"Don't say a word."
After arriving at the door, Tsunade made a swift silencing gesture to the nearby Medical Ninja, waving her hand to shoo them away.
Afterward, she, Makoto, and Tobirama Senju crept softly up to the door.
I mean, think about it: Jiraiya and Orochimaru were literally "conspiring" inside, so naturally, Tsunade, Makoto, and the Second Hokage were forced into the role of "eavesdroppers."
It was perfectly reasonable.
The conversation inside carried on.
After hearing Orochimaru's twisted explanation, Jiraiya fell dead silent.
He actually seemed to be contemplating whether his notoriously unfocused self should learn a thing or two from Orochimaru's psychotic level of concentration.
Especially after witnessing the Otsutsuki clan attempt to snatch the Nine-Tails from Naruto, he realized his old personality truly needed an overhaul.
If Naruto didn't get strong enough, even if someone protected him temporarily, they couldn't babysit him for a lifetime.
"Orochimaru, you're right. I should properly teach Naruto and actually work hard on my own training, too. Without power, I have no right to protect the things I want to protect." Jiraiya's expression suddenly became dead-serious and resolute.
Orochimaru was slightly taken aback by this sudden character development, but then smiled with sick satisfaction.
This was exactly how it should be!
"But the Ichaicha series absolutely cannot be discontinued." Jiraiya suddenly shifted his tone, his face completely deadpan.
"Orochimaru, you don't understand. My novels are massive bestsellers across the Five Great Nations. My fans are spread throughout the entire ninja world, including people in very high positions. You know what? There was this one time when the Land of Claws and the Land of Fangs were right on the brink of war, but their daimyos were huge fans of mine. My novels literally prevented a damn war!"
"And Orochimaru, you know how it is—someone as incredibly famous as me inevitably has some violently fervent fans. If they find out I'm dropping the series, they might do something truly unfortunate. Like those two daimyos who stopped a war for me? They could very well start the war right back up because of me."
Jiraiya babbled on earnestly for a long time, but his real intention was painfully obvious: he just wanted to guilt trip Orochimaru into removing that hellish restriction.
With that damn seal in place, he couldn't even get his engine to "start up," let alone conduct his usual, degenerate research.
"Oh, that's incredibly easy to solve. I'll just go assassinate those two daimyos, and then they won't be able to start a war. Land of Claws and Land of Fangs, right?" Orochimaru casually whipped out a small notebook and began taking notes.
He even looked up to double-check with Jiraiya just in case he killed the wrong politicians, showing his truly remarkable level of kindness and amiability.
"Wait, wait!" Jiraiya frantically raised a hand to stop Orochimaru and sighed heavily.
"Orochimaru, just give it to me straight. What will it take for you to remove this seal?"
"Oh? So you just want me to remove the seal? Why didn't you simply say so?" Orochimaru put down his little deathnote.
"Huh? What do you mean? Are you saying you'll actually help me remove it if I just ask?!"
"Correct." Orochimaru tucked the notebook away and spread his pale hands innocently.
"There are two very simple methods to remove this seal. First, you and another person who can perfectly use Sage Art Chakra—but possesses a completely different chakra nature—must use the Rasengan to precisely control your chakra and simultaneously attack the seal. That will instantly break the restriction."
"?"
Jiraiya stared at Orochimaru in absolute, unfiltered horror.
"The Rasengan?!"
"Indeed, the Rasengan." Orochimaru nodded sagely. "I specially designed this incredibly simple unlocking method just for you. Easy, right?"
"Easy my ass! That's a goddamn Rasengan!" Jiraiya was having a full-blown mental breakdown.
The Rasengan!
And they had to attack him with it!
The absolute slightest mistake or a trembling hand could mean blowing a massive hole right through his body!
Even worse, he couldn't even do it alone—it required two people perfectly coordinating, which basically forced him to drag Naruto into this mess, right?
And they specifically needed different chakra natures just to prevent him from cheating with a Shadow Clone!
The precautions were absolutely airtight.
Right now, Jiraiya really wanted to shove a Rasengan directly into Orochimaru's smug face.
Orochimaru could clearly see that Jiraiya desperately wanted to smash a Rasengan into his face, but the snake wasn't afraid in the slightest.
When it came to tanking a Rasengan, Orochimaru held all the cheat codes.
No matter how much damage ordinary physical attacks inflicted, they meant absolutely nothing to him.
"The second method is simply for me to remove it directly." Orochimaru slowly revealed option number two.
"Tch, then why the hell did you even bring up the first method?! Just to scare me? Just remove it for me right now."
After feeling utterly hopeless for so long, Jiraiya was momentarily stunned before finally relaxing with a tired smile.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sur—"
Just as Jiraiya was about to agree, he saw Orochimaru slowly slithering toward him, lips parted and suddenly realized exactly how this freak was going to remove it!
In pure, unadulterated panic, Jiraiya hugged his hospital blanket tightly and scrambled violently backward against the headboard.
"NO! Don't come any closer! Orochimaru, stay the fuck away from me!"
His defensive posture was exactly like a helpless young girl encountering a terrifying street pervert.
But this wasn't Jiraiya putting on an act—this was genuine, raw emotion coming from him.
At this moment, Jiraiya was basically like a helpless roast duck hanging in a shop window, screaming, "Don't touch me!".
The Restriction actually sealed his urges not his dick, but if Orochimaru's weird mouth touched him again, he would absolutely develop permanent psychological trauma!
Even if the seal were successfully removed later, he'd probably be too mentally scarred to ever function again anyway.
"Let's—let's just use the first method! Teaching Naruto and protecting the ninja world... yes, I, the great Toad Sage of Mount Myoboku, have an inescapable duty!" Jiraiya clenched his fist, plastering on a wildly exaggerated righteous expression.
Just then, Naruto came sprinting down the hall.
Though he was thoroughly puzzled to see three top-tier ninja just standing around eavesdropping at the door, he didn't say a word and directly shoved the door open to barge inside.
"Pervy Sage, I totally misunderstood you! Here, this is the pain medicine I stole... uh, I mean, got for you!" Naruto started emptying his pockets, pouring box after box of painkillers onto the bed.
Jiraiya's mouth violently twitched.
With this mountain of pills, was he supposed to eat them like a full-course meal?
"Naruto, I'm perfectly fine now. And please, kindly stop calling me 'Pervy Sage' from now on. You may refer to me as a 'gentleman' instead." Jiraiya patted Naruto's spiky head with a serene, kindly smile.
What the hell does "gentleman" mean? Naruto was completely lost.
"Jiraiya-sama, I heard you were hospitalized too?"
Right on cue, Kakashi strolled in from the neighboring hospital room.
"Yo, Kakashi," Jiraiya greeted him with an unnerving amount of calm.
"Jiraiya-sama, these are some get-well gifts for you. Please recover quickly and start writing your new books soon." Kakashi casually placed a fat stack of magazines featuring red-light district women on their covers right onto Jiraiya's bedside table.
Kakashi remained a die-hard fan of Jiraiya's novels.
After all, having consumed way too much of Makoto's... well, his insanely heavy-taste Vigorous Paradise series, a guy really needed some lighter, cultured reading just to balance out his brain.
"Hmm?"
Out of pure, ingrained instinct, Jiraiya turned his gaze toward the spicy magazine covers.
"AHH!"
With a blood-curdling shriek of sheer agony, Jiraiya fainted dead away on the spot.
Seeing this, Naruto totally panicked and rushed to the doorway, looking wildly at Makoto and the eavesdropping duo.
"What should we do?! Pervy Sage... uh, the gentleman just fainted again!"
"Screw that gentleman nonsense," Tsunade facepalmed in complete, utter exasperation.
Kakashi followed Naruto out into the hall, looking totally baffled.
"Hokage-sama, what exactly is wrong with Jiraiya-sama?"
Before Tsunade or Makoto could even attempt to explain the nightmare, Orochimaru's creepy muttering echoed from inside the room.
"Wait, I overlooked something. There's something wrong with the restriction... my mistake."
"..."
"Alright. Now it's perfect."
While everyone in the hallway stood completely frozen in absolute horror, Orochimaru casually walked out of the hospital room, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.