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Chapter 43 Part 2 Mother's Monologue
Her voice suddenly saddened.
"Son, do you know how I took the first step? I discovered your father, with your Second Aunt… They've always been together, always hidden it from me. She's my own sister, yet she and your father betrayed me behind my back. My heart was shattered, as if cut with a knife. I loved your father, but I love you more I didn't want you to grow up in a broken home, so I kept silent, swallowed the pain. But as I found, time and again, your father had no intention of ending it even seeing him with other women besides your aunt… I got angry so angry. What could a furious woman do, but take revenge? So I tried a one-night stand. At first, it wasn't about pleasure it was pure retaliation. I even thought about telling him afterward, just to see his face, make him feel what I felt!"
Mother met his eyes, breathing deeply:
"But then I came home and you were sick. Your father wasn't home maybe at your aunt's, maybe working late. Alone, I took you to the hospital, watched you sleep on the IV drip, wracked with guilt, burning with hate… I cried there, alone, and then your uncle Jun came by on rounds. He comforted me, I poured my heart out, and well, you know what happened. Jun is the only man I ever knew before, and we were both so, so careful, terrified of discovery, because your father is not to be trifled with. But your father continued his ways, and I couldn't let go of my anger. At the gym, I met more men feeling their attention and care, knowing it was just because I was pretty, a client, a customer but I clung to those crumbs of warmth like a fly to fire. Emptiness and longing made me sink deeper. I knew it was wrong, but I still fell again and again. Eventually, I didn't know if I was still avenging your father, or just addicted to that wild life… until you found out, and brought that poisoned affair to an end."
"I stopped for you not for your father. Because you're my beloved son. If you and your father could only live, and one must die, I'd choose your father in a heartbeat. If you and I could only live, I'd throw aside every thought and choose death for myself. That is my love for you the greatest, most selfless love on earth. When you found out, I stopped, not just to keep you from hurting, but because I couldn't bear your hatred. Those weeks, restraining myself it was like quitting drugs, the struggle was unbearable. So I drank, tried to drown myself, wanting only to be picked up unconscious in some bar, just to let go… but I kept my sense, always went with friends or coworkers, who made sure I got home. Until last night when your aunt came for me, and I realized my baby, my treasure, had already been stolen by a thief. I was so angry, so afraid you'd leave me. But you you truly are your father's son. When you saw the truth couldn't be hidden, you took me by force. And really after what you did with your aunt, how much stranger would it be to do it with your own mother? When I saw your eyes, I relented. I thought who cares if my body has been used by many men, let my baby also have it. So I surrendered."
Mother looked absently away:
"But I never imagined I would find true satisfaction after so many years with you. Like a man looking everywhere for a coat he's wearing on his back. I fell in love with you. I'm practical you made me feel good, so I gave you my love and my body. The love I give you is deeper, richer than I ever gave your father. But you you keep tearing open my wounds and rubbing salt in them. It makes my heart ache, truly ache. I know it's because you love me. I know you're young, still a boy who can't understand. I'm willing to forgive you, but if you keep this childish, possessive attitude, I'll end this affair and go back to being simply your mother… After all, you already have your aunt having me or not hardly matters, right?"
"No!" Qi cried.
"I love you, as a man loves a woman, as a son loves his mother!"
"Then will you stop picking at my past?" Mother looked him in the eye and said earnestly:
"You're so smart don't you see, by clinging to these grudges, you're pushing Mom back into her old life? I was disappointed in your father; if I'm disappointed in you too I dare not imagine what I'll become…"
Qi's face changed; he hugged Mother tightly:
"Mom, don't say that! I'll always love you! I'll never make you angry again… I understand you completely now. I know only by protecting you now can I keep you in the future. Otherwise I'll truly lose you… Mom, I was wrong, really, really wrong. Mom, I'm sorry. You weren't the best wife, but you are the best mother… Mom, I love you, I love you so, so much."
Hearing "not the best wife, but the best mother," Mother's face softened into a smile. As a commercial aired, she bent down, took his half-erect penis and balls into her mouth, suckled his glans, tongued his slit, rolled his testicles, giving him supreme oral pleasure. Qi held her head, thrusting up into her mouth, his penis wetting her with saliva, drool curling from the corners of her lips…
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