Upon learning that successfully train Sage Mode strictly required consuming raw insects to purify his body and harmonize with nature, Naruto forced himself to slurp them down like a bowl of Ichiraku ramen, desperately suppressing his gag reflex.
"This kid must definitely be the Child of Prophecy," Shima remarked in awe. "Look how heartily he's eating that bug sludge! We barely even had to persuade him."
"Back when Jiraiya-chan and Minato-chan came here to eat the sacred insects, they resisted fiercely like little kids," Fukasaku added, nodding in respect.
"Exceptional! He's a true genius!" the two Sages praised Naruto in unison.
Though his stomach was currently suffering a biblical plague, Naruto's spirits soared at the massive ego boost.
He had rarely been complimented in his miserable life, always being labeled a useless "dead last."
To suddenly be called a generational genius? It was intoxicating as hell!
...
Meanwhile, deep inside the seal, the Nine-Tails writhed in absolute agony from the shared taste of the bugs.
Late that night, as Naruto finally slept, the Nine-Tails immediately dragged his consciousness into the Sealing Space.
Bang!
The giant fox violently slammed a massive claw against the iron gate.
"You stupid brat! Stop eating those disgusting fucking insects! If you want power so badly, I can just give it to you—just be obedient and listen to me!"
"Huh? Wait, you can taste me eating the insects too? Great! That means I'm not the only one suffering!" Naruto cheered, completely missing the point.
Then he finally processed what the Nine-Tails had actually offered.
Naruto lowered his head in serious thought.
"According to the Third and Second Hokage, mastering Sage Mode and your Tailed Beast power is the only way to save Sasuke, the Pervy Sage, and my Mom..."
The Nine-Tails' raw power was definitely essential.
But during his previous training trips, the Pervy Sage had strictly warned him to be extremely cautious around the fox and not let it manipulate his mind.
"Nine-Tails... are you trying to manipulate me right now?"
Naruto pondered for a long agonizing minute, honestly still unsure what "manipulation" really even meant.
He finally looked up at the giant furball in the cage.
"..."
The Nine-Tails stared back, now more convinced than ever that without its godly power, this brain-dead kid would never be able to protect his beloved Sasuke.
And if Sasuke died, Naruto would surely resort to using the fox as a romantic substitute, walking right down the irreversible, cursed path foretold by the Great Toad Sage.
"Even if I told you I wasn't manipulating you, would you actually believe me?" the fox grumbled.
"Yes, I totally would."
"...Then just accept my damn power and stop eating the fucking bugs!"
"No way! I still have to learn Sage Mode!" Naruto shook his head firmly, crossing his arms. "Only by perfectly mastering Sage Mode AND safely controlling your power can I defeat Orochimaru and rescue everyone."
In the past, the arrogant Nine-Tails would have scoffed and yelled, 'With my ultimate power, you don't need those stinky toads' lame strength!'
But the beast was well aware of Orochimaru's current bullshit-tier lineup: the Edo Tensei Second and Third Hokage were annoying enough, but the real pants-shitting threat was the First Hokage, Hashirama.
Perhaps the blond idiot's reasoning wasn't entirely wrong after all.
"Alright, fine. I agree to cooperate," the Nine-Tails sighed, its massive claws drooping weakly in defeat.
"Huh? Nine-Tails, why are you being so agreeable all of a sudden?" Naruto asked, genuinely suspicious.
"Listen here. Remember that Ōtsutsuki freaks? Their ultimate goal is to hunt down the Tailed Beasts. Your current strength is garbage. If no one's there to protect you next time they show up, I'll die. And if I die, you, as the Jinchūriki, won't survive either. We are both grasshoppers tied to the exact same string now, understand?"
The Nine-Tails presented a perfectly logical, airtight explanation.
This logical explanation had actually been the fox's original underlying reasoning, but now its primary concern was simply preventing that cursed marriage Prophecy from coming true.
It would rather die a thousand deaths than let that happen!
...
Naruto's consciousness returned from the damp Sealing Space back to reality.
"Training Sage Mode AND trying to master the Nine-Tails' Chakra... Man, I have so much crap to do! I need to get to sleep quickly," Naruto muttered to himself in his bed.
To help himself relax, he instinctively activated his trusty "Fly-Into-Sleep" technique.
(He's beating his meat).
In the Sealing Space, the Nine-Tails was just gloating over successfully tricking Naruto into an alliance when a sudden, highly questionable physical sensation washed over its entire giant body, causing its furry face to flush bright crimson!
"You filthy brat! Stop doing that at once!!!" the Nine-Tails roared furiously, echoing in Naruto's mind.
"What's wrong, Nine-Tails? Didn't you literally just say our senses are completely connected? I was just trying to help you relax and fall asleep faster too!" Naruto shuddered mid-stroke, then replied to the fox in his mind, his voice laced with genuine confusion.
"Do you even know what the hell you're doing to yourself?!"
"You're still going through puberty! Doing this constantly is terrible for your physical development!"
"You were severely malnourished as a kid! If you keep beating it like this, how do you ever expect to grow big enough to attract girls?!"
The terrifying fox suddenly felt like he'd become Naruto's personal disappointed grandpa, desperately lecturing him with earnest concern.
"Wait, how does this have anything to do with attracting girls?" Naruto stopped, immediately latching onto the key phrase.
"Exactly!" the Nine-Tails replied, immensely relieved that the idiot was finally listening.
"Even with your busted Uzumaki Clan bloodline, my massive Chakra, and even if someone gives you Six Paths Yang Power in the future, we can only bring your... size... up to a barely average, normal level. You'll never be truly exceptional down there if you waste it now."
"But this thing is always hidden in my pants anyway! How am I supposed to attract girls if they can't even see it?!" Naruto protested, utterly bewildered by the logic.
"Have you completely forgotten about the Byakugan?!" the fox barked back. "Besides, things are valuable precisely because they're hidden! If you have enough impressive hardware to show off, you can reveal it casually and blow their minds. What the hell do you have to show off right now?!"
The Nine-Tails immediately began fabricating bullshit stories, its only desperate concern being to prevent Naruto from getting any weird ideas that might interfere with its grand plan of keeping him straight and focused on Sasuke.
"Really...?" Naruto asked, his skepticism highly evident.
He recalled the time all the guys had gone to the public bathhouse together, when he'd accidentally noticed that Shino's dick were remarkably robust.
But Shino didn't exactly seem like the type of guy to effortlessly attract girls, did he?
"Of course it's true! With your incredibly limited intelligence and nonexistent talent, do you honestly think I could fool you?" the fox lied smoothly.
"Well... that's true."
Naruto remembered the two Toad Sages praising him as an unmatched genius earlier that day and, riding that ego high, immediately believed the fox's ridiculous lie.
...
The very next morning, Sage Shima reverse-summoned herself to Konoha to buy some groceries.
It was honestly strange to think a toad that exclusively ate nasty bugs would need to buy groceries in the human village of Konoha.
Was she secretly stocking up from the Aburame Clan's private reserves?
In any case, Sage Shima decided to take the opportunity to visit the Hokage's office and inquire about Jiraiya's dire situation.
"Sage Shima, you only need to focus on helping Naruto master Sage Mode. Jiraiya is not in any life-threatening danger, so you can rest assured," Tsunade said from behind her desk, revealing absolutely nothing else.
It wasn't that she distrusted the legendary Sages of Mount Myōboku, she simply worried that their deep parental concern for Jiraiya might lead them to accidentally leak too much classified info to Naruto, especially if they saw the kid pushing himself too hard in his training.
So, she firmly decided to keep the specific details of Orochimaru's kidnapping entirely to herself.
"No danger at all?" Sage Shima eventually left the office, her wrinkled face still highly skeptical.
Just as she leapt out the window, Shima glanced back and saw Kakashi—who had just entered the Hokage Office right after her—mysteriously handing a thick, suspicious-looking book directly to Tsunade.
"Hokage-sama, this classified mission is fully complete."
"Thank you for your hard work, Kakashi."
"?"
Sage Shima narrowed her eyes and memorized the book's colorful title cover.
She immediately rushed down to a local Konoha bookstore, bought a fresh copy of the exact same book, and used the Reverse Summoning Technique to pop back to Mount Myōboku.
"The author is listed as Kakashi? No, absolutely not. Based on that shady exchange, this was definitely written by that little brat Tsunade."
Sage Shima stared at the title, recalling the sketchy scene in the office, and immediately made her seasoned judgment.
"This old woman is going to see exactly what dirty secrets you're all hiding!"
Sage Shima cracked open the spine and began to read.
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