What is the most brutal thing in the world?
Watching your childhood crush and your best bro both get hit with aphrodisiac.
What is the best thing in the world?
When your bro is crippled by the pheromones, leaving you as the sole savior to swoop in and rescue her.
And what is the actual cruelest thing in the world?
Remembering that your bro literally harvested your dick ten minutes ago, leaving you physically incapable of doing a damn thing about it!
Obito now found himself trapped in this exact, agonizing circle of hell.
"Aaaahhhh!" Obito roared in impotent fury.
Logically, his scream should have alerted anyone nearby.
But tragically, the Mist tracker ninjas were too busy tweaking on the Sister Key fumes to care about a screaming teenager.
Then, something even more horrifying happened.
The White Zetsu in this timeline operated on the same logic as the real world—they were mutated ancient humans.
However, during Kaguya's reign in this universe, the Sage of the Six Paths had spread his degenerate furry ideologies across the globe.
Whenever Kaguya found ancient humans who had been corrupted into beast-fetishists, she absorbed their chakra and converted them into White Zetsu.
In the real world, the Uchiha clan were the only normal ones who didn't care about the Tailed Beasts.
The only slight exception was Uchiha Fugaku, whose lack of interest in his wife led to rumors that he and Namikaze Minato were gay lovers.
Uchiha Obito was supposed to be normal too.
His simp-card for Rin was legendary.
But right now, half of his crushed body was composed of White Zetsu, heavily infused with Hashirama Senju cells.
When Obito's emotional trauma cracked his psyche, he awakened Wood Release.
And just like that, the ancient, repressed furry DNA locked inside the White Zetsu tissue hijacked his brain.
In the original world, a man had to suppress his instincts to act normal.
Here, that lock was just violently shattered.
Obito's lifelong obsession with Rin rapidly faded, instantly overwritten by a primal, burning thirst for Tailed Beasts that surged through his nervous system like a freight train.
At that exact moment, a clumsy Mist ninja tripped.
The containment vessel they had been carrying—the one holding the sealed Three-Tails—shattered on the rocks.
Kirigakure's original tactical plan was to capture Kakashi and Rin, force the Three-Tails into one of them, and send them back to nuke Konoha.
But Kakashi had just shattered their aphrodisiac bottles and ruined the mood.
"ROAR~"
The Three-Tailed Isobu burst from the broken jar.
It took one massive breath, accidentally inhaled the entire cloud of dense pink mist, and let out a highly questionable, unnatural moan.
Obito, completely immune to the mist but currently high on Hashirama cells and ancient furry DNA, stared at the giant armored turtle.
The sight sent him into an instant frenzy!
He lunged forward without a second thought.
Obito now genuinely, romantically adored the Three-Tails.
As a being made entirely of pure chakra, the giant turtle conveniently bypassed the physical limitations of Obito's missing equipment.
Tragically, he had completely forgotten Rin existed.
His brain was empty, holding nothing but the giant turtle.
He immediately initiated "combat" with the Three-Tails.
...
Meanwhile, Rin's consciousness was fading in the pink fog.
Yet her indomitable spirit and unwavering willpower remained strong.
She remembered her final promise to deliver Obito's balls to Orochimaru.
Orochimaru?
As a trained medical ninja, Rin suddenly recalled some highly cursed anatomical knowledge the snake Sannin had once shared with her during biology class.
She had a way to manually remove the aphrodisiac debuff!
With trembling hands, Rin retrieved a sterile scalpel from her pouch.
Biting down on her collar, she sliced open her own abdomen, surgically located the specific reproductive organ causing the hormonal reaction, tossed it into the bushes, and rapidly stitched herself back up.
Sure enough, the burning sensation in her blood immediately flatlined.
Rin exhaled a massive sigh of relief, proud of her medical prowess.
She sat up and looked around the clearing to check on her teammates.
It would have been better if she had just kept her eyes closed.
The sheer visual trauma of what she saw caused her fresh stitches to violently burst open.
Over by the trees, Kakashi was doing ungodly things with his summon dog, Pakkun.
And in the center of the clearing, Obito—who was supposed to be dead—was aggressively rizzing up a giant three-tailed turtle.
"This Shinobi World is.... hell," Rin murmured, her eyes dead and hollow.
She collapsed back onto the dirt.
Having officially lost all hope and desire to live, she didn't even bother applying pressure to her wound, opting to just let herself peacefully bleed out into the soil.
The Mirage's holographic projection abruptly glitched and faded out.
The thick mist in the present day began to dissipate as a figure slowly emerged from the clearing fog.
It was a completely unfamiliar woman.
...
"Huh? Is that what I'd look like grown up?"
Up in the spectator stands, the Edo Tensei version of Rin instantly recognized the figure.
Because Rin had died in her early teens, she never reached adulthood, making it hard for anyone else to recognize her older form at first glance
But the purple stripes on her cheeks gave it away.
...
"This is the actual truth of what happened back then. I've been waiting for you all here for a long time," the adult Rin said, her voice icy and deadpan.
"Wait, so you're the mysterious masked man?" Makoto asked, sensing a massive plot hole.
"That doesn't make sense. Konan clearly said the masked man was caught in the Akatsuki base..."
Konan had explicitly stated the masked man was caught screaming the word "Zero" while gooning in his bedroom.
How could that possibly have been Rin?
"You mean that incident? See for yourself."
Adult Rin held up a wooden staff.
Instead of a magical gemstone, the head of the staff was inlaid with the Giant Clam—shrunk down into a small seashell and embedded in the wood.
And inside the clam's shell wasn't a pearl, but a glowing Mangekyō Sharingan.
The Sharingan rotated, emitting a faint mist, and projected a new hologram.
It turned out the mysterious masked man had indeed been Obito all along.
Konan had simply failed to get a good look at him through the rubble after Nagato wiped out the house, leading to the misunderstanding.
In the unedited footage, Obito was screaming "Zero" in his room.
But there was no response from his body.
Even though Obito's brain had been permanently hotwired to love Tailed Beasts, his teenage memories of Rin were still intact.
He was desperately trying to fantasize about Rin to feel normal again, but his new furry programming made it physically impossible to finish the job!
Daily attempts proved futile.
Left with no other choice, he abandoned his humanity, fully gave in to his degenerate urges, and retreated to his Kamui dimension.
He had essentially turned his pocket dimension into a private goon-cave, a gilded cage where he hoarded Tailed Beasts like prized concubines.
"Uh... did you kill him?" Makoto asked, pointing a thumb at the Sharingan in the staff.
"Correct," adult Rin replied with a cold, blank nod.
"This world is a fake, cursed joke. The ninja dogs and Kakashi are illusions. The Three-Tails and Obito are illusions. The Nine-Tails and Minato-sensei are illusions too."
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