Kakashi was completely baffled.
Who the hell was this mysterious humanoid creature surfing out on that surging wave?
Could it be some contingency Obito left inside the Kamui dimension?
Judging by the look of it, it was probably a White Zetsu.
Kakashi never once suspected it could be the masked man himself.
In his mind, there was absolutely no way Obito would personally go swimming in something like that.
The most tragic part? Kakashi couldn't shut Kamui off at all.
Maybe it was interference from the other eye.
Maybe it was just because the wave pouring out was way too violent and continuous.
Either way, his Sharingan had basically become a blown-out sphincter during a bout of explosive shit—he totally lost the ability to clench it shut.
'So this is what you felt back then, Sensei.'
At that moment, Kakashi deeply understood just how hellish the Nine-Tails' attack had been for Namikaze Minato.
Minato had to wrangle the Nine-Tails, which could flatten the village, while simultaneously guarding against a sketchy masked man with unknown motives.
Now, to protect Konoha, Kakashi had no choice but to completely ignore the mysterious figure surfing the wave.
First, he had to handle the literal crap pouring out of his eye!
He was currently standing in one of Konoha's training grounds.
Even though it was mostly deserted, the sheer volume of sludge was terrifying. If he did nothing, this was going to turn into a waking nightmare.
The entire first floor of the surrounding residential district would get flooded in seconds.
"Earth Release: Earth-Style Wall!"
Kakashi blurred through hand seals and slammed his palms into the dirt.
Four towering earthen walls erupted around him, forming a massive, makeshift containment tank.
Kakashi launched himself atop one of the walls. With the barricade up, the threat was finally boxed in.
At least for the moment, Konoha was safe from the tsunami!
'Right, Grandma!'
Only after locking the mess down did Kakashi suddenly remember that Obito's grandmother had been hanging out with him earlier, watching him practice Kamui.
He frantically ducked his head, staring down into the pit formed by his Earth-Style Walls.
But the crater was already filled with a deep, totally opaque layer of sludge.
He couldn't see a damn thing.
He didn't dare turn his head to scan the area, either.
The millisecond he turned, the direction of the violently gushing wave would just track right along with his line of sight.
"Kakashi, you've truly disappointed me."
A voice suddenly spoke up right behind Kakashi.
It was the masked man.
As it turned out, right after surfing out on that first wave, the masked man immediately forced White Zetsu to crack open his "front armor."
He leaped out of the fleshy 'scuba suit' and snatched the Edo Tensei grandmother out of harm's way right before she got dunked.
After securing the hostage, he instantly teleported behind Kakashi to start talking trash.
'The village, the village—every single one of them will always forget and abandon the people closest to them for the sake of the damn village!'
The masked man was using his real voice, so Kakashi didn't recognize him at all.
If the guy had used Uchiha Madara's classic raspy villain voice, Kakashi might have been able to piece something together.
After all, the real Uchiha Madara got revived via Edo Tensei and was currently chilling in Sunagakure.
By process of elimination, the guy standing behind him was definitely the masked man.
But this time, the masked man dropped the act and used his own voice.
Who the heck was supposed to recognize him like that?
Kakashi had no clue who was standing behind him, but anyone speaking with that kind of edgy tone definitely wasn't a friend.
Without uttering a single word, Kakashi flipped a kunai into a reverse grip with his left hand and slashed viciously behind him.
Just because he couldn't turn his head didn't mean he couldn't strike.
The kunai sliced clean through the air, hitting absolutely nothing. Zero contact.
Knowing his strike completely whiffed, Kakashi quickly retracted his arm and started forming seals, gearing up to pop a Lightning Clone.
If his main body couldn't shift its line of sight, he'd just let a clone do the moving.
As for his chakra reserves?
With a powerhouse enemy standing right behind him, was this really the time to stress over his chakra?
"Kakashi! You deserve to die!"
Just as Kakashi was about to finish his hand seals, the voice behind him suddenly roared, completely startling him.
His earlier attack had totally whiffed.
He assumed the mystery guy had dodged out of range, so why the heck was he still standing in the exact same spot?
And right then, a horrific, putrid stench wafted up from behind him.
'Could it be...'
Kakashi's pupils shrank.
Bingo.
Kakashi finally guessed it right. The mystery guy was the masked man!
When faced with Kakashi's reverse-slash just now, the masked man acted on pure muscle memory and triggered his invincible intangibility.
But don't forget what the Kamui dimension was currently flooded with.
Kakashi hadn't finished draining the shit yet.
The millisecond the masked man phased his body into the dimension to dodge the attack, he dunked himself straight back into that primordial sea of shit, turning the exact same color as White Zetsu.
As the old saying goes, once a mop is dipped in filth, a completely untouchable warrior is born.
The catch, of course, was that the filth only worked as an intimidation tactic.
The second it actually hit someone, the intimidation factor vanished.
Just like the current masked man.
Originally, he had to carefully seal himself inside a White Zetsu suit before even daring to enter the Kamui dimension.
Once he popped out, he bailed from the wave as fast as physically possible.
But in the end, instinct completely screwed him over.
He reflexively popped his intangibility and paid a horrific, disgusting price for it.
"Damn you, Kakashi! Die!"
The masked man was absolutely livid!
Kakashi had forced him into a septic tank once before, and now he'd done it again!
Was he really that easy to bully?!
No matter what it took, today he was going to make damn sure Kakashi enjoyed the exact same treatment!
If Kakashi could weaponize Kamui like this, why couldn't he?
Pfft—
The masked man struck first, jamming an enraged One Thousand Years of Death right into Kakashi, completely interrupting his attempt to cast a Lightning Clone.
Kakashi staggered, collapsing straight to the ground, sending his own foul shit shooting upward into the air in a tragic, beautiful arc.
The masked man yanked his head back and howled at the sky, violently activating his own Kamui.
A yellow waterspout just as ferocious as Kakashi's erupted upward!
Down in the streets, the villagers of Konoha were totally stunned by the sight.
What kind of fierce, epic ninjutsu battle was going down over there?
"Who the hell is spamming Earth Release: Earth Flow River and Earth Dragon Bullet over there? Is it that old bastard?"
Tsunade had originally been napping with her head on the Hokage's desk.
After Shizune spotted the anomaly and frantically shook her awake, Tsunade stared at the skyline outside her window in total confusion.
"Lady Tsunade, I really don't think that's Earth Release..." Shizune quietly corrected her.
Tsunade had been asleep, but Shizune had just walked in from outside.
"If it's not Earth Release, then what is it? Don't tell me it's literal crap."
Tsunade laughed, strolling over and throwing the window wide open.
In an instant, a putrid, foul stench hit her right in the face.
Tsunade was instantly overwhelmed, her head literally spinning from the sheer toxicity of the smell!
She frantically slammed the window shut with all her might.
Crack.
Unfortunately, she panicked and used way too much strength.
The entire window frame completely shattered under Tsunade's monstrous power.
Well, now the Hokage's office was officially a biohazard zone.
Time to run!
"Lady Tsunade, aren't you going over to check it out?" Shizune asked, sprinting after her.
"Check what out? It's probably just two lunatics having a complete meltdown over there. They haven't caused any actual structural damage to the village. Just send Kakashi to deal with it."
Tsunade threw an arm over her nose and mouth and hauled her ass straight toward her house.
...
Meanwhile, back at the training ground—
The masked man shot White Zetsu a look.
White Zetsu quickly wrapped around the grandmother, and the masked man sucked her right back into the Kamui dimension for safekeeping.
At the same time, he cranked his own release valve open once more.
The yellow waterspout surged out again!
This time, he was going to completely obliterate Kakashi.
"Fire Release: Blast Wave Wild Dance!"
The masked man actually blasted Fire Release straight into the violent, toxic waterspout pouring out of his eye!
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