Why can't I understand him?
Why do I trust him?
Why do I give myself over so completely.
Anyone else, I push away.
Anyone else, I'm afraid of.
Anyone else is,
Predictable,
Dangerous,
Frightening.
He is different.
I wanna keep my guard up,
But I also wanna let it fall.
I wanna run away,
But I also wanna stay.
I'm scared to trust him,
But I'm scared not to.
I don't wanna let him go,
But I also want to save him.
Contradictions.
Doesn't matter anyway.
No matter what, he promised he'd stay.
Contradictions.
Convince myself, I'm fine,
But it's harder over time.
Contradictions.
Problems in my mind,
Imaginary, but I'm tied.
I'm struggling and pulling.
Running, and I'm turning.
Wanting something I'm scared to have,
Because I'm scared I'll let it go.
Finding him is easier,
When I'm not crawling in the dark.
He is so much funnier,
But I'm not a wall in the park.
Contradictions.
They never stop,
Or go away.
They never cease,
They never bend.
He says to tell him when,
But when is always,
And always is when.