"You actually stole the sacred monument? How dare you!"
"Heh, if you ever want to see it again you better stop attacking me. And apologize!"
Dave held the upper hand for once in his life. He no longer felt so dejected about being a Ghetto Shaman, as it turned out it, some of his abilities were quite useful. The woman gritted her teeth and clenched her fists in rage, but soon after she realized she had no choice, and kowtowed before Dave.
"I... I apologize for assaulting you," she spoke with thinly veiled rage in her voice.
"You sound mad. I don't like it. I think I'll send that monument you hold so dear into the abyss."
"T-the abyss!? Please don't. Actually, if you do that, I'll just kill you."
Ugh, she has a point. That's the only chess piece I have against her. It's not like I know how to send anything to the abyss, wherever that is. I can't even move right now with this piece of shit weighing me down...
"Uh, hehe, I won't send it to the abyss of course, but if I did, I clearly have a method to escape afterwards... So don't get any ideas about killing me, you hear me? We can resolve this peacefully without violence, let's make a deal instead."
"Hmph, fine. What do you want, I'll try my best to provide it, as long as it's a reasonable request."
"Spirit stones, and information about something called a futanari ghetto."
"You're looking for a futanari ghetto? I guess you were lying about being Zhong Fu Yaoi's disciple after all... Unless you're some kind of sick pervert, which a disciple of Zhong Fu Yaoi most definitely would be. I'll do you a courtesy and tell you, even if you do find a futanari ghetto, which you won't, the only thing you would achieve is getting raped senselessly and robbed of all your belongings."
"W-what? Raaaaaped? Oh my god... Seriously?"
She smirked. "I almost regret warning you, but lucky for you I'm not evil."
"Thanks... I guess. I can't believe I was on my way to getting raped... Fine, we're even then. You can have your monument back. Uh... Just wait a second."
I stole that shit. But where the fuck is it? I'm over encumbered so it has to be on me in some way shape or form. Can I ask the system? System, get your ass over here! I need to check my items.
[Inventory]
[Rock] - Worthless garbage
[Sacred Monument] - Priceless artifact
[System Hint: Your perception level is abysmal, increase it to more accurately assess items.]
Damn... I might have to come back later to steal it again, once I figure out how to carry more loot that is. I wonder how much a pawn shop would pay for a priceless artifact.
Dave dropped the item, and the monument appeared back where he stole it from. The immense weight was lifted at the same moment, then the weight of a stick descended on him. He was being thrashed by that woman.
"Kyaaa~!" Dave squealed.
"You think I'm letting you off after you pull some shit like that! Keep dreaming you rotten goblin!"
She ruthlessly slammed the stick down, again and again, leaving him battered and bruised across every inch of his body, until he nearly passed out. Dave lifted a trembling hand in a feeble attempt to steal the monument once again, but it was swiftly whacked.
"Don't even think about it."
"Master... Save me..."
Somewhere else in the world Zhong Fu Yaoi was currently enjoying a cup of tea, having forgotten about Dave entirely.
This is it for me. I hope reincarnate somewhere better next time...
Just as Dave had resigned himself to dying, the beating stopped. He was bleeding profusely, surely some of his bones were broken, it felt like it to him anyway. Willpower was the only thing left keeping him conscious.
"Stop it! You're gonna kill him." It was the voice of another woman, one filled with warmth and kindness. Dave felt his heart flutter.
My savior...
"H-hold on, I'll heal your wounds. Just bear with me please."
"Uhgngng..." Blood seeped out of his mouth.
Suddenly a comforting warmth flew throughout his body, taking the pain away. Soon enough the swelling around his eyes subsided enough for him to see his savior. She was a beautiful woman with skin white as snow, long green hair, eyebrows sharp like swords, and she was wearing a white and green robe made of luxurious materials and adorned with bronze and jade.
"Whooa, I'm healed. Ahhh, thank you, beautiful goddess that descended from the heavens to save me. I am unworthy of your benevolence, I will kiss your toes and worship the ground you walk on. Chu~ chu~ <3"
"Eheh, please don't."
"Ok... I'm Dave, Dave Archer."
"I'm Liu Yan. Please excuse my friend Fang Xiu Hua's brash behavior, I'm sure there was some kind of misunderstanding."
"You can say that alright! That demonic individual, Zhong Fu Yaoi he played a horrible trick on me. He gave me this perverse and accursed keychain and sent me on a treasure hunt where I would reap the grand reward of getting raped if I ever found it."
"Zhong Fu Yaoi? Isn't he in the righteous path?" She looked over at the violent red haired Fang Xiu Hua who responded only with a cold grunt.
"He must be a member of the Yaoi clan who are in the righteous path. Why would he do such a thing?"
"He's a sick bastard, why would he need a reason."
"Zhong Fu Yaoi, Zhong Fu Yaoi, where have I heard that name before... Oh that's right, he's the one that has been finding trouble with you lately, isn't he?"
So I'm not the only one he's been playing tricks on, hehe, this could work out in my favor.