Chapter 215 Theresa: My New Character Astrologos? Su Mu Definitely Has a Crush on Me!
Time flies, and soon, the day of the brand-new Honkai Impact 3rd version update finally arrived. Many players had pre-downloaded the update content early, waiting with bated breath for the maintenance to end. For the weary office workers and students, however, the update timing was somewhat inconvenient. Their only choice was to find various ways to slack off, with watching their favorite streamers live-stream the latest content being a top priority. After all, seeing the character archetypes personally react to the game's plot provided excellent entertainment value.
On this day, Otto was also waiting early in Magical Girl Teriri's livestream room. For a "granddaughter-con" like Otto, knowing that his granddaughter was taking the center stage in the new version's event plot naturally made him beam with joy. The moment he thought about seeing his beloved Theresa in the new story, he felt completely refreshed, and his grievances from previous days vanished instantly.
What grievances, you ask? On the day of the preview stream, Otto had seen countless bullet chats in Theresa's room joking that Su Mu was "smuggling personal goods" and using the game to confess to her. This had scared Otto out of his wits. He was vehemently opposed to Theresa and Su Mu being together. He feared that one day he wouldn't be able to resist getting into a physical brawl with that brat Su Mu!
Damn it! Can the Kaslanas do something useful? Can those two girls tie Su Mu down so he doesn't come and ruin my Theresa! Siegfried, where are you? Save me, Siegfried! Do something! I matched you with Cecilia back in the day, can't you just kidnap Su Mu back to the Kaslana house already?!
Otto grew increasingly regretful. Back then, he and Siegfried both thought Su Mu was a rare talent—excellent and ambitious. Otto had fully supported Su Mu becoming Siegfried's son-in-law. He wasn't worried about the Kaslanas seizing power; Theresa and Cecilia were best friends, and Cecilia was Siegfried's wife... the Kaslanas would only want Theresa to hold more power. So, Otto had approved Theresa helping Kiana with her romance without a second thought.
Who knew that a year later, Su Mu and Kiana would have zero progress, while the boy instead set his sights on his precious granddaughter!
Good lord! I sent Theresa to help you bag Kiana, and you want to bag Theresa instead? My old heart can't take this! Otto knew Theresa well; she was stubborn. Once she set her mind on something, eight horses couldn't pull her back. If she really fell for Su Mu, it would be too late. He had to extinguish this spark while it was still just a flame! Otto began brainstorming how to "strike the mandarin ducks" apart.
On the other side, Su Mu was naturally unaware of Otto's little schemes. He didn't even know himself that he was supposed to be "courting" Theresa. As for making so many characters as a confession to her? That was pure player headcanon. The reality was that Su Mu was simply perfectly recreating the Honkai 3rd from his previous life. But in this world, there was no legendary "Iron-Blooded Theresa Main" who claimed he entered MiHoYo just to design more Theresas. So, who else could the title of "Public Fund Fanboy" fall upon but Su Mu?
In Su Mu's view, if you followed that logic, there was a Yae Kasumi in the game too. Did that mean he wanted to arm-wrestle Kallen for Yae Sakura's affections? And the protagonists were the Trio; did that mean he liked all of them?
Early on, there were claims that "Honkai 3rd is Su Mu's confession of love to Kiana," but after seeing Final Lesson and Lament of the Fallen... players only felt the Old Thief had some personal grudge against his boss to write her so miserably! Such comments decreased, and occasionally when they surfaced, Captains would only give a helpless, bitter smile.
[Confession of love? You sure?]
[I see zero love here.]
[Which part is the confession? Himeko's final lesson? Kiana's meteorite? Mei's lament? You call this love?]
Su Mu would argue against these claims. Why wasn't it love? Though not romantic love, Su Mu felt he possessed "Grand Love"! Gen Urobuchi was a "Warrior of Love," and Su Mu felt he was the same! He truly loved the characters under his scripts! This love was absolutely not fake! If the general player base heard his inner voice, they would probably rush over to finish him off. Please, Old Thief, be a human for once!!
Su Mu scrolled through the video site while waiting for the stream to start. He and Kiana had arrived at Theresa's place an hour early. Currently, Theresa was chatting with Kiana, and both of them would occasionally glance at Su Mu with strange expressions. After being stared at several times, Su Mu raised his head: "Is there something on my face?"
Kiana nodded: "Yes, the word 'Stupid' is written in big letters on your forehead."
Su Mu: "..." Su Mu: "Kiana, coming from a pure idiot like you, I only feel like you're preparing to audition as a comedian."
Kiana immediately hugged Theresa and began listing Su Mu's crimes: "Auntie, look at him! Su Mu is a demon! Do you know that for months, I haven't had a single good night's sleep... that guy tortures me every night until I'm exhausted and drenched in sweat before he stops!"
Theresa: "??"
Su Mu covered his face: "How on earth did you describe supervising your night runs and exercise like that? You're doing it on purpose, Kiana!"
Kiana looked aggrieved: "Isn't it the truth? I'm just telling Auntie what you did to me. It's my most honest feeling!"
Theresa pushed Kiana's face away with a look of disgust: "Kiana, stay away from me. Idiocy is contagious."
Kiana widened her eyes: "Auntie! What is the relationship between you two! Teaming up to bully me! I'm pitiful enough, and you won't even comfort your niece... Waaaah, I don't want to live!!"
Theresa replied crossly: "What relationship? What do you think the relationship is?"
This question made Kiana pause. she stopped her tantrum and carefully scrutinized Theresa, then looked at Su Mu with suspicious eyes. "Actually, why is the featured character for this version Auntie again... I say, Su Mu, you wouldn't..."
Theresa felt a bit guilty under Kiana's gaze. Did she notice something? Impossible. I haven't even talked to Su Mu alone; I've been avoiding him and only talking to Kiana.
"You wouldn't have some dirt on you that Auntie's using to blackmail you, would you! Why else would you design so many suits for her? If you're being kidnapped, just blink! I'm your boss, I'll help you get even!"
Kiana's words made Theresa snap. "KI—A—NA—!!"
Theresa's anger boiled over, and her "Fist of Love" landed directly on Kiana's head. The strike from the "World's Cutest" made Kiana let out a scream like a slaughtered pig! Moments later, Kiana clutched the large bump on her forehead, tearfully shouting: "Auntie, you've changed! You're getting more and more violent! At this rate, no man will ever like you! No man likes a violent old woman!"
"Kiana, I think you're tired of living... Spare the rod and spoil the child; I see you want to ascend to heaven!"
Finished. Totally finished! Su Mu watched with a racing heart. Kiana, oh Kiana, you touched Theresa's ultimate taboo! don't you know how much damage the words 'Old Single Woman' deal to her?!
Seeing the situation escalate to where Kiana might actually be "bloodied in five steps" by Theresa's fists, Su Mu quickly called Susannah over to hold Kiana back while he restrained Theresa from behind!
"Su Mu! Let me go! I must teach this unfilial niece a lesson!!" "Who's afraid of you! I don't have a cold-blooded mean aunt like you! Susannah, don't stop me!"
Su Mu and Susannah exchanged a look, both feeling the other's helplessness. Two adults bickering like children and almost coming to blows; if word got out, it would be a massive embarrassment! After much effort, Theresa and Kiana were both panting and drenched in sweat. Susannah and Su Mu weren't doing much better, especially Susannah, who was huffing harder than the two combatants. However, fearing they might start again, neither dared to let go.
Thus, the atmosphere in the room was unspeakably awkward. All four were out of breath. The three women were flushed and sweating... being in such a room, Su Mu's nose was constantly stimulated by different scents, making him feel a bit embarrassed. Especially since, in the struggle to stop them, Su Mu and Theresa had pulled and tugged several times; Theresa's clothes were now messy, and her headband was gone.
Restraining her from behind, Su Mu could smell the fragrance from Theresa's long white hair—a mix of violet shampoo and a uniquely feminine scent. Theresa's entire body was leaning against him. As she panted, her enviable softness rose and fell. From Su Mu's angle, he realized clearly just how beautiful the "Mariana Trench" was.
Mhm. The Big Luna physique is indeed the real deal, Su Mu judged in his heart. Nietzsche once said that life doesn't lack beauty, only the eyes to find it... Su Mu felt his eyes weren't losing out by following him.
Sensing Su Mu's gaze behind her, Theresa's face, already flushed with anger, turned even redder. she could feel the heat from his body and hear his heavy breathing by her ear; his breath even brushed against the back of her neck. This made her body shiver. she tightened her legs, rubbing them together uneasily. The words at the tip of her tongue vanished, and she felt as if she had lost all strength, practically hanging off him.
An indescribable sensation surged in Theresa's heart, even though she knew he was just stopping a fight. Even so... No, wait... what am I thinking! This can't go on! If Kiana sees something, it'll be...
"L-let me go..." Theresa struggled to break free from Su Mu's embrace. For some reason, Su Mu felt that "let me go" wasn't very sincere and sounded more like a light complaint.
Kiana finally calmed down as well. Susannah, seeing the tension ease, left the office to attend to her work, though she was still worried.
"How about it? Calmed down now?" Su Mu poured water for both of them. Theresa took the cup, her blush still present. she didn't speak, only sipping the water in small mouthfuls. Kiana let out a "Hmph": "It's all your fault. If not for you, Theresa and I wouldn't have fought."
Su Mu was speechless: "How is this my fault?" Kiana made a face, stuck out her tongue, and walked toward the door. "Where are you going? The stream starts soon." "Bathroom!"
After Kiana left, only Theresa and Su Mu remained. The atmosphere turned strange. Su Mu was sensitive to shifts in mood, but even he was baffled. It was strange, but felt more like... awkwardness? He watched Theresa drink; when their eyes met, she quickly looked away. Su Mu thought she was just embarrassed at having her childish side seen. But when he looked away, she looked back at him. When he turned back, she looked away again. This happened several times. What is wrong with Theresa today?
Su Mu noticed through the corner of his eye that Theresa's clothes were still disarrayed. In the struggle, the right shoulder of her outfit had slumped down significantly. "Navigator Su Mu" confirmed he could clearly see the "Northern Hemisphere." But she seemed unaware, continuing to sip her water...
I'll pretend I didn't see anything, Su Mu thought. If he mentioned it, according to classic tropes, she might scream and slap him. Mhm, a common romance flag. But I'm not single anymore; facing such 'peach blossoms,' the best choice is to look away. If anyone asks? "I didn't see anything."
A few minutes before the broadcast, Kiana returned. she immediately pointed at Theresa's outfit. "Auntie, why is your chest exposed? You look like a pervert! Did you and Su Mu do something while I was in the bathroom?"
Finished. Totally finished! Su Mu's face went black. I guarded against everything but forgot this Tuna! Theresa finally realized her state. she screamed, frantically pulling her clothes up, and then glared fiercely at Su Mu. "Su Mu! You—you knew all along! Why didn't you tell me!"
Facing the interrogation, Su Mu looked out the window, playing dumb. "Knew what? I don't know anything." Wow, those clouds are so white. Those whites are so cloudy.
"don't look away when I'm talking to you!!" Theresa's annoyed voice came from behind. Su Mu kept looking at the sky. At times like this, just smile. Smile...
"WORLD'S CUTEST CRITICAL HIT!!" "OWW!!! KIANA—!!!" Smile my ass! You meddling Tuna, I'll take your life!!
Despite the chaos, the stream started smoothly. Theresa quickly recovered her state and began interacting with the audience. Kiana propped her chin up boredly, a bump on her head courtesy of the World's Cutest. "So why was I hit too?"
Facing her query, Su Mu replied: "Hehe."
For the stream, Theresa used the virtual avatar previously made for Su Mu and had also designed one for Kiana. Since the art assets were already in Honkai 3rd, it didn't take much effort. Su Mu had talked to Theresa about "stream differentiation." There were many streamers now, and while Theresa's status as the character archetype brought hype, relying solely on that wouldn't last.
Theresa's fans included those from her Magical Girl Teriri days, Honkai 3rd players, and curious onlookers. Su Mu wanted her streams to be unique, so Theresa decided that since Teriri had always been a "V-Tuber" style streamer, she would lean into it. In the future, when archetypes appeared in her room, they would use virtual avatars. This maintained the boundary between 2D and 3D and protected Theresa's identity.
Though they were virtual avatars, the latest AI face-tracking system made them incredibly vivid, recreating various expressions and movements with 80-90% accuracy. This tech was exclusive to Theresa's room, developed by Schicksal for a Theresa who wasn't a loli but still wanted to continue her idol career. As for the developer... everyone knew that man was a hopeless granddaughter-con.
After the intro and guest introduction, the stream officially began. Many viewers stuck to the "torture Su Mu whenever possible" rule, flooding the chat with anti-Old Thief comments. Su Mu was used to it—handsome people are just that popular. Even if their way of welcoming him was wanting to chop him down.
Among the audience, the most emotional was undoubtedly Otto Apocalypse! "Su Mu is participating too? That means he's alone with little Theresa! No, no, absolutely not! The thought of them alone in a room keeps me up at night!!"
Amber sighed beside him: "Regardless, Lord Otto, Miss Kiana is in the room as well." Otto acted as if he hadn't heard. He clutched his hair, muttering: "Theresa, my Theresa, don't let that brat trick you away!!"
Amber was speechless, noting internally that Lord Otto's mental state was "as usual."
Amidst Otto's mental breakdown, Theresa opened the Honkai Kingdoms: ZERO event plot. Su Mu had requested this, as playing it immediately upon launch avoided overlap with other streamers doing the main story. Naturally, Su Mu was eager to see what expression Theresa would make when she saw "The Shorty Looking at the Sky"!
After entering the interface, Theresa was assigned to the Huanyue City faction. At the start of the plot, the Captain was playing chess with Astrologos (Kongming).
["Has it finally come to this?"]
["It has come to this, after all."]
["If the 'cause' in the past had not changed, the current 'effect' would not exist."]
The audience clearly saw the Captain playing chess with Astrologos on the bridge. Viewers who knew chess noticed the board was set as "Seven Stars Gathering," the foremost of the four great classic endgames.
["But since the result has already taken shape, that past which could not move forward must be distorted by someone."]
["The person who changed your past is the me from the future... If that is so—what is this me doing at this very moment?"]
["Hmph, who knows... Checkmate."]
["Tch."]
["It is time for you to depart, Captain."]
["Haha, then I'll be off—let us meet again in the distant past."]
As the Captain spoke, his figure vanished from across Astrologos.
["Mhm. Let us meet again in the near future."]
The chess match and the cryptic opening monologue left the audience confused. the dialogue was intriguing... but they weren't in a hurry. After Sanka Saga, they were familiar with non-linear storytelling. All questions would be answered in due time.
END OF CHAPTER
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