"How old is Granny Chiyo?" Naruto asked cautiously.
"I actually don't know..." Ajisai admitted.
"Seventy. She is one year older than the Third Hokage," Yugao Uzuki provided, stepping in to answer.
"Th-then what does she look like? Can she pretend to be young just like Granny Tsunade?" Naruto pressed, his face paling.
"...No. Maintaining eternal youth is a unique technique exclusive to the Fifth Hokage. No one else currently possesses that ability."
Ajisai glanced at Yugao, expecting the Konoha Anbu to continue explaining, but noticed the woman had pulled out a small notepad and was frantically scribbling something down.
Thus, she answered Naruto's question herself.
(Uzuki Yugao's notes: Naruto Uzumaki refers to the Lord Hokage as "Granny" and claims she is "faking her youth.")
"HUH?! THEN KAKASHI-SENSEI IS DOOMED! HE'S GOING TO MARRY SUCH AN OLD HAG?! NO WAY! I HAVE TO SAVE HIM!" Naruto shrieked, his face contorting with righteous indignation after finally connecting the dots.
It seemed Naruto had matured a little after all, actually knowing to pause and analyze the situation before screaming.
"Pfft—!"
Yugao burst out laughing, staring at the boy in sheer astonishment.
"You are still so young! What exactly is going on in that head of yours? Lady Chiyo is a highly respected elder of the Sand Village. Even if they have some old grudges regarding the White Fang, how could she possibly do that to Kakashi? You're talking about those bizarre rumors from the Hidden Rain, right?"
Right?
...Right?
"SAY SOMETHING! WHY ARE YOU LOOKING DOWN LIKE THAT?!" Yugao shrieked, staring at Ajisai, on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.
The Rain kunoichi's averted gaze spoke volumes.
It wasn't Naruto who had the wrong idea, it was someone else entirely.
Yugao felt her worldview shattering.
'Could it be that I am the abnormal one?' she wondered wildly.
'Is it really that uncommon for biological males and females of similar ages to just be together in this world?!'
"Yo, Naruto! What are you doing out here? Did the Hokage give you another mission?"
Just as the three of them fell into an eerie silence, Kiba called out, waving as he approached them, with Shino and Hinata trailing closely behind.
"No, Kakashi-sensei got captured!" Naruto replied, his face creased with frantic worry.
"Oh? He finally got taken away, huh?" Kiba showed absolutely zero surprise, instead seeming somewhat relieved.
Shino and Hinata wore the exact same expressions of quiet vindication, leaving Naruto utterly baffled.
'Do these three have a grudge against Kakashi-sensei?' he wondered.
'Did he hit them with the Thousand Years of Death too? Why are they reacting like this to a kidnapping?!'
The three members of Team 8 were naturally acting like this because of the time they infiltrated Kakashi's house, discovered his highly classified collection of smut, and confirmed his degenerate tendencies.
Although Tsunade had suppressed the incident and no one dared speak of it publicly, the traumatic memory hadn't vanished.
"NO, YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG!" Naruto suddenly realized their misunderstanding and hurriedly explained.
"Kakashi-sensei wasn't arrested for writing adult books! He was kidnapped by an old hag from the Sand Village, and he's going to have a baby with her!"
"Are you sure Kakashi was actually kidnapped?" Kiba asked skeptically.
"Absolutely!" Naruto replied without a shred of hesitation.
"Are you really sure?" Kiba stroked his chin, adopting the dramatic pose of a master detective solving a locked-room murder, just like when they had investigated Kakashi's house.
"Kakashi-sensei's strength is universally acknowledged throughout the Shinobi World. Not only that, but Kakashi has incredibly close, unbreakable bonds with Gai-sensei and Yamato."
"Furthermore, when we were investigating Kakashi's room last time, we encountered a mysterious figure who offered us cryptic clues. He claimed to be a 'passing ally of justice.' But he couldn't fool me, the Great Detective Kiba, or Akamaru's nose! I had Akamaru memorize the mysterious person's scent from the note."
"Later, when we ran into Kakashi at the training grounds, Akamaru detected a faint trace of that exact same mysterious scent... inside Kakashi's mouth. What does this mean?!"
"KAKASHI KISSED THAT MYSTERIOUS PERSON!"
"Kakashi-sensei is too wild," Hinata murmured softly, her face burning red as her head bowed and her index fingers nervously poked together.
"Perhaps it wasn't a kiss," Shino suggested darkly, adjusting his sunglasses.
"If it wasn't a kiss, then what was it? Did they pee in Kakashi's mouth?!" Kiba shot a disgusted sidelong glance at Shino before turning back to Naruto.
"So, Naruto, you need to understand that Kakashi has way too many old flames and complicated entanglements. If he really got kidnapped by an old hag, those 'friends' of his would be the most anxious, they'd rush to his rescue long before you do."
"THAT'S RIGHT!" Naruto had a sudden epiphany and clapped his fists together. "Then I'll go inform Bushy Brow Sensei—"
"IDIOT NARUTO, STOP RIGHT THERE!" Kiba grabbed Naruto's arm, his expression a mix of exasperation and profound disappointment.
"Don't you get it, man?! I'm saying Kakashi might not have been captured at all—he might have gone willingly!"
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, KIBA?! That's an old hag we're talking about! How could Kakashi-sensei possibly do that willingly?!" Naruto stared at Kiba in utter disbelief, his face frozen in shock.
"But everything I'm saying is the deductive truth," Kiba sighed. "If you don't believe me, you should at least trust Shino and Hinata, right? The three of us saw it with our own eyes in Kakashi's house that day, we found some hidden books—or to be more accurate, we found them thanks to Hinata's Byakugan."
"They clearly revealed Kakashi's deeply closeted perversions beneath that mask. I won't elaborate further on the horrifying details, but regarding this Old Hag... in one of Kakashi's notebooks, he had handwritten the line: 'Women are like fine wine, the older they are, the more mellow they taste.' It is clear that Kakashi has a highly specific fetish in this area."
"HUH?!" Naruto's jaw dropped as he turned to Hinata and Shino for confirmation.
"Mm-hmm." Hinata nodded shyly.
"Yes. It is a fact," Shino affirmed.
Their solid affirmations caused the last bit of hope in Naruto's heart to completely die.
"It was actually voluntary again?"
"Sasuke voluntarily went to Orochimaru, and Kakashi-sensei voluntarily ran off to that old hag Chiyo..." Naruto muttered to himself, his worldview crumbling.
(Sakura: What about me? Why don't you mention me?!)
Naruto became deeply conflicted.
Chasing after Sasuke was a no-brainer—he could just blindly run after his rival without thinking.
But Kakashi was his teacher.
Was he really going to stop Kakashi-sensei from pursuing his own kink?
"Wait a minute, speaking of which, Chiyo-sama is already seventy, can she really still have a child?" Yugao interjected, trying to inject some basic biology into the madness.
"She can," Ajisai answered smoothly.
"As everyone knows, when our Akatsuki organization was first exposed, we once intimidated the Five Great Shinobi Villages using the abilities of our member Hidan, which primarily relied on collecting certain blood samples. As an elder from the Sand, and being too old to easily have her blood collected, Chiyo became a focal point of our observation."
"As a result, we discovered that instead of refining her puppet jutsu over these past years, Chiyo has developed a forbidden medical ninjutsu called One's Own Life Reincarnation. It allows for the unconditional transfer of life force."
"Theoretically, Chiyo could transfer life force from other sources into specific organs, fully revitalizing them to a youthful state. Therefore, Kakashi can impregnate Chiyo, unless Kakashi himself is infertile."
"There's actually a ninjutsu like that?! It seems that Granny Chiyo has been coveting Kakashi-sensei's good looks for a long time!" Naruto became even more convinced.
Otherwise, why would Granny Chiyo bother dedicating her twilight years to developing such a specific, forbidden technique if not for exactly that reason?!
---------
Read 40 chapters ahead and support me on patreon.
patreon (.)com/Newbietranslator