Filler
The Green Zone
The custom-forged, metallic crimson Vulcan Zenith V-12 roared down the dirt roads of the KDC countryside, kicking up a massive cloud of dust behind its heavy armored tires.
They had driven for two hours, leaving the thick, choking industrial smog of Seistain far behind them. As they crossed into the Neon Wynd district of KDC, the landscape completely transformed. It was a sprawling, pristine paradise of lush green forests, rolling hills, and untouched, vibrant grasslands.
Kniya rolled the tinted window down, letting the fresh, unpolluted breeze hit his face.
"So yeah, this is the place," Kniya announced, resting his arm on the door. "Khno Louison's territory covers this entire valley. We can literally choose whichever piece of real estate we want just by pointing at it, and I will just talk to him on the radio."
Malesh looked out the window. For a man whose entire net worth was built on pulling toxic black sludge out of the earth, he looked surprisingly captivated by the sheer, uninterrupted greenery. It was mathematically flawless. There were no gridlocks, no smokestacks, no screaming merchants. Just absolute, biological efficiency.
"I think so, we should never allow the industrialists to even reach this region," Malesh stated, his voice unusually quiet as he stared at the dense forest canopy. "It is structurally perfect. Putting a factory here would be a geographical crime."
Kniya snorted, downshifting the massive V-12 engine as they cruised along a ridge.
"I don't think so it would be possible, bro," Kniya replied, ever the cynical capitalist. "As the Republic grows and the population multiplies, the capital is going to bleed outward. This region is someday going to be completely covered by industrialists and concrete. The smog is inevitable. It is going to happen definitely."
Malesh adjusted his cuffs, a rare look of profound annoyance crossing his face. "Fuck this shit. The sheer lack of preservation in this country is disgusting."
"You own three hundred oil refineries, you hypocrite!" Filoska yelled from the backseat.
"I put them in a desert!" Malesh fired back instantly. "Sand is already dead! This is grass!"
Malesh pointed out the window at a massive, perfectly flat expanse of open green land bordered by thick oak trees.
"Well, for now, what we are going to do is establish our useless territory," Malesh declared. "I think so, this piece of land is the best. It is flat. It is logically sound for future foundational architecture if we ever decide to build a useless monument."
"No, absolutely not," Kniya argued, hitting the brakes and pointing slightly further down the valley. "Look at that one. There is a natural stream passing right through it, along with a massive, crystal-clear pond. That is top-tier aesthetic value."
"A pond is just a puddle of stagnant water that breeds mosquitoes," Malesh deadpanned. "My flat land is superior."
"Your flat land looks like a fucking parking lot with grass on it!" Kniya yelled, leaning over the steering wheel.
"And your pond is a biological hazard!" Malesh shouted back. "My land is objectively best!"
"Fuck you, Kniya, your taste in geography is as garbage as your taste in cars!"
"Fuck you, Malesh! I am buying the pond!"
They glared at each other, a multi-billion-credit standoff in the middle of a beautiful forest.
"Okay, fine," Kniya snapped, turning around to look at the backseat. "Filoska! Tell us. Which piece of land is the best?"
Filoska slowly lowered her head into her hands, rubbing her temples as if trying to massage away a physical migraine.
"In my professional opinion," Filoska sighed, her voice dripping with sheer exhaustion, "you two are just wasting your time, my time, and the very concept of time itself. But if I have to choose so we can leave this forest... the piece of land that contains the pond and the stream is the better investment. Natural water access exponentially increases long-term property valuation. Kniya is right."
Kniya pumped his fist in the air. "Boom! The VP has spoken! The pond wins!"
Malesh did not say a word. He slowly turned his head back to the window, his face a completely unreadable, terrifying mask.
Internal Monologue: She is definitely disregarding my choice on purpose, Malesh calculated coldly in his mind. She is holding a grudge because I explicitly stated I was a misogynist during her hiring process. This is a highly biased, emotionally driven real estate decision. This is not great. Well, I am going to take revenge for this statistical imbalance soon. I will lower the air conditioning in her office by three degrees on Monday.
"Okay, so yeah, I am going to buy this land," Kniya smirked, picking up the heavy, military-grade radio-telephone installed in the center console of his luxury tank-car. He began cranking the dial to patch through to Khno Louison's estate office.
The Naughty Strangers
As Kniya waited for the radio operator to connect the signal, Malesh continued staring out the window at the pond territory in the Nheongwai district.
Suddenly, Malesh's eyes narrowed.
"Kniya," Malesh whispered, his voice completely flat. "Look at grid sector four, near the edge of the oak trees."
Kniya paused, holding the heavy brass receiver to his ear, and squinted through the windshield.
About two hundred yards away, partially hidden by the tall grass near the pond, were two strangers. From a distance, their movements looked highly suspicious, tangled together in the brush like they were doing something incredibly naughty in broad daylight.
"What the fuck?" Kniya muttered, lowering the radio phone. "Are they... trespassing on my new fucking pond to hook up?"
"Let's have some sneak peek over there," Malesh stated, already opening the heavy armored door of the sedan. "Let's observe what they are trying to do. If they are compromising the biological integrity of the real estate, we will have to evict them."
"Evict them? We don't even own the land yet!" Filoska argued, though she was already unbuckling her seatbelt, her curiosity entirely getting the better of her.
The three billionaires crept out of the car, silently moving through the tall Nheongwai grass like a pack of incredibly wealthy, sociopathic predators. They ducked behind a thick row of bushes just a few feet away from the strangers, holding their breath to catch them in the act.
But as they peered through the leaves, they realized it wasn't some scandalous, naughty hookup at all.
It was just a young, totally normal couple having a wholesome, romantic picnic. The boy was simply resting his head on the girl's lap while she stroked his hair, and they were quietly discussing romantic, cheesy nonsense.
Kniya let out a long, silent sigh of disappointment. He slowly turned his head to look at Malesh, raising an eyebrow.
"Malesh, I think so, you are literally reading cultured books a lot," Kniya whispered, a mocking grin spreading across his face. "You should really refresh your mind, bro. You see two people sitting near a pond and instantly think it's a degenerate porno. You're a pervert."
Malesh adjusted his cuffs, entirely unfazed by the insult. "Whatever. The visual data was misleading from a distance. Let's just hide behind the bushes and see how long it takes for this inefficient emotional display to conclude."
They crouched in the dirt, trapped behind the bushes.
A few feet away, the boy looked up lovingly at the girl. He took a deep, nervous breath.
"Actually," the boy said softly, his voice trembling with romantic tension. "The thing is that... I wanted to say this thing to you for a very long period of time."
"Oh?" the girl smiled sweetly, blushing. "What is it?"
The boy opened his mouth to confess his love.
But before he could utter a single syllable, Malesh, operating on pure, unadulterated sociopathic boredom, perfectly threw his voice. Mimicking the exact pitch and tone of the boy, Malesh spoke loudly from the bushes.
"I love your ass," Malesh dubbed over the boy in a deadpan, creepy whisper. "I want to just say that your ass is so beautiful that I wanted to draw my finger into it."
Kniya had to physically bite his own fist to stop himself from screaming with laughter.
The girl's sweet, blushing smile instantly vanished. She stared down at the boy in absolute, horrified disgust.
"What the fuck are you really talking about?!" the girl shrieked, shoving his head off her lap.
"Wait! No! I didn't say that!" the boy panicked, scrambling to sit up, his face turning bright red. "I swear to God, I was going to say I love your eyes! I don't know where that voice came from!"
Filoska, who had been completely stressed out all week, suddenly felt a chaotic spark of inspiration. She covered her mouth to hide her grin, matched the pitch of the girl's voice perfectly, and threw her own voice from the bushes.
"Actually," Filoska dubbed over the girl, sounding completely deranged, "I would also wanted to say that... I also collected your toenails for a very long period of time. I keep them in a little jar next to my bed and chew on them."
Malesh looked at Filoska, visibly impressed by her level of psychological terrorism. Kniya was silently hyperventilating in the dirt, tears streaming down his face.
The boy froze, staring at his girlfriend like she was a serial killer.
"You... you collect my toenails?!" the boy yelled, scrambling backward in the grass. "Are you a fucking psychopath?!"
"I didn't say that!" the girl screamed, tears of frustration welling in her eyes. "You're the freak who wants to put a finger in my ass!"
"I like the smell of your unwashed underwear!" Kniya instantly chimed in, mimicking the boy's voice perfectly. "I steal them from your laundry basket and wear them on my head!"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" the girl shrieked, slapping the boy completely across the face. Smack! "I am a goblin who eats earwax!" Malesh dubbed over the girl, adding absolutely unnecessary lore to the fight.
"Stay away from me, you weird bitch!" the boy roared, grabbing his picnic basket to use as a shield. "We are done! This is over!"
"I never liked you anyway, you underwear-sniffing freak!" the girl yelled back.
They both scrambled to their feet, completely terrified of each other, and sprinted away in completely opposite directions, abandoning their romantic pond forever.
The bushes were dead silent for exactly three seconds.
Then, Kniya, Malesh, and Filoska completely lost it. They collapsed out of the bushes onto the grass, howling with absolute, breathless laughter. Kniya was clutching his stomach, rolling in the dirt, laughing so hard no sound was coming out. Filoska had tears ruining her expensive makeup, and even Malesh was letting out a rare, genuine series of dark chuckles.
"Oh my god," Filoska gasped, trying to catch her breath. "The toenails... his face when I said the toenails..."
"I am a goblin who eats earwax?!" Kniya wheezed, pointing at Malesh. "Bro! Where the fuck did you even come up with that?!"
"It was a highly effective psychological deterrent," Malesh stated, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye and dusting off his tailored suit. "The structural integrity of their relationship was completely eradicated in under forty-five seconds. Maximum efficiency."
Kniya finally sat up, taking a deep breath of the fresh Nheongwai district air. He looked at the empty, beautiful pond, then at his two sociopathic business partners.
"Yeah, that was a really great thing," Kniya grinned, popping a fresh piece of mint gum into his mouth. "We got the land, we ruined a relationship, and we didn't even have to do any paperwork yet. We all enjoyed a lot. Today was a fun day."
The Prior Acquisition
Kniya finally caught his breath, wiping the dirt off his trousers as he stood up from the bushes. The romantic pond was completely silent again.
"Yeah, that was a really great thing," Kniya grinned, popping a fresh piece of mint gum into his mouth. "We got the land, we ruined a relationship, and we didn't even have to do any paperwork yet. We all enjoyed a lot. Today was a fun day."
"I feel significantly less stressed," Filoska admitted, fixing her ruined hair and picking leaves off her designer coat. "Psychological warfare is surprisingly therapeutic."
"Alright, let's lock this dirt down," Kniya said, walking back over to the heavy, armored V-12 sedan. He reached through the open window, grabbed the heavy brass radio-telephone, and aggressively cranked the dial.
The line hissed with static for a moment before a slick, greedy voice answered on the other end.
"Khno Louison Estate Management. Who is calling?"
"Khno, it's Kniya Anderson," Kniya stated, his voice carrying the calm, absolute authority of a man who owned the country's infrastructure. "I am currently standing in the Nheongwai district. Sector four, the massive plot with the natural stream and the pond. Draw up the paperwork immediately. I am buying it."
There was a long, awkward pause on the other end of the radio.
"Ah... Mr. Anderson," Khno stammered nervously. "It is an absolute honor to hear from you, sir. But... I cannot sell you that land."
Kniya frowned, his grip on the receiver tightening. "What do you mean you can't sell it? I am standing right on it. Tell whoever is looking at it to back off. Give me the land."
"I literally cannot, sir!" Khno panicked. "The deed is gone! That specific sector was completely bought out and finalized this morning!"
Kniya froze. "Bought out? By who?"
"By a Mr. Malesh Bulwadi, sir. He wired the funds at exactly 7:00 AM today."
Kniya slowly lowered the heavy brass phone. He didn't hang it up. He just let it dangle by its cord against the side of the car.
He slowly turned his head to look at Malesh, who was currently dusting off his tailored suit with perfect, deadpan calmness.
"What the fuck?" Kniya whispered, his voice rising in volume. "What the actual fuck? You already bought the land?!"
Filoska stopped picking leaves off her coat. She stared at Malesh. "Wait. You bought this land before we even left the office?!"
"Yes," Malesh stated flatly, adjusting his cuffs. "I purchased the full territorial rights via federal telegraph at 7:04 AM. I own the pond. I own the flat grass. I own the bushes we were just hiding in."
The Sunday Brawl
"Then why the fuck did we drive two hours out here?!" Kniya exploded, throwing his hands in the air. "Why did we argue in the parking lot?! Why did we argue about which piece of grass was better if you already owned the entire fucking valley?!"
Malesh looked at Kniya. Then he looked at Filoska. For a fraction of a second, the cold, sociopathic billionaire actually looked a little awkward. He cleared his throat, looking away toward the pond.
"Because," Malesh said quietly. "I was just here to spend some free time with both of you."
Kniya's jaw dropped.
"We have been working ourselves to death," Malesh continued, keeping his voice perfectly monotone to hide the fact that he was essentially admitting he cared about them. "You are building tanks. Filoska is staring at ledgers for eighteen hours a day. I am dealing with crude oil. We needed a break. So, I engineered a fake real estate dispute to force us out of the city so we could have a mandatory day off."
Filoska stared at him. "You... you bought thirty thousand square kilometers of prime real estate... just to force us to have a picnic with you?"
"Yes," Malesh nodded. "And it was highly successful. We got some fresh air, and we successfully traumatized a young couple. It was a perfect Sunday."
Kniya stared at his best friend. The absolute, unhinged absurdity of Malesh secretly buying a forest just to trick his friends into hanging out with him completely broke Kniya's brain.
"You absolute fucking nerd!" Kniya yelled.
Without another word, Kniya lunged forward and tackled Malesh right into the dirt.
"Assaulting a landowner is a federal crime!" Malesh shouted, completely losing his deadpan composure as he hit the grass, desperately trying to block Kniya's punches.
"I am going to drown you in your own fucking pond!" Kniya laughed maniacally, putting Malesh in a headlock and aggressively rubbing his knuckles against Malesh's scalp.
"Hold him down!" Filoska yelled, entirely abandoning her aristocratic dignity. She sprinted over, grabbed a massive handful of wet mud and leaves from the edge of the pond, and aggressively shoved it right into Malesh's expensive tailored suit.
"My suit is completely ruined!" Malesh yelled, thrashing in the dirt as his two best friends mercilessly beat him up in the middle of his newly purchased forest. "I am going to lower the air conditioning in both of your offices! I swear to God!"
"Shut up and eat the dirt, oil boy!" Kniya cackled, shoving Malesh back down into the grass.
The three most powerful, terrifying, and ruthless corporate monopolies in the Republic of DI spent the rest of their Sunday wrestling in the mud like absolute idiots.