"Huh? What the hell is going on?"
Tsunade looked completely confused.
Since when could Naruto's stupid prank techniques cause actual physical damage on top of the mental scarring?
And just a second ago, Jiraiya had clearly screamed, "Don't do it, Naruto!" indicating he was genuinely terrified of Naruto using that move.
It definitely wasn't some misunderstanding.
But Tsunade quickly had to dismiss that train of thought, because Naruto's next actions proved he had absolutely no clue why Jiraiya had collapsed either.
"Pervy Sage, stop acting! I'm not falling for it anymore!"
Seeing Jiraiya lying there out cold, Naruto directly dispelled his Shadow Clones and his main body formed the Tiger hand seal to attack Jiraiya's ass.
Naruto's resentful strike actually produced the distinct sound of tearing fabric right at the point of impact!
Yet, even after being viciously "attacked," Jiraiya remained completely unconscious.
"Huh?"
Hearing that ripping sound, Naruto sensed something was very wrong, but it was way too late.
'Something was seriously wrong.'
"This isn't right! Ten points—no, nine points out of ten there's something totally wrong!"
Naruto suddenly felt a wave of nausea.
He quickly withdrew his attack, raising his hands right in front of his face.
And then... normally, he would make this exact gesture whenever his fingers got injured.
Subconsciously, Naruto popped the "injured" fingers right into his mouth, intending to simply disinfect them with saliva.
"..."
The bystanders were absolutely stunned into silence.
"AHHH!!!"
"URGH—"
Naruto couldn't hold it back this time and just started violently vomiting everywhere.
Even though nothing had actually happened earlier, just thinking about what he just did made him physically sick.
Naruto hurled up all the Ichiraku Ramen he had just eaten.
"Hey, wait—!" Tsunade tried to stop him, but it was way too late.
Vomiting is a physiological reaction, you can't just halt it by yelling.
Naruto violently threw up all over Jiraiya.
Honestly, you could only call it fortunate.
Very fortunate.
Naruto didn't happen to aim his puke at the giant hole torn open by his Thousand Years of Death.
Otherwise, something infinitely more terrifying would have happened.
After emptying his stomach, Naruto weakly collapsed to the ground.
Only then did he realize that Jiraiya—who had just been subjected to the Thousand Years of Death and vomited on—still showed absolutely no movement.
'Could he really be dead?!'
Naruto recalled how he had once used the Sexy Jutsu to give Hiruzen Sarutobi a massive nosebleed, and the Super Harem Jutsu was several times more effective than that.
'So...'
"Pervy Sage, don't die! DON'T DIE!!!" Naruto wailed, frantically grabbing handfuls of leaves from the ground to wipe the gross substance off Jiraiya's body.
"Uh, Naruto... instead of howling like a dying animal, why don't you just go to the medical division and fetch some Medical Ninjas?" Tsunade suggested.
"Huh? You mean Pervy Sage isn't dead?!" Naruto wiped his tears and snot directly onto Jiraiya's clothes.
"Just check if he's breathing through his nose." Tsunade pointed at Jiraiya's limp body.
She had considered examining him herself earlier, but after that mess, she was completely avoiding going anywhere near him.
"Oh, right." Naruto finally understood.
He quickly rolled Jiraiya over—and pinched the man's nose completely shut.
"I meant check if he's breathing, you damn idiot!" Tsunade nearly lost her goddamn mind.
Was basic common sense just never taught in the Academy, or did this kid literally sleep through every class?
"O-oh." After properly confirming Jiraiya was still breathing, Naruto sighed in massive relief.
"I'll go get the Medical Ninjas then! I'll be right back!"
With that, Naruto leaped onto a tree branch and vanished.
"So he completely failed to realize that you are a Medical Ninja?" Orochimaru chuckled darkly as he approached.
"Stop right there." Tsunade whipped around and snapped at Orochimaru.
"No joking around! Explain clearly what the hell you did to Jiraiya!"
"That's rather difficult to explain, but Makoto should understand. This thing isn't harmful at all—in fact, it might even benefit Jiraiya greatly." Orochimaru innocently spread his pale hands.
"Huh?" Tsunade recalled that Orochimaru had indeed said something similar to Makoto earlier.
But Naruto's chaotic antics had been so damn distracting she nearly forgot.
"Correct. This is a concept I proposed during a casual chat with Orochimaru a while back. I just didn't expect him to actually develop it."
Seeing Tsunade's sharp gaze shift to him, Makoto nodded in confirmation.
"So, what exactly is that thing? Is it really a Cursed Seal? Why the hell would Jiraiya need a Cursed Seal?" Tsunade now understood that Cursed Seals were essentially just Sage Art Chakra and Natural Energy, which was why she hadn't completely overreacted upon hearing the term earlier.
In the past, Cursed Seals were notorious for turning people into violent, disfigured monsters.
"By the strict definition of a Cursed Seal, yes, it technically counts as one. However, this specific seal doesn't grant any power—it's more like a 'restriction.' Orochimaru's previous Cursed Seals used Natural Energy to aggressively empower the user. This one does the exact opposite: it uses Natural Energy to impose strict limitations," Makoto explained.
"Limitations? How could that possibly be a good thing?" Tsunade frowned.
"Limitations aren't necessarily a bad thing, just like how national laws restrict crime."
"So what exactly does this Cursed Seal restrict?"
"Ahem."
"What?" Tsunade cleaned her ear, convinced she must have misheard him.
"Cough, his dick, cough."
"?"
"Heh." Tsunade couldn't hold back a snort, her face twisting into an expression totally torn between amusement and pure exasperation.
Suddenly, everything made perfect sense.
Why Jiraiya had looked so completely resentful, tragic, and utterly desperate during his confrontation with Orochimaru.
Why Jiraiya had rambled on and on without ever actually mentioning the key details.
Why Jiraiya had become so absolutely terrified and distressed the second he saw Naruto's Harem Jutsu!
"So what's the actual use of this—I mean, what are the benefits?" Tsunade felt like this ninja world was just getting too bizarre.
"The benefit, of course, is that it can finally help Jiraiya eliminate all his 'unnecessary distractions'." After answering Tsunade's question, Orochimaru turned his gaze to Makoto.
"Makoto, do you remember the person you mentioned to me?"
"Stop speaking in stupid riddles. You're referring to Kashin Koji, right?" Makoto rolled his eyes.
"Who the hell is Kashin Koji?" Tsunade asked, clearly out of the loop.
"In the original timeline's future, he's Jiraiya's clone. You can basically think of a clone as a Shadow Clone that never disappears, has a completely different personality, but is otherwise identical in almost every way."
"I suspect what Orochimaru is trying to say is that Kashin Koji can effortlessly enter Sage Mode entirely on his own. Whereas Jiraiya, as the original, cannot achieve this without the assistance of the Toad Sages, and even then, it's not a perfect Sage Mode," Makoto articulated Orochimaru's mad scientist logic.
"The core issue likely lies in their differing personalities and levels of concentration. So, Orochimaru wants to use this brutal restriction method to force Jiraiya to achieve a perfect Sage Mode."
This idea could only be considered half right and half wrong, though.
After all, the clone Kashin Koji had his actual genes fundamentally adjusted and optimized.