First, let me clarify, I have no suicidal tendencies whatsoever.
Hmm, I just don't know what I'm living for.
The reason for this actually started with me thinking this book wasn't well-written, and then discussing the reasons with a friend.
I feel like it might be because the protagonist doesn't have any clear goals.
The starting point for the protagonist in this book is neither high nor low; he's not an invincible pleasure-seeker, but he's rich and powerful, so it seems like the protagonist has no motivation to move forward, always just drifting along. If someone attacks him, he retaliates; if no one attacks him, he just develops casually.
Originally, before starting the book, I actually thought the protagonist's goal was to develop and expand his company -> become a king and develop his country -> control dimensions and develop interstellar forces (roughly).
But when I actually started writing, I found that the path could be taken this way, but the protagonist himself didn't seem to have any motivation.
Looking back, it seems the last book was also like this. At first, the protagonist just wanted to survive, then he was pushed by circumstances to become the Water Kage, and then only because he became the Water Kage did he think about developing the Hidden Mist Village well.
Later, I realized that I myself seem to be a person without goals, not knowing what I want to live for.
When I'm at work, I just work hard, and when I write novels, I just make do.
I originally said I resigned to relax a bit, but in reality, I don't know what I want to do.
Every day I wake up and just type, writing haphazardly, and then I go to sleep once I've written ten thousand words.
It seems I don't have any hobbies that make me happy.
Playing games? It seems I don't particularly want to play right now; I just do quests, which is no different from working.
Traveling? It seems I don't particularly want to go. I used to travel frequently for work, but I never said I wanted to see the scenery or anything. I always feel that instead of making an effort to travel, it's better to watch travel videos taken by others on the computer.
Working hard to make money? It seems I have no motivation; I won't starve to death anytime soon, and there's nothing I particularly want.
And if I'm just making money to live, it seems there's no need to live.
It seems living is neither fun nor motivating.
Is it just because I still have elders in my family, and they might be sad if I die?
Or am I simply afraid of death, so I just keep living...?
Perhaps it's because I'm not married and don't have children?
But thinking about it, that kind of life, suffering for family and children, also seems quite meaningless to me. Why bother?
Perhaps most people are like this?
But since there's nothing I want, and living isn't very happy, and there are no life ideals to strive for...
Then what's the difference between dying today and dying decades from now?
Perhaps dying of old age decades later means suffering for decades longer...
Sometimes I think, why not just have an accident, like getting hit by a car when I go out?
That way, I wouldn't be intentionally seeking death, my death wouldn't be my fault, I wouldn't have any psychological burden, and I wouldn't have to be afraid.
After all, it would be an unexpected, sudden situation.
But it seems I don't go out much now, so the chance of an accident is much lower.
And what if I don't die, and end up with a disability or something? Wouldn't life be even harder?
I don't know who to talk to about these things; it feels like I can't open up to my family and friends around me.
And I feel like I'm being too sentimental, so I might as well just talk to you all.
Let's talk about what people live for? Or what kind of goal should be set for the protagonist in a novel? I don't know...
Hmm, I'm not asking for leave. I'm still planning to continue typing later; I don't know what else to do anyway.
But since I've already posted a single chapter, let's not make it all nonsense.
Let's put some practical stuff here.
Protagonist's current item summary (if there are any errors or omissions, please remind me, and I'll correct them)
Pencil Missile
Enhanced Leg Strength Shoes
Dominator Pistol
Little Monkey Bomb (missing one hex crystal)
hex core (already consumed)
Sweet Captivity
White
Tracking Glasses
Tuxedo
Advanced Turret
Haro
Transformation Watch
Anesthetic Watch
Voice-Changing Bow
Solar Skateboard
Boxer Mech
Dehydration Pistol
pterodactyl drone
Oracle Prosthetic Eye
Self-made 'Erha Mech'
'Haro'
'Auxiliary Mech'
'Muscle Enhancement Armor'
All of Conan's gadgets
Hakimi
Not yet obtained: Three-Dimensional Puzzle Hammer
Not yet synthesized: Transforming Spaceship
Little Broken Watch
Mind Stone, Mind Stone
Pal Sphere