Not because Yvette wanted Julian. She had sorted through that particular inventory in the weeks since everything happened and had found, at the bottom of it, that what she had wanted was not Julian specifically but the version of herself that had existed before the losses accumulated.
Before Leo. Before the choices that had led her, somehow, to a hospital in Verenza with babies she had not known how to protect.
Three babies.
She had three children in the world and she had held two of them today and the other one was somewhere she could not reach, and that was the thing that was real, that was the thing underneath the jealousy and the bitterness and the complicated feelings about watching Julian kiss his wife at a sea coast on a Thursday evening the thing that was simply the truest available fact of her life.
She needed her child. She turned the car around.
She found Kalian's address in four minutes.
