CHAPTER 19
I did some markings on a tree and started throwing the knives. One after the other. The sound of metal slicing through air became the only thing grounding me.
Thud.
Bullseye.
Again.
Thud.
Bullseye.
Again. Harder this time. Like I was trying to bury something inside that tree.
Hours passed… or maybe minutes. I couldn't tell anymore. My arm was starting to ache but I didn't stop. Pain felt deserved.
Then I heard footsteps behind me.
Slow. Careful. Familiar.
I didn't turn.
My fingers tightened around the handle of the next blade. I was ready to strike—ready to remind whoever it was that I wasn't someone to sneak up on.
"...you know you could have just woken me up and we could have spoken about it."
Lupita.
Of course it was her.
The only one who could walk into my storm and not get cut.
The tension in my shoulders dropped just a little. Not enough to relax… just enough to breathe.
She came closer, gently taking the knives from my hands like I was a child holding something too dangerous for herself. I didn't fight her. I never fought her.
She led me to a fallen tree nearby. We sat. Silence wrapped around us like it always did when she knew I was breaking but didn't want to say it out loud.
"I understand you, Brandi…" she said softly.
Her voice always had that effect. Like it didn't force its way in… it just arrived.
"You're doing this for your son… but also try seeing things from Kora's point of view. She's just scared… scared she might get tangled in our mess and end up in prison again."
Her face was calm. Too calm. Like she had already thought this through from every angle.
I let out a bitter breath.
"Tangled in our mess… or in my mess, huh?"
Because we both knew the truth.
This didn't start with them.
It started with me.
Lupita didn't rush to answer. She never did.
"It's our fault…" she said finally, "but do you know why she said that?"
I didn't respond.
"Because she cares about you."
I scoffed lightly, but it didn't carry weight.
"Kora thinks you're the strongest one of us… emotionally. We all do."
That made something inside me snap.
Strong.
That word again.
I laughed… but there was no humor in it.
"That's the problem…" I said, my voice cracking before I could stop it.
"Everyone thinks I'm made of steel…"
My chest tightened.
"But I'm not."
Silence. Heavy this time.
"I wake up every single day…" I continued, my voice dropping, "…and I put on a smile for my son."
My hands trembled. I hated that she could see it.
"I pretend everything is okay… just to get him through the day."
My throat burned.
"Do you even understand how hard that is?"
The words came out sharper now. Raw. Unfiltered.
"I sit there… laughing with him… helping him with homework… watching him sleep…"
My voice broke.
"…and all I can think about is that one day—one day—my sins are going to catch up to him."
That was the fear.
Not prison.
Not death.
Him.
"I'm human, Lupita…"
My hands covered my face.
"I bleed… I feel… I break…"
And then I did.
I cried. Not quietly. Not gracefully.
It was ugly. Loud. Real.
The kind of crying that comes from deep inside your bones.
"Let it out…" she whispered. "I'm not going to stop you."
And she didn't.
She just sat there, holding me together while I fell apart.
We stayed there for what felt like forever.
When we finally got up, the night had already swallowed the forest whole.
The drive back home was silent. Not awkward… just heavy.
I didn't say a word when we got in. I didn't have the strength to.
I went straight to bed.
Jordan wasn't there.
School.
At least something in his life was still normal.
The next week?
Cold.
Kora and I barely spoke.
Not even arguments.
Just distance.
The kind that slowly stretches until it becomes something else entirely.
The others noticed. Of course they did.
And just like that…
A "family meeting" was called.
We were all seated.
I sat with my legs crossed, arms folded—already irritated.
Indira cleared her throat.
"I know it's not really a thing in this house to call meetings…"
No one spoke.
"But it's also not a thing for sisters to turn against each other over something this small."
Her eyes moved between me and Kora.
"We fight for each other. Not with each other."
Silence again.
"So please… squash this."
I leaned back slightly.
"If we're doing this…" I said calmly, "…then when we're talking about serious matters…"
My eyes shifted to Kora.
"…she should never involve my son."
That was the line.
"Other than that… I'm cool."
Kora stood up and walked over.
Everyone watched her like she was about to throw hands.
Instead—
"I'll forgive and forget…" she said, folding her arms.
Pause.
"…if she cooks dinner."
For a second—no one reacted.
Then I let out a breath.
A small smile broke through.
"Are you serious right now?"
She didn't answer. She just hugged me.
And I hugged her back.
Just like that.
Like nothing happened.
That's how we were.
Explosive… then normal.
I cooked.
We ate.
Laughed.
Like a real family.
Like nothing in our lives was broken.
Later that night, I was putting Jordan to sleep when Marissa walked in.
"Can we talk for a second?"
Something in her tone made my stomach tighten.
I pointed to the sofa near the window.
We sat.
Then she asked—
"Brandi… do you still remember your father?"
The question hit me out of nowhere.
I froze.
My father?
There was nothing to remember.
He was never there long enough to become a memory.
I shook my head slowly.
"Did you have any siblings?"
Now that made me frown.
"No… I was Mama's only child."
I looked at her properly now.
"Is anything wrong?"
She inhaled deeply.
Too deeply.
Then exhaled like she was about to change something forever.
"You have a sister."
Silence.
"A blood sister, Brandi."
I laughed.
Hard.
Too hard.
My ribs actually hurt.
"Stop playing…"
But she didn't laugh.
She didn't even smile.
That's when the laughter died in my throat.
"Oh…"
I swallowed.
"…you're serious?"
"Her name is Violet Knowles."
The name echoed in my head.
"Three years younger than you."
My heart started beating faster.
"And she's in Singapore."
Of course she is.
Of course she's here.
Right where I am.
I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.
"Why are you telling me this?"
My voice was quieter now.
Not defensive.
Just… uncertain.
"I thought you deserved to know."
She stood up, like she hadn't just flipped my world upside down.
"I emailed you her picture and details."
She paused.
"Goodnight."
And just like that… she left.
My throat tightened.
I pressed my lips together, hard.
Because if I didn't—
Everything inside me was going to spill out.
And I didn't even know what I was feeling yet.