Tsunade took a long, measured breath, the golden light in her eyes dimming from murderous rage into a sharp, analytical frost. She slumped back into her chair, the weight of the Hokage's hat suddenly feeling twice as heavy.
"So," she began, her voice low and dangerous. "If you aren't here for a revenge mission against the Grass, what exactly brings you to my office with a girl who looks like she's seen more trauma than most veterans? Don't tell me you just came here to tell me a sad story, Kenji. I know you better than that."
"Of course not, Princess," I said, leaning casually against the lone wall that wasn't covered in files. I gestured toward Karin, who was still warily eyeing the Sannin. "I came here so she could recognize her only living relative. My research tells me your grandmother, Mito Uzumaki, was the Pillar of the Land of Whirlpools. In any world that values blood, Karin is practically your niece."
Tsunade's eyes softened as they lingered on Karin's hair again. "Related... yes. I suppose she is somewhat related to me," she whispered.
"And more importantly," I continued, my expression hardening, "she's currently facing a predicament that requires your particular brand of authority. We were intercepted on the way here. Danzo's vultures have already begun circling the Uzumaki carrion."
Tsunade sat bolt upright. "Danzo? What do you mean?"
I iterated the events of the last hour—the cold, rattling rasp of the Aburame leader, the clinical demand for 'village equipment,' and the subsequent 'Foundation Demolition' I had performed in the street.
Tsunade wasn't surprised that I'd dismantled a squad of Root ninjas; she'd seen me catch Zabuza's Executioner's Blade with one hand and send Orochimaru flying with a Haki-infused knee. But she was furious that Root had dared to attack a fellow villager under her protection.
"That bastard," Tsunade hissed, her fist clenching so hard her knuckles turned white. "He's become far too brave under the indulgence of the Third. To think he would treat an Uzumaki—a guest of this village—as a lab rat!"
She stood up, looking ready to march into the darkness of the Root base and pull Danzo out by his bandages. But she stopped. She was the Fifth Hokage now; she knew she couldn't just assault a village elder who had held power for decades without an official paper trail. She wasn't that reckless. Not yet.
Tsunade let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through her blonde hair. "It's okay. Karin, was it? You won't be staying in a civilian safehouse anymore. You'll live at the Senju estate. It's been empty since the war, and it's protected by barriers that even Danzo can't bypass without ringing every bell in the village."
She looked at Karin with a rare, genuine smile. "There are hundreds of sealing scrolls left by my grandmother there. You're an Uzumaki; it's time you learned the arts that made your clan legends. Shizune will help you settle in."
"Well," I said, pushing off the wall and stretching my arms. "Since everything is settled and the Princess has finally found her backbone, I think I'll head home."
I walked over to Shizune, whose face was still a bit pink from earlier. I leaned in, my voice dropping to a low hum meant only for her ears. "You should visit my house when you're free, Shizune-san. I have some... specialized medical research that requires an expert's touch."
As I spoke, my hand dropped subtly, delivering two firm, proprietary pats to her backside.
"Take care of her, Shizune-san," I said aloud, giving her a wink that made her breath hitch. I turned to Karin and patted her head. "Listen to sister Shizune, Karin. Stay behind the barriers and study. I'll be back to check on your progress... and your wardrobe... very soon."
"Yes, Kenji-kun!" Karin beamed, her initial hostility toward Tsunade forgotten in the wake of my praise.
"GET OUT!" Tsunade roared, her face twisting into a mask of pure annoyance as she saw her assistant practically melting under my touch. "You've already stolen my budget, Kenji! Don't you dare think you're stealing my assistant too!"
I chuckled and vanished from the office before she could throw another punch.
The walk back to my villa was quiet. It was already late; the streets were sparse, shops were closing, and the usual hustle of Konoha had settled into a dull hum. I looked toward the neighboring building—Yugao's house—but the windows were dark. It seemed my favorite ANBU captain was still on duty.
I entered my villa, locked the door, and fell face-first onto my king-sized bed. After days of travel, road-side camping, and dealing with Sannin-level drama, the memory foam felt like the embrace of a goddess.
"System," I muttered into the pillow. "Calculate the harvest. Show me what being a 'Hero' is actually worth."
[ROAD TRIP HARVEST]
Recruiting the Demon & the Tool (Zabuza/Haku): +5,000 SP
Corrupting the Attendant (Shizune MAX): +2,500 SP
The Legendary Sucker Returns (Tsunade Quest): +10,000 SP
Foundation Demolition (Root Neutralization): +5,000 SP
Current Shameless Point (SP) Balance: 51,000
[STATUS WINDOW]
Name: Kenji Sato
Age: 12
Public Rank: Genin | Hidden Rank: Jonin (High)
Titles: The Corruptor, The Shameless Sage, The Ass Assassin, Hero of the Waves, The Tycoon, Protector of the Plot
Chakra: Jonin (High)
Taijutsu: A- | Ninjutsu: A | Genjutsu: C+
Skills
Active: Transformation Mastery (MAX), Steal (MAX), Dress Break (Lvl 5), Rasengan, Bungee Gum (Lvl 1), Observation Haki (Future Sight - 0.5s), One Thousand Years of Death (Master), Shadow Clone Jutsu (Upgraded), Flying Thunder God (Hiraishin), Sky Walking (Geppo), Master's Call, Magic Tongue (Lalolo Technique).
Passive: Iron Face (Lvl Max), Anatomy Scan (Rank A), Pheromone Release (Medium), Silent Tread, Sexual Endurance (MAX).
Notable Inventory
Legendary: Kusanagi Sword, Heavenly Vitality Pill.
Special: Will of Fire Authority Token, Kubikiribōchō (Loaned), Transparency Spray, Random S-Rank Loot Box, Invisibility Cloak, Kunoichi's Forbidden Heat Manuscript (Vol 1-5).
Currency: 1.5 Million Ryo.
Relationship Status
Karin Uzumaki: Eternal / God-Tier Loyalty.
Shizune: MAX Favorability (Corrupted/Devoted).
Akane (Golden Quill CEO): MAX Favorability (Corrupted/Unbreakable).
Naruto Uzumaki: Brother in Arms / First Disciple.
Tsunami: Devoted / Completely Satisfied.
Ino Yamanaka: Interested / Flustered.
Kakashi Hatake: High Respect (+20%).
Zabuza & Haku: Absolute Obedience (Soul-Binding Contract).
I stared at the 51k balance for a long time. I was officially sitting on enough points to buy something world-breaking, or I could gamble it all away on the Gacha.
"System," I whispered, my eyes narrowing. "Open that S-Rank Loot Box from the Root fight. Let's see if Danzo's misery brings me any luck."
I watched as a golden chest materialized in the holographic window, trembling with the weight of an S-Rank reward.
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