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Da-da-da-da~~
"Welcome to today's Stardew Valley Express! Recently, the catastrophic damage to the Stardew Valley Farm caused by Miss Ishin Shion's power rampage has been completely cleared and neutralized today. The farm owner, Mr. Leo, formally stated in an exclusive interview that the destruction caused by Miss Shion was carried out entirely under his own explicit instruction and permission, and he was fully mentally and financially prepared for the temporary damage to the farm's infrastructure." "Please do not harbor negative emotions or discriminate against Miss Shion when you see her; destruction is merely the necessary catalyst for a better, wealthier future!"
"Starting today, the farm has officially replanted massive new fields of high-yield crops, and it will only take 7 days of magical growth to fully restore the supply of premium agricultural products to our markets."
"Furthermore, because the falling meteorites carried a staggering, highly concentrated amount of rare minerals, the farm has now officially entered a fully modernized, semi-automated production mode. High-tech Iridium Sprinklers have completely replaced old-fashioned, exhausting manual watering, and respectfully worshipping the glowing, divine statues of the Moriya Shrine has miraculously replaced old-fashioned manual fertilization. Regarding this massive infrastructural upgrade, the legendary worker Miss Kagerou Imaizumi stated with tears of joy that 'technology truly changes the future; the sky belongs to Miss Aya, and the ground belongs to Kappa Heavy Industries.' Previously, she had to leave her warm bed for grueling physical work before 6 AM every single morning, but now she only needs to casually push a button to fill the main water tank of the new water tower every day, making the work infinitely easier."
"Farm owner Leo also stated that when the farm formally resumes its food supply next week, new, highly anticipated artisan products will be launched simultaneously on the Universal Shop app, including premium, magical flower nectar exclusively endorsed by the Great Youkai, Kazami Yuuka. Please look forward to it!"
"Meanwhile, Mr. Leo has generously commissioned this station's lead reporter to actively search all corners of Gensokyo for Miss Ishin Joon, the Goddess of Pestilence and wealth-draining. If anyone sees her or is suddenly forced to spend all their money, please notify us immediately. Thank you."
"Reported by your favorite, fastest station reporter, Aya Shameimaru!"
After a grueling, exhausting week of backbreaking labor, Leo finally finished manually clearing the last of the heavy, jagged meteorites from the farm and its surrounding forested areas. The scorched fields had been deeply tilled by Meiling, perfectly fertilized by Suwako's blessing, and entirely replanted. Once the massive new batch of Gold-star crops matured next week, the farm would finally return to normal, highly profitable operation.
Although this devastating wave of meteorites had temporarily sent Leo's bank account straight back to square one, the raw minerals they brought were astronomically substantial. All of Leo's basic iron tools had been fully upgraded to glowing, purple Iridium quality by the blacksmith, and he had crafted quite a few high-range Iridium Sprinklers using the excess ore and batteries. The farm finally looked like a proper, wealthy, late-game Stardew estate now.
"It's over! Finally free!"
Hong Meiling cheered, tossing the four squealing Flandres high into the blue air and catching them effortlessly.
A week! A whole, grueling week! She had to get up at the ungodly hour of nine every single morning to do heavy agricultural work and couldn't finish until five in the afternoon, with only a measly three-hour break at noon for lunch and a nap! Was this any way for a proud dragon Youkai to live?! She felt like she was suffering from severe, terminal sleep deprivation lately.
Everyone who had helped rebuild was currently slumped exhaustedly in the newly crafted wooden outdoor chairs on the porch. Although this tiny bit of manual physical labor wasn't even considered a light warm-up stretch for ancient Great Youkai, the work itself was simply far too tedious and repetitive.
Leo was somewhat intensely obsessive-compulsive about his farm layout; originally, the Youkai could have just efficiently scattered the thousands of seeds randomly across the dirt in seconds using wind magic, but Leo stubbornly insisted that the seed spacing be mathematically consistent, and that a single designated field must contain strictly only one type of crop for aesthetic and harvesting purposes. It was a massive, frustrating pain in the neck for beings used to chaos.
But seeing as a desperate Leo had actually climbed up onto the sloping roof of the rebuilt Farmhouse and dramatically threatened to jump off the second floor and die (respawning with a massive financial penalty) if they didn't do it exactly as he said, everyone just sighed, sucked it up, and went along with his crazy, pixel-perfect layout demands.
Heh, mortal men are so dramatic, Yukari had chuckled, sipping tea while watching him yell from the roof.
"To celebrate the farm officially resuming full production, how about we have a massive, open-air barbecue tonight? How about a whole roasted sheep?"
Leo, who was lying flat on the grass, looked over at the Fairy Swarm happily playing with the newly grown, fluffy white animals in the fenced-in fields. He suddenly sat up straight to make the drool-inducing suggestion. He hadn't eaten thick, premium red meat that squirted hot oil and juices with every single bite in a very long time. With so many healthy sheep happily grazing on the magical grass, eating just one shouldn't be a problem for the ecosystem, right? If a single rooster could easily lead a massive coop of hens, then a single, hardworking ram should absolutely be able to manage the flock if he just worked hard enough.
A Little Fairy passing by, happily carrying a fluffy baby lamb in her arms like a baby, heard Leo's terrifying words. Her cheerful expression instantly turned to pure, unadulterated horror.
She practically did a backflip, hoisting herself onto the lamb's back and sped away toward the trees, screaming at the top of her tiny lungs as she rode.
"Oh no! The Evil NPC Leo is going to kill and eat the sheep! Everyone, run for your lives!"
And then... the entire farm actively rioted.
Every single Little Fairy still playing in the sun immediately hopped onto the backs of their designated small animals and fled in sheer panic toward the Secret Forest. Those fairies who had adopted animals too small to ride simply let the tiny animals ride them instead, hoisting piglets and chicks onto their shoulders and running off as fast as their short little legs could carry them. In less than two minutes of chaotic, squealing stampeding, not a single Little Fairy or farm animal could be seen on the entire massive farm.
"Uh... never mind," Leo muttered, scratching his cheek as the dust settled. "It looks like if I want to eat fresh meat, I'll absolutely have to wait for these specific animals to naturally have offspring first. If I violently eat one of their beloved pets now, I'm genuinely afraid Cirno will come and try to freeze me to death in my sleep."
The Fairy Swarm seemed to aggressively treat these farm animals like their own precious, fragile treasures, protecting them fiercely like dragon hoarders. Every single morning without fail, they would lead their animals to the clear river water to gently wash and brush them, then feed them sweet hay carefully by hand. In the lazy afternoons, they would lean comfortably against the warm animals on the soft grass and take long naps together in the sun. Leo's casual culinary suggestion to slaughter and eat a sheep was practically murdering their hard work and adopted family!
Even Flandre, sitting on the porch, looked at Leo with puffed-out, angry cheeks, crossing her arms tightly. She had personally adopted four tiny, peeping little chicks and happily ran around the farm every single day with the golden, fluffy chicks perfectly balanced on her blonde head like living hats. She had long since developed deep, emotional feelings for them. Now that her big brother actually wanted to butcher and eat a cute animal, it was simply too much for her to accept!
"What are you looking at me like that for?" Leo rolled his eyes, defending himself against the glares. "If you're so highly principled and vegan, don't eat the delicious, protein-rich eggs the 'big brothers' lay later."
Leo crossed his arms. Humans naturally live to eat meat! Like the ancient gods of war, he never ate strictly vegetarian! And he meant that literally; a meal without meat wasn't a real meal.
"But... it's really so cute! Fluffy, soft, and it makes cute little peeping sounds!"
Flandre raised her small hands, carefully lifted the tiny yellow chick from her head, and held it gently in front of her face. She stared deeply and affectionately into the chick's tiny black bead eyes... and slowly became adorably cross-eyed trying to focus on it.
"Fine, it's very cute, and I'm the evil bad guy," Leo sighed, dramatically turning away. "Later, when I make crispy roasted chicken wings, rich, slow-stewed chicken soup, golden Colonel's fried chicken nuggets, and spicy grilled Drumsticks, absolutely don't eat any of it. I have many, many secret, delicious chicken recipes from my world here, and I won't give you a single, tiny bite when you beg."
Leo started casually listing the mouth-watering dishes, licking his lips.
Before he had even mentioned a few, the way Flandre looked at the tiny chick in her hands began to fundamentally, terrifyingly change. Her crimson gaze slowly, visibly shifted from that of a loving, doting pet owner to that of an apex predator looking at raw food ingredients, and a thick trail of drool—tears of 'sorrow' for the chicken's inevitable fate—began to leak heavily from the corner of her mouth.
"You have to eat a lot and grow up very quickly, okay little chick?" Flandre whispered. "You must grow up big and incredibly plump, and exercise a lot to build good meat texture. When you're fully grown and delicious, you'll give yourself to Flandre to eat, okay?"
Poking the chick's still tender, fluffy body testingly with a sharp fingernail, Flandre's voice was so incredibly sweet and gentle it could practically drip water, but the actual spoken content was somewhat hellish and terrifying. The chick peeped nervously.
"Leo-miao! Leo! It's finally going to rain tomorrow! Let's go get revenge!"
While they were still chatting on the porch, Chen suddenly came rushing out of the farmhouse, her twin tails swishing aggressively behind her.
Recently, to avenge the deep, humiliating trauma of being violently slapped away and knocked unconscious by the massive Legendary Fish's tail on her first day, the kitty had been working incredibly hard at fishing by the river from dawn to dusk. Her in-game fishing level had reached the absolute maximum of level ten long ago, but it simply hadn't rained these past few sunny spring days, which was the required weather condition for the boss fish to spawn. The obsessed kitty had squatted impatiently directly in front of the TV every single morning to furiously watch the weather forecast channel, just waiting for a storm to roll in so she could go get her bloody, scaly revenge.
"Ah? Sure," Leo smiled, opening his arms to expertly catch the pouncing kitty mid-air and placing her comfortably on his lap, scratching behind her ears. "We really have nothing major to do on the farm lately while the crops grow anyway. Should I invite everyone to come along to the mountain lake and cheer for you while you fight it?"
After seeing the eager kitty nod her head so incredibly fast it literally left motion-blur afterimages, Leo pulled out his phone and opened the group chat.
Leo: "Does anyone want to come up to the mountain lake and watch the kitty physically challenge the Spring Legendary Fish tomorrow in the rain? If the massive fish behaves and surrenders, we'll keep it alive in a tank after catching it. If it doesn't behave, we'll violently butcher it and stew it for dinner."
Ding.
Forever 27-Year-Old Beautiful Girl: "Sure, sounds like fun entertainment. I'll call Reimu and the others from the shrine to come along tomorrow to watch. I went to see that specific mutant fish once before through a Gap; it absolutely won't behave, it's too aggressive. With such a massive, magically dense fish, I'll call a few more people so we can all feast together. Consider the free meal returning a favor for the meteorite defense."
Leo: "Perfect. Then remember to bring some complex, premium seasonings from the Lunar Capital or the human village. I completely used up all my basic Stardew spices cooking for the bottomless Little Fairies these past few days."
Ding.
Forever 28-Year-Old Beautiful Girl: "Okay! But in the future, I'm strictly limiting you to finishing your sentences in one go, little brother! There's something deeply, fundamentally wrong with this broken smartphone interface; every single time I send a sentence in this chat, my displayed username age aggressively increases by exactly one year! It's simply cursed!"