Chapter 131: The Art of the Bureaucracy
"Throne's sake, Kian! Don't do anything stupid! Just find a way to get the General out of here before he starts checking the gene-records!"
Major Rudolphson was practically vibrating with anxiety. He had never intended for a fake ID to attract the attention of a Brigadier General. If the high command discovered Kian was a "ghost" in the system, they wouldn't just execute the scavenger—they'd have Rudolphson's head on a spike next to Winchester's.
Kian didn't slow down. He saw the cluster of high-ranking officers near the command tent. The man with the stars on his epaulets was already pointing at him.
"Relax, Rudy," Kian muttered, not looking back. "The General is watching. Just stand tall and watch how a professional handles a high-level audit."
Kian tightened his webbing, cinched his combat belt, threw his chest out, and adopted the posture of a model Imperial soldier. He marched toward the command group with a stiff-backed discipline that would have made a Cadian drill sergeant proud.
Rudolphson had no choice but to follow, whispering frantic warnings to keep his story straight.
"Who are these people?" Kian whispered out of the corner of his mouth. "Introduce them before I hit the line."
"The one with the stars is the big fish," Rudolphson hissed. "That's Brigadier General Zeppelin. The one standing next to him like a kicked grox is our Regimental Commander."
"Wait, which one? There are a dozen officers around him."
"The one who looks like a subservient hound with his tongue out. That's the one."
"Ah," Kian noted. "I see him now. Hard to miss a man with that much practice at boot-licking."
"Call him Colonel Leo," Rudolphson warned. "Now, for the love of the Emperor, get us through this."
Kian reached the General, snapped his heels together with a sharp clack, and delivered a textbook Imperial salute.
"LOYALTY!!" Kian barked.
The sudden outburst startled the surrounding staff. General Zeppelin blinked, then let out a soft, amused chuckle. "Ah, so this is the brave soul who ventured behind heretic lines to locate the source of the cancer?"
Colonel Leo stepped forward, nodding like a bobble-head. "Yes, Lord General! This is one of Major Rudolphson's finest assets. A warrior of exceptional courage. He—"
The General raised a hand, silencing the Colonel. "I do not wish to hear the report from the master. I want to hear it from the warrior's own lips."
Zeppelin looked at Kian, his eyes sharp. "Soldier, your report saved this sector from a biological apocalypse. Tell me, how did you execute such a high-risk reconnaissance?"
Kian shouted "LOYALTY!" once more, then began his performance.
"Lord General! The success of this operation was entirely due to the divine guidance of the God-Emperor, filtered through the brilliant strategic oversight of Colonel Leo and the meticulous tactical planning of Major Rudolphson!
"I was merely the instrument. The mission reflected the superior training and technical mastery of our glorious PDF. It was an organic integration of layered reconnaissance, high-yield offensive coordination, and the indomitable spirit of our infantry! Under the Colonel's rigorous discipline and the Major's tactical brilliance, we were able to achieve a total synergy of force that the heretic could not withstand! Barring no obstacle, we march only toward the light of Terra, blah-blah-blah-blah..."
Kian didn't stop. He unleashed a flood of 3k-era corporate jargon and military "buzz-word soup." He talked about "mission-critical paradigms," "leveraging biological assets," and "holistic battlefield awareness."
Within ten minutes, half the officers in the crowd were glazed over, their brains unable to process the sheer density of the nonsense. But Colonel Leo and Major Rudolphson looked ecstatic. Kian had just handed them a massive portion of the credit in front of the General. They looked at Kian as if he were a gift from the Saints themselves.
General Zeppelin, a veteran of a thousand boring staff meetings, listened with an expression of profound interest. He didn't interrupt. He waited until Kian finally stopped to breathe.
The General leaned over to a Colonel on his staff and whispered, "Take notes. That is exactly how the next sector communiqué should be phrased."
Zeppelin turned back to Kian, a satisfied smile on his face. "A hero and a scholar! Truly a champion of the regiment. For your service to the Throne..."
The General pulled a medal from a velvet case. It was the Silver Laurel of Terra. He pinned it to Kian's tattered PDF tunic.
"By the decree of the Munitorum, Corporal Kian Voss is hereby awarded the Silver Laurel for distinguished service. Furthermore, I am authorizing an immediate field promotion. Congratulations, Sergeant Voss."
The crowd erupted into applause. An aide stepped forward to hand Kian a set of metal Sergeant's stripes.
Kian smirked internally. A shiny tin medal and a rank that pays three more scrips a month. Worthless.
But externally, he snapped another salute. "I thank the Lord General for his mentorship! I shall fight with twice the vigor for the General and the Emperor! LOYALTY!!"
Zeppelin patted Kian's shoulder. "A fine lad. A very fine lad."
Colonel Leo, seeing the General was in a good mood, tried to capitalize. "Lord General, it is a rare honor to have you in our camp. Perhaps you would stay for a meal? We have secured a shipment of fresh Grox and vintage amasec."
Zeppelin waved a hand. "No, Colonel. Duty calls. I must return to the Spire to ensure the Tithe-reports are finalized."
Leo's face fell. He desperately wanted to host the General to cement his own position. He looked at Kian, begging for a "Tactical Intervention."
Kian stepped forward and bellowed: "LORD GENERAL! THE MEN OF THE 109TH ARE ASSEMBLED ON THE PARADE GROUND, HUNGERING FOR YOUR GUIDANCE!"
Zeppelin paused. He had planned to leave, but hearing that the soldiers were waiting for him touched his vanity. "Assembled, you say? Well... it would be a lapse in leadership not to inspect the troops while I am on the surface."
Colonel Leo let out a breath he'd been holding for a lifetime. He gave Kian a look of pure adoration.
The General began a slow tour of the camp. Leo had been warned of the visit and had spent three days purging the "Sump-swill" from the barracks. The soldiers were standing at attention, their uniforms clean, and not a single bottle of "Voss Reserve" was in sight.
Even the heavy weapons on the ridge were gleaming. General Zeppelin walked past a 20mm Lumberer-pattern machine gun and paused. He pointed a finger at the gun.
"This weapon... it should be shifted five meters to the right."
Colonel Leo blinked, confused. He opened his mouth to ask why, but Kian was already pulling out a notebook, scribbling furiously.
"Brilliant, Lord General!" Kian shouted. "A masterstroke of overlapping fire! By shifting the heavy ordinance five meters to the flank, we create a crossfire nexus with the left-hand battery! It allows for a tiered integration of suppressive fire with the light infantry squads, creating an impenetrable line-and-depth defense!
"Truly, we have much to learn from the General's tactical eye! We shall implement the 'Zeppelin-Pivot' immediately!"
Colonel Leo stood there, stunned. Is that what he meant? It sounds like he just pointed at a random spot.
General Zeppelin, however, nodded with immense satisfaction. He leaned over to his Chief of Staff and whispered:
"This Sergeant... he possesses the soul of a Grand Strategist!"
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