Takahashi Yuuya looked at the bird-beak-shaped prop in his hand, feeling a little flustered.
'The gadgets from the Doraemon universe... this is pure, reality-bending sci-fi.'
Yuuya knew very well that the System's Treasure Chests could yield all sorts of items from across the multiverse, but this was the first time he had received a Doraemon gadget. If the world of Academy City and the English Puritan Church represented the peak of their respective systems, then the Doraemon universe represented the absolute, absurd pinnacle of technology. It was a universe where phone booths could rewrite reality into parallel worlds with a single call, where desk drawers housed casual time machines, and where countless cheap toys could casually alter the fundamental laws of physics. They even had a formalized temporal law enforcement agency.
"It forces spoken lies to manifest into reality within its conceptual limits..." Yuuya strapped the Crow's Beak over his mouth. He looked out the window in the general direction of District 7's skyline, a deeply wicked smile appearing in his eyes.
"Ahem. Every single minute, the crows in Academy City will aggressively poop directly on the head of a tall, red-haired Magician named Stiyl Magnus, and they will absolutely never miss."
Just as Yuuya finished speaking, the distant cawing of several crows echoed through the evening air.
Meanwhile, on the rooftop of a distant building, a heavy glob of fresh crow droppings landed with surgical precision directly on Stiyl's head, instantly re-dyeing his sunset-red hair a sickly white.
Stiyl paused for a moment, slowly reaching up to touch his head. His face instantly turned a violent shade of green. He looked up at the crow that had already flown away and cursed under his breath, feeling deeply sorry for his own hygiene.
"Damn crow... even a technologically advanced place like Academy City has such filthy, unregulated pests? How utterly disgusting."
Stiyl grumbled as he walked over to a rooftop maintenance tap to quickly wash his hair. But just as he finished rinsing the foul substance away, he heard another loud caw from above.
Splat.
His scalp felt disgustingly warm again. Stiyl's expression completely froze. He reached up, touching his head again. His face shifted from green to a furious, bruised purple as the stench hit his nose.
"You damn, filthy birds! Don't let me catch you, or I'll burn you all to ash!"
After shouting furiously at the sky, he frantically scrubbed his head under the tap. After rapidly drying his hair using a burst of low-level fire magic, he prepared to head out to meet Kanzaki and Takahashi to settle the negotiations. His face was exceptionally dark.
Caw... caw...
Upon hearing the sound multiply, Stiyl's expression changed instinctively. He looked up at the sky, and everything went black before his eyes. A veritable rain of white droppings descended. He felt something warm and sticky completely coat his face.
"AAAAAAAH! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"
Massive fireballs were blindly hurled into the air, instantly incinerating two of the offending birds into falling ash. The rest of the flock merely squawked mockingly and scattered, waiting for the next minute to strike.
"...And then, Stiyl Magnus will somehow get hit by a stray delivery truck out of nowhere. After surviving that, he'll immediately step on a board full of rusty nails while walking down the sidewalk, get hit squarely on the head by a falling flowerpot while passing a dormitory, and finally, get electrocuted by a sudden, freak electrical leak under one of the wind turbines..."
Yuuya, who was having the time of his life experimenting with the Crow's Beak's reality-warping bad luck, suddenly stopped mid-sentence.
Thump, thump, thump...
There was a hesitant knock on his apartment door.
Yuuya passively spread out his electromagnetic waves, instantly mapping the bio-signatures of the people standing in his hallway.
'I hadn't even finished setting up his obstacle course, and they're already at my door.'
Yuuya took off the cursed beak, tucking it back into his System Storage, and walked over to open the door with a bright, welcoming smile.
Upon opening it, he saw Kanzaki Kaori standing at the threshold. She wore a deeply conflicted, strange expression. Standing exactly five meters behind her, looking utterly traumatized, was Stiyl Magnus.
At this moment, Stiyl's iconic black monastic robe was heavily splattered with a sticky, foul-smelling white substance. His spiky red hair was similarly coated and matted with dirt. A fresh trail of bright red blood was flowing down his forehead from an apparent blunt-force impact, and his face was twitching with unparalleled, homicidal rage.
"Oh my, isn't this the fearsome Magician, Stiyl Magnus? You look like you just got into a brutal back-alley brawl with Anti-Skill. You poor thing," Yuuya said jokingly, secretly highly amused.
It seemed the karmic power of the Doraemon gadget was truly terrifying. Although it could only warp reality for phenomena below the Golden grade, manipulating probability to inflict Final Destination-style bad luck on an unsuspecting Magician was incredibly impressive.
"Tsk. Cut the nonsense. You know exactly what we're here for, don't you?!" Stiyl snapped, his face turning green with frustration as he glared fiercely at Yuuya.
"You're quite brave to talk to me in that tone while standing in my hallway," Yuuya said dismissively, a dark, lethal glint flashing in his half-closed eyes. "Have you suddenly regained your courage just because I generously spared your life yesterday?"
Stiyl instantly realized who he was barking at. A sharp chill ran down his spine, and his bruised face turned deathly pale.
'I was so blinded by anger from those damn crows and the series of bizarre, life-threatening accidents that I completely forgot... this high schooler is a monster with combat power comparable to a Saint.'
"I... I apologize. I was out of line just now," Stiyl forced himself to compose his temper. He bowed his head stiffly, knowing full well that when you are standing in a predator's territory, you have to submit.
"I am sorry, young man. Stiyl didn't mean to be hostile," Kanzaki stepped in smoothly, her tone cool but carrying a distinct hint of pity as she glanced back at her partner.
Stiyl didn't know why he had been incredibly unlucky on the walk over here. Kanzaki hadn't sensed a single trace of hostile mana or curses targeting him, which logically meant it was just astronomically terrible, natural bad luck. And that terrible luck had put the fire Magician in a foul mood.
"I'll let his disrespect slide this once, strictly out of respect for the Saint standing next to him. But you are not welcome inside my house," Yuuya declared, wrinkling his nose in exaggerated disgust. "And you absolutely cannot step foot inside my apartment looking and smelling like a walking biohazard. I like to keep a clean living space."
"Disgusting," Yuuya added, purposefully looking away from Stiyl as if the sight offended him. Inwardly, however, he was extremely pleased. The Crow's Beak was the ultimate tool for trolling.
If he really wanted to use the jinx to kill someone... he could just casually declare that they were struck by a localized gas explosion or a freak lightning bolt. He could literally talk someone to death.
"..." Stiyl's face twitched violently, a vein throbbing on his temple, but he remained completely silent, his expression dark.
"Stiyl, please wait outside in the hall. You can hear the conversation from out here anyway," Kanzaki said helplessly. She couldn't really argue with Yuuya's logic; Stiyl was covered in bird droppings and dirt, and they were uninvited guests to begin with.
"I understand," Stiyl ground out, baring his teeth like a rabid dog. The overpowering stench of crow droppings clinging to his clothes was making him want to vomit.
He was normally a very clean, meticulous person. He had no idea why the universe suddenly hated him today. Those crows seemed to hold a deep, personal vendetta against his existence. 'Could there be some kind of pheromone on me that attracted them?' he wondered miserably. 'I wish I could have just burned every single bird in this wretched city to the ground.'
Bang—!
Yuuya casually slammed the apartment door shut right in Stiyl's face, leaving the Magician standing alone in the hallway fighting the urge to kick the metal frame down.
"Ah... did a friend come to visit, Yuuya?"
Index, who was sitting comfortably on the tatami mat, turned her head and asked innocently. But the exact moment her green eyes landed on Kanzaki stepping into the entryway, her cheerful smile instantly vanished.
She abruptly scrambled to her feet, pointing an accusing finger at the tall woman as if she had just spotted a dangerous thief.
"What do you want here?! This is Yuuya's house! You evil Magicians are not allowed to come in!"
Index's fiercely hostile voice almost shattered Kanzaki's cool, stoic demeanor. A profound trace of sorrow flashed in Kanzaki's eyes as she looked at the girl who had once been her closest friend in the world.
"Index, it's okay. Don't worry," Yuuya walked over and gently patted Index's silver hair to calm her down. "I've already beaten her into submission, and she has agreed to reform her wicked ways. She won't try to hurt you tonight, and besides, I'm right here to protect you."
"Really...?" Index blinked, still highly suspicious. Her expression remained stern as she tugged on Yuuya's sleeve, speaking in a firm, protective tone.
"Yuuya, don't be fooled by her pretty face or her apologies! Corrupt, evil Magicians will use any sweet words and lies to achieve their dark goals! We can't trust her!"
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Give me powerstones.
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