Part II: Her Voice
My name is Lily Dunkings. My best friend is Lea, and I love her more than she knows—her innocence, her kindness, the way she sees the world.
But today? I am not okay.
And yes… It's because of Beau.
Love is complicated. No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, my first love is still Beau. I said it. And I hate that it's true.
Let me take you back.
I was just a regular middle school girl, loud, full of life, always laughing. I liked sincere people. I still do.
And then there was this shy boy. The moment he walked into school, I noticed him. Calm. Respectful. Quiet in a way that made you want to protect him.
One day in gym class, he flipped his hair back to wipe the sweat from his face. I saw his eyes clearly for the first time.
That was it.
He once got in trouble for something he didn't even do, because he was too scared to defend himself. I stepped in. I got angry for him. I grabbed his hand and walked him out of there.
That was the beginning.
We walked home together that day. I talked. He listened. But slowly, he started talking too. He became my best friend. And I became his safe place.
He would come to me whenever something went wrong. I gave him advice. I pushed him to speak up. To stand straight. To be seen.
One day, we were supposed to see a movie, and he showed up in gym sweatpants.
I looked at him and said, "Absolutely not. We're going shopping."
We laughed so much that day. We picked up new clothes. Then we changed his haircut. When I saw the final result, I swear… I fell even harder.
But that was also the beginning of losing him.
Other people noticed him now. Boys wanted to be around him. Girls started staring. He was no longer just my quiet Beau.
He was becoming public.
And I was becoming invisible.
I knew I had to confess before someone else took him from me.
That day after school, I could barely breathe. My hands were shaking.
"I like you," I said.
His eyes lit up. "Are you serious?"
"Yes."
He smiled, put his hand on my head, and said, "Let's go out tomorrow. Our usual cheeseburger spot."
I thought that meant yes.
He never showed up.
I waited.
I texted.
Nothing.
The next day, I went looking for him, and that's when I heard it.
His friends were hyping him up.
"You're in the popular circle now. Handsome, confident. Any girl would want you."
Beau laughed. "Of course, we'll go out again. This is the life I wanted."
Then someone asked, "What about Lily? Didn't you have something?"
And Beau said—
"What? No. She's just a friend. I would never consider her like that. She's nothing compared to the new girls."
Nothing.
That word echoed in my head for days.
I didn't recognize him anymore.
I don't know if what I felt was hatred… or just disappointment. Maybe both.
From that day on, I watched him become someone else. Jumping from girl to girl. Acting like he was untouchable. Like feelings were trophies.
But sometimes…
When he's alone… I still see it.
The old him.
The quiet boy who needed someone to speak for him.
I still keep the cat keychain that he gave me as a friendship gift.
And that's the hardest part.
Because even after everything, a part of me still wants to hold him. But I can't.
Not anymore.
If I don't let him go, I'll keep losing myself instead.