table.
"You are all idiots," Andras said, blowing a smoke ring.
Skarg, Halphas, Nock, and all three of Bune's heads collided in mid-air, landing directly on top of the groaning, exhausted Marchosias in a massive, brawling pile.
Marchosias roared. His angelic wings popped out in a blinding flash of silver light, sending the others flying back. He staggered to his feet, panting, his face red with a mix of fury and intense embarrassment.
"You absolute morons!" March howled, trying to shake Skarg's fiery tail off his leg. "How dare you! If I actually mated with him, we would still be locked together and... I mean... if I... I... IT WAS A DREAM!"
"Enough," Belial whispered. The word wasn't loud, but it carried the weight of a collapsing star.
The room went instantly, terrifyingly quiet.
Belial held his hand up, looking at Marchosias with an expression that bordered on genuine pity. He turned his rectangular pupils toward Zac.
Zac felt an invisible, crushing force wrap around his throat and waist. He was physically yanked off the floor, choking and sputtering as he was dragged through the air until he hovered directly in front of the demonic King.
Belial twirled his gloved hand. Zac spun helplessly in mid-air, arms and legs flailing. He felt like he was being examined in a video game character creation menu, rotated by an invisible, judgmental cursor.
"If you're gonna force-choke me," Zac wheezed, his face turning red, "are you gonna tell me you're secretly my daddy?"
Belial's eyes flashed with a cold, dark light. He raised his hand higher, and Zac was violently pulled upward, his arms and legs spread wide in a spread-eagle suspension.
Zac's joints popped as his limbs were stretched just a bit further than he thought they could comfortably go. Haha, I'm in trouble, he thought with a morbid, sudden realization.
"Wait, Your Majesty!" Marchosias took a step forward, holding up a hand before quickly pulling it back and looking down at the floor. "Just... remember this is Ose's Avatar. He has a... way with words."
Belial eyed Marchosias, his gaze unreadable. "If this human is truly that degenerate leopard's chosen, why do you need to dress him in such a pathetic disguise?"
"Hey, the disguise is high thread count," Zac groaned from the ceiling.
Marchosias tried not to look at Zac, but his amber eyes kept darting up to the suspended, leopard-print human. "He, uh... looks like Ose on the inside?" It sounded much more like a panicked question than a statement.
"When did you learn how to lie, Marchosias?" Belial asked softly.
"I... uh..." Marchosias looked at Belial, then quickly looked down again, swallowing hard.
"If you do not tell me what is going on," Belial said, his voice a smooth, dangerous purr, "then you will be punished."
"You got me," Zac struggled to say, the invisible grip tightening around his chest. "I'm a... I'm a..."
Belial looked up, his expression hardening. "Spit it out, human."
"He is an idiot and is sorry for insulting you!" Marchosias barked, dropping to one knee. "I will take his punishment!"
"I'm... I'm... I'm..." Zac sputtered, his vision swimming. "I'm a virgin!"