I've changed my mind.
This summer?
Yeah.
I don't like it.
—
Not because of the heat.
Not because the vending machine is still committing crimes against my wallet.
Not even because Ren has turned into a walking emotional disaster.
Okay, maybe a little because of that.
But mostly—
Because things are changing.
And no one's stopping it.
—
We're at the pier again.
Shocking, I know.
If this place had rent, we'd be broke.
Ren is leaning against the railing, staring out at the ocean like it personally betrayed him.
Mio is beside him, calm as always.
And me?
I'm stuck in the middle of whatever this is.
—
"She hasn't replied yet," Ren says.
It's been… what?
Ten minutes?
I check my phone.
"Relax," I say. "People have lives."
He glares at me.
"You're not helping."
"I'm helping you not spiral."
"I'm not spiraling."
"You are."
Mio doesn't even look at us. "He is."
—
Ren sighs and runs a hand through his hair.
"I just… it wasn't like this before."
There it is.
Finally.
Actual honesty.
Took him long enough.
—
"Yeah," I say. "Before, she was ten steps away, not ten cities away."
He doesn't argue.
Because he can't.
—
His phone buzzes.
We all look.
Again.
Yes, we are still doing this as a group activity.
Yuna: Sorry, I was with Hana.
Ren reads it.
Expression unreadable.
Dangerous.
—
"Oh no," I say.
"What?" he snaps.
"That face."
"What face?"
"That 'I'm fine but actually not fine' face."
Mio finally looks at him.
"You're thinking too much again."
"I'm not," he says.
Which means he definitely is.
—
He types.
Stops.
Deletes.
Types again.
This is painful.
—
Ren: It's okay.
That's it.
That's all.
I physically turn away.
"I can't watch this anymore."
"What now?" he says.
"You had a chance. A real moment. And you said 'it's okay.'"
"What's wrong with that?"
"It's emotionally weak," I say.
Mio shakes her head slightly. "It's safe."
"Exactly," I reply. "Too safe."
—
Ren leans back against the railing.
Quiet again.
But heavier this time.
—
"You don't like that she's with someone else," I say.
"I do," he replies quickly.
"No, you don't."
"I do."
"You like that she's okay," I correct. "You don't like that you're not part of every moment anymore."
Silence.
Yeah.
Thought so.
—
Mio speaks softly. "That's normal."
Ren exhales. "I know."
But knowing doesn't fix the feeling.
—
Across the distance, Yuna is probably laughing with Hana.
Getting used to things.
Building something new.
And here?
Ren's trying to hold onto something that's already changing.
—
His phone buzzes again.
Yuna: Today was kind of fun.
He reads it.
Doesn't reply immediately.
That's new.
—
"You're thinking again," I say.
"No," he replies.
"Yes."
—
Summertimes are coming.
And I finally figured it out.
It's not the distance that's the problem.
It's what distance does to people.
—
It makes you realize—
You can't be part of everything anymore.
And yeah.
I really don't like that.