Alister
December of 2025 in Scotland
Nicolas watches me as he simply let's go of everything mentally. As if he never lost Genna. As if he had no care in the world. He sits on the sofa with a cider in hand as if it never left. The television on with a sloppy romance film plays. He had made me a promise, that since we've been dating for 3 years that he'd take me out tonight. Since he does love me even if he is slightly confused.
I'd love to think that he'd move when I walk in and he does but he always has the same look, his face unchanging in a small smile and his eyes slightly dimmer every time I investigate them. It's painful. As if he is still trapped in his grandfather's clutches. I hope he can move on soon even if he is slightly lost. I see his brain going onto autopilot as he smiles turning the Television off and his smile fades slightly.
"What's wrong? Dreadful day at Uni? The students giving you a hard time" he fusses as he walks over to me and takes my head in his hands "you should think about it, make them think you're mean when you're not and when you're nice they'd think they struck it rich that day"
"You say that about giving your best and I want to be one of the nice teachers please, is that Jo Malone I smell?" I ask my voice slightly accusing.
"Life three-sixty told me you left work and I just finished running you a bath" I grin and kiss him, his slight furrow of his brow relaxed and I wink.
"Thank you, my love" I say heading for my bath.
I leave the door unlocked in case Nicolas wanted to talk to me, and I have struck it rich today since he walks in with a pout on his face and called from the door. "Al, I have got no idea what to wear tonight"
"I'll help after my bath" I say a smiling at him, and I watch as he walks up to me and sits on the edge of the bath facing me.
"Okay, Damn I feel like I'm in high school again"
"Really?"
"Yes, all the worrying about looks and everything" he pauses before whispering "I never asked your age"
I laugh "a year older than you, 23"
"I see, you know how my stories were true"
"Yes"
"I was 10 when this all happened; it ended when I was sixteen and the situations that came never stopped. I had to do stuff about it, I am so sorry, this is supposed to be a pleasant thing, and I messed it up, I am so sorry Al"
"It's fine, I'm glad you feel like you can talk to me about it" I say smiling as there is nothing better to say, this is a grim conversation. I watch Nicolas as he smiles and then my phone rings, perfect timing...NOT. I watch as he gingerly picks it up and he reads the name his face darkens before he hands it to me. I don't look, I just switch it off and hands it back to him. He smiles at me, and he puts it on the table before he can say anything, I quickly say "It was probably nothing, whoever it was, don't worry"
"Al... I'm going to go get ready"
"You have no idea what to wear" he laughs before I say "wear what you wore to the Halloween party"
"That was just my normal...oh"
"Off your pop, get ready, or I'll be ready before you" as I watch as he leaves and shuts the door behind him and the opening of draws welcomed me in an odd way, he was trying. His best, as if the whole thoughts of his grandfather and everything else is the least of the problems since to him I'm the main thing he wants to fuss over, it's nice. I love it, I love him and even his little quirks and tail, God how I love that tail, even though I won't say it. I think we're due to see his father soon, I want him to meet my father, and mother.
I soak in the bath as I ponder over what we should do when we can retire from all of this. I want him to manage to cope with life again, we've had our moments, a few of them to be true though as I get out of the bath and change, seeing him in the same clothes that he asked me out in, fills me with hope, new and raw, uncontained hope.
He takes my hand and takes me to a taxi, since when did we get taxis? The taxi driver stays silent as we make our way to Malmaison in Perth. It was odd as is we moved from America, New York to Scotland in Perth.
Nicolas watches me pain in his eyes visible, please let me have this.
You're the one that is keeping this up, please let me hold on, my love, what are we thinking?
"Nicolas"
"Alister"
"Your father. He doesn't like me much does he?"
"He likes you fine, he just doesn't know what he is doing as a father or as someone who has family" he pauses "please give him time just like you did with me"
With that nothing could change Nicolas' mind. I watch him as he opens the window and looks outside. "Are you sure you want to do this dinner thing? We don't have to, you know that right?"
"I know it's my choice; Nicolas please stop thinking like that it's bad for your mental health, please make sure you're looking after yourself."
As we near the place Nicolas grows restless, does he not want this? As we leave the taxi he quickly and silently pays and heads towards the restaurant. If anything could be worse it would be Nicolas ignoring and leaving me as if I meant nothing, since I managed to get the bottle out of his hand, he has been trying his best and it's been tearing me apart when he pushes me away it hurts.
He is jittery, love what are you trying to tell me?
He stops at the door, opens it and holds it open for me. I enter as I normally would and I stop finding my family sitting at a table with two spare seats, I look at Nicolas and he only nods as I sit down beside my mother and he sits beside father.
I take Nicolas' hand under the table as father quiets the table. "I wanted to say thank you to Mr..." Nicolas smiles and silently laughs.
"Just Nicolas" he whispers to my father.
"Nicolas, for inviting us out here to celebrate his and Alister's three-year anniversary of only dating" he laughs "we take a toast for them to stay like that until they both die"
Nicolas mouths 'that's grim' before smiling at my father as if he had given a massive gift and then I realise there is another spare seat, "Who else have you invited?" his face goes grim.
"My own father, he won't come I-" with that the demon walks right in, and I hold back a laugh.
As if it couldn't have been odder. As his boyfriend I should be very understanding and loving towards this situation, though all I want to do is take this piss out of him. Though it is silly I want to do it. I want to make fun of him like there is no tomorrow, he has invited everyone I care about and the man he wants to see as his father though it's hard for him to do so. If there is something he could do to change this, would he?
Would he trade me for the sake of his family, I don't know or want to know.
"Nicolas, can I speak to you, alone for a minute? I know there is something I'd like to talk about. Not here too public."
Nicolas follows me out and into the hallway "You don't like this do you?" I ask coldly. He nods slowly before I suddenly laugh, "of course, you done this since you thought I'd like it, am I right?"
I watch as he glares at me before he says, "of course you find this funny."
There is nothing else to say except that there is one thing that Nicolas hates more than. Cats, he hates cats.
Though as if there is nothing else to say, he gazes up to me and smiles "Alister" he whispers, "You think you can win without me? By your side, making all the hard choices and making sure that everything is set?"
"Nicolas, you'd think I bully you with the way you're acting." though it is entertaining to watch on my part.
Nicolas frowns and opens the door, the father he wants to care for is busy chatting with father and he closes the door, he watches me as I lean against the wall and watch him. He doesn't move or breathe.
There was one thing he hated more than waiting and it was being watched as if there was needed to say and no one saying it.
I smirk as he slowly walks to me and whispers in my ear "What are you trying to say Alister?"
"That you are being a little prick and trying to be very...like a gentleman and I don't want you to act like that, you're too good at acting."
Then without me saying anything to make him seem like there was something wrong he exhales "you caught me, Alister, you're so good at doing that."
As if I couldn't be hurt more he says "Alister, if there was one thing I could be what would it be?"
"Kind" I say my voice faltering for a moment.
His eyes turn cold and glares into my heart, I am leaving it bare, aren't I?
Without skipping a beat he says "Alister, I have done so much and you're asking me to stop? I haven't the faintest idea how to, my love, please make something that I can do in this lifetime"
"It is, you're kind enough to me, aren't you? Do you think that I am not loosing my mind watching you bully those higher than you and treating the ones below you like treasures, it's sick, the ones higher than you will bring you downfall"
"So this is what it's about?"
He sighs "We're celebrating with family, and you dare lecture me?"
I wait for a beat and then I whisper "I only want what is best for you, now, fix yourself right up and move on"
"Move on? I lost my child. Jenna, remember her? Your little Jenny? Our child? Caidee's child...we lost her, Al, there is nothing we can do about that, why can't I be mad? Why can't I hate"
This is taking the wrong turn "Neeks" I stage whisper, that gains his attention. "Listen, we're almost through, Caidee is still getting used to Jenna, she said we could babysit in about a month and she would be fine with it, hopefully by then."
Nicolas won't calm down, it's driving me insane.
"You don't listen, you never do-"
"I do listen you never fucking talk"
"Well that's a start" he mutters, his tail untucking from his trousers flicking about, he's clearly upset. Though I can't do anything, I feel powerless and weak.
Nicolas turns to face me, "It's fine" he whispers taking my hand. I squeeze it before pecking his cheek.
"Breathe, it's over"
"Al, I messed up"
"How?"
"Tonight was meant to be more than a celebration"
"How come?" my heart is beating rapidly, unsure of what he is trying to communicate.
"I was going to ask you to-" then his father opens the hallway door steps out and freezes at the sight of Nicolas' head on my shoulder and his tail firmly locked around my wrist-wait, when did that happen?-and me with my arms around Nicolas' waist.
"Damn, never thought you'd be like this in a hallway"
"Father!" Nicolas whines, as if there was nothing amiss.
"Neeks, calm, hello sir" I smile like an innocent teen who was caught smoking or sneaking out with a lover.
"Ah, you're Alister! Nico have you-"
"SHUT UP" Nicolas yelps. "Get lost"
"I need a pee"
"GET LOST"
"I really need a pee"
"let him pee dude"
As if he'd listen to me, he shakes his head, humourless.
The actions he made was very subtle, very unlike him and he leaves quickly and he waits until there is no one around, thinking I never followed him.
I watch as he takes out a little square box with a single ring in it and then it dawned on me, he was planning to propose to me.
I walk up behind him and I say calmly "You were planning this?"
"EK"
There was a little silence before he nods.
He clears his throat before I say "Yeah, I'll marry you" with that Nicolas relaxes and smiles.
"Great thank you, so, so much"