Chapter 402: Blackiron! You're Such a Drama Queen!
"That green bastard, the one called Blackiron, learned to speak our language somehow, don't ask me how. Every day, right on schedule, he opens a global broadcast and announces how many of us he's killed that day. Pure psychological warfare, trying to break our morale."
The shuttle pilot explained through gritted teeth as he worked the controls, hauling a hold full of armed troops off the flagship and down toward the planet's surface.
Kian could already make out the surface by now, a rust-red and dusty world, badly polluted from generations of heavy industry. His eyes were sharp enough to catch the occasional flash through the viewport, distant flares that had to be nuclear artillery detonating somewhere below.
While he was still watching, the pilot spoke up.
"My lord, it's about time for that green bastard's daily speech. Want to hear what he's got to say today?"
Kian's eyes lit up. "No kidding? Quick, patch me into Blackiron's channel!"
The pilot worked the console, and the comm crackled to life with a rough, static-heavy signal. A brutal, savage laugh boomed through it.
"Wahahahahaha! I'm Blackiron! Boss of all da Orks! Woke up dis mornin' to a buncha squealin' Gretchin sayin' da shrimps' metal cars is comin'! I jumped straight up like a fish outta water, ran to da front, and sure enough, dere's da shrimps' metal cars, a dozen of 'em! I charged in, clang, bang, whack, whack, whack, biu biu biu biu, cracked every one of dem cars open like a can with me big cleaver!"
The Warboss narrated his own battle like some kind of folk storyteller. Kian listened, and something clicked.
Wait. This Ork's channel had to be an open one. Anyone could patch in.
"Hey, is this greenskin's channel public? Can we connect to it through the shuttle's own comms?"
He asked immediately. The pilot nodded.
"Technically, yes. But command's given a direct order against it. Communicating with the xenos risks compromising operational secrecy, and could put your own purity at risk."
Kian couldn't have cared less. Listening to the warboss's bragging, something in him snapped. He grabbed the comm, patched himself directly into the channel, and cut loose.
"Blackiron, huh! You're such a drama queen! You wreck a dozen tanks and you're already this full of yourself? Anybody listening'd think you tore apart a Titan bare-handed and put your boot through a Knight suit. Or is it because you Orks don't have any balls weighing you down that you get this cocky so easily? Keep floating this high and you're gonna drift right off a low-gravity planet someday. You're so tough, I bet even Gork and Mork themselves have to bow down to you, huh?"
Dead silence on the other end for a good long moment after that string of "compliments." Then Blackiron's furious voice came roaring back through.
"Who da hell are you! You dare mock me! If you was standin' in front of me right now, my big cleaver'd crack you in half!"
Kian shot back, "You want a name? Speak it and tremble! I'm every greenskin's worst nightmare, the Gretchin Slayer, a hand made purpose-built for killing Gretchin! Listen up, Blackiron. I only came to this planet for three reasons: kill Gretchin, kill Gretchin, and kill some more damn Gretchin. Better hide yours good, because when I get there, I'm stomping every single one of them flat."
"Boss, what do we do! He's gonna stomp us flat!"
"Quick! Hide, hide somewhere! The Gretchin Slayer's coming!"
"Waaah! I'm just a poor, weak, helpless little Gretchin, why does he wanna hurt me!"
Before Blackiron could even respond to Kian's declaration of war, his own Gretchin dissolved into panic first, the whole channel flooding with terrified shrieking and noise.
"Everybody shut yer traps, or I'll eat da lot of ya!"
Blackiron roared, and the channel went quiet again. Then he turned his threat back on Kian.
"So it's you. Old Fart Kian."
"Hold on, what did you just call me?"
"I been wonderin' why my Gretchin been workin' so lazy lately, why da mushroom fields ain't been growin' as good. It's cause of you, Old Fart Kian! Only got da guts to threaten Gretchin, ya spineless little shrimp!"
Kian snapped back, "Killing Gretchin's just my hobby, pal. Killing Orks, I can handle that just as easy. A small fry like you, I wouldn't even need my hands. I could crack your skull open with my glutes alone."
Blackiron roared, "Yer full of it! Even I can't crack an Ork Boy's skull with my backside! Yer lyin'!"
Kian let out a cold chuckle. "What do you think I bought those Adamantium Glutes training tapes for? I can practice my technique in my sleep."
Blackiron still wasn't buying it, and Kian escalated straight to a challenge.
"Don't believe me, huh? I'm literally in a shuttle right now. Give me your coordinates, and I'll come find you in person and crack your skull open with my glutes, live and in the flesh!"
Blackiron roared right back. "You come here, I'll crack your ugly head open with my big cleaver!"
"Then spit out your damn coordinates already! I'll fly right over and crack your head open with my glutes! Come on, say it. Or are you too scared to say it, you gutless coward Ork!"
"You come find me first, I dare ya!"
"Say it! I dare you to say it, and I'll dare to show up!"
"You dare to show up, I'll dare to say it!"
"Just say it already, you gutless coward Ork!"
"You come here and I dare ya, I'll rip your scalp off in one pull!"
"See, you're stalling. Are you actually scared? Some ordinary little human shrimp wants to come meet you face to face, and you won't even give up your address. Big as you are, sounds like you're actually terrified. Ohh, so pathetic, all you poor Orks, following a spineless little coward like this as your boss. What a bunch of gutless losers."
"AWOOOOO! Who says I'm a gutless loser! I'm right here at XXX, come find me, Old Fart Kian, I dare ya, I'll crack your ugly head open with my cleaver for sure!"
Kian killed the channel instantly and switched to his helmet's internal comm, connecting straight to Trasolh.
"Don't ask questions, don't waste time. Coordinates XXX. Fire the macro-cannons. Keep firing. Empty everything we've got on that position."