Season 3 chapter 25
The Budget Strike Team
The recorded audio continued to play. Leon demanded some respect, and the assassin finally snapped back.
"First of all, I am thirty-six years old," the assassin yelled on the tape. "And third of all... you only paid me three hundred and sixty credits to take this contract!"
In the bunker, Kniya completely choked on his popcorn. Malesh's deadpan expression shattered as his analytical brain completely glitched at the number.
"Three hundred and sixty credits?!" Malesh repeated, staring at the speaker in pure horror. "To assassinate two heavily armed trillionaire Managing Directors?! That is not even enough money to cover the physical bullet casings! That is the greatest market undervaluation of our lives!"
"Okay, so this assassin is really a good guy," Kniya laughed, wiping a tear from his eye. "He is literally killing for a very low amount! What a philanthropic murderer!"
Salesh, however, had suddenly gone completely still. He slowly lowered his handful of popcorn, staring at the audio receiver with a look of profound recognition.
"Guys," Salesh whispered, his eyes wide. "I know this assassin."
Kniya stopped laughing. He looked at Salesh, his eyes narrowing with deep, chaotic suspicion.
"I fucking knew it!" Kniya shrieked, jumping up and pointing an accusing finger at Salesh. "I knew that you are a literal terrorist, Salesh! You were just hiding your evil face behind a good person's mask! Actually, I know for a fact that in the recent tactical fart attacks in DI, you are the one responsible for that! You hired him to throw the methane grenades!"
"Oh, you fucking idiots! You are just total idiots!" Salesh roared, completely offended by the accusation. "I am absolutely not talking about this fart attack shit! I hired him for a legitimate corporate reason!"
"Who the fuck did you assassinate?!" Malesh demanded, entirely deadpan but highly alert.
"Actually, I think so, guys, I hope you would remember," Salesh explained, crossing his arms and looking entirely justified. "There was a highly corrupt, massive corporate chairman in the logistics sector last year. He was exactly like a dictator, and he would deploy his private security anywhere to block my supply chains. He was really, really corrupt. He was not able to basically let me expand my monopoly."
Salesh nodded respectfully at the audio receiver. "And I wanted to just kill him. So I hired this exact assassin. He was the mastermind of the hit. He killed that chairman flawlessly."
The 10-Credit Hitman
Kniya leaned forward, his capitalist curiosity peaking. "Okay, so how much did you actually pay him for that corporate hit?"
"I literally paid him exactly 10 credits for that work," Salesh stated proudly. "And he did that."
Kniya's jaw literally unhinged.
"What the actual fuck?!" Kniya screamed, completely losing his mind. "Literally?! You mean, you are telling me that this highly elite, top-ranked guy works for that kind of absolute shit?! Ten credits?! I pay my janitors more than that in an hour to mop the floors!"
"He is a very good guy, you know," Salesh explained earnestly, as if he were talking about a local baker instead of a lethal hitman. "He does a massive amount of charity. I don't know why he is so incredibly good. He ranks at the absolute top of the underground lists, but he is still like that. He just likes helping people out, I guess."
Malesh rubbed his temples in pure frustration. "His market valuation is completely paradoxical. It breaks every law of capitalism. But his skill is undeniable. Even the top, most hideous, terrifying people in the entire world would deeply respect a contractor with this level of efficiency. Even someone like Mantouse Adeius."
Salesh blinked, completely confused. "Who is Mantouse Adeius?"
Filoska, who had been sitting in silence trying to process the fact that Salesh had casually murdered a rival CEO for ten credits, also frowned. "Yeah, who is that?"
Kniya immediately jumped in, waving his hands aggressively to cover their tracks. "It is a really, really long story! We will definitely tell you some later on! Do not worry about it!"
Salesh looked back and forth between Kniya and Malesh, noting their sudden, hyper-defensive synchronized lying.
"You guys really have a very adventurous, highly illegal past, don't you?" Salesh noted, shaking his head. "Whatever. Just play the rest of the tape."
The Reverse Negotiation
"Okay, everyone shut up, the tape is still playing," Kniya commanded, leaning back on the plush bunker sofa and kicking his boots onto the coffee table. "This is where Leon completely loses his mind at his own staff."
The audio reel spun, broadcasting the chaotic aftermath of Leon realizing his assassin was getting paid pocket change.
"GUARDS! GET YOUR FUCKING ASSES IN HERE RIGHT NOW!" Leon shrieked on the recording.
The heavy doors creaked open on the wiretap, and the deeply disrespectful personal guard strolled back in. Leon immediately started screaming at him, demanding to know why he had hired a sandwich-eating amateur instead of an expensive, top-tier assassin.
"Sir, it was not like that," the guard explained calmly over the speaker. "We first told him that we will pay exactly one million credits for the corporate hit. But he was the one who told us that he is not going to take that much amount. He explicitly said that three hundred and sixty credits would be more than enough for the job."
In the bunker, Malesh's jaw actually dropped. His highly logical, capitalist brain completely short-circuited.
"Wait. Pause the tape," Malesh demanded, holding his hand up. "Did I hear that correctly? They offered him one million credits... and he aggressively negotiated his own salary downward to three hundred and sixty?"
"Yeah, bro!" Salesh nodded proudly. "I told you, he is a very charitable guy!"
"That is not charity, that is a severe mental illness!" Kniya yelled, throwing a popcorn kernel at the speaker. "Who the fuck negotiates a million-credit payout downward?! It breaks every foundational rule of the free market! He is a financial terrorist!"
"It is economically horrifying," Malesh agreed, shaking his head in disgust. "Play the rest. I need to study this anomaly again."
The Resume of a Killer
Kniya hit play again. On the tape, Leon was audibly groaning in frustration before attempting to regain his aristocratic superiority.
"Tell me what your actual capabilities and achievements are," Leon demanded haughtily.
"Well, sir," the assassin replied, his voice completely flat and muffled by chewing. "I have completed many high-level, black-ops missions without a single failure. Including successfully killing the sitting President of a sovereign nation."
"See?" Salesh beamed on the bunker sofa. "A true professional."
But Leon was not impressed. "Oh, please," Leon scoffed loudly on the wiretap. "Killing a politician just requires a basic bribe and a slightly competent sniper. Do not act like you are special."
Kniya burst out laughing. "Okay, Leon is an absolute idiot, but I actually agree with him on that one. Politicians are incredibly easy to buy or blow up."
"What is your official rank in the underground assassin list of RW?" Leon pressed. "Are you even in the top fifty?"
The assassin sighed heavily. "I am currently ranked first in three completely different global lists of assassins."
Malesh rubbed his chin, deeply fascinated. "A globally recognized, number-one ranked contractor who charges less than the price of a decent lunch. Salesh, I want his contact card. We can outsource all of our corporate violence to him and save billions in security overhead."
Code Name Muntari
On the tape, Leon suddenly realized he was standing in the room with the most dangerous man on the planet. His tone shifted to being much more cautious.
"What is your name?" Leon asked.
"No," the assassin replied bluntly. "Assassins don't usually tell their real name to clients. It is a massive security liability." He paused. "But yeah. My secret underground code name is Muntari. M-U-N-T-A-R-I. Do not misspell it on the final receipt."
"I love this guy," Malesh nodded approvingly. "He ensures flawless administrative billing. A receipt for three hundred and sixty credits for a double homicide. Incredible bookkeeping."
The Dubbed Interrogation
"Okay, pay attention, Filoska!" Kniya cheered, pointing at the speaker. "This is where you come back in!"
On the recording, Leon finally ordered his disrespectful guard out of the room. Leon took a deep breath, trying to project the terrifying, formal aura of the royal family once again.
"Let's get to the main point, Filoska," Leon hissed darkly on the tape. "The royal family has infinite resources. We see everything. And if you don't help us—"
"—we will kidnap you and sell your internal organs on the black market," Muntari the assassin seamlessly interrupted, chewing loudly.
In the bunker, Kniya snorted out loud.
"Oh, God! Why the fuck are you speaking in between my sentences?!" Leon shrieked on the audio feed, his royal composure completely shattering. "I was doing a monologue! I was just saying that if you try to fool us—"
"—I will absolutely not spend this night with you," Muntari interrupted again, his voice entirely flat.
Filoska groaned, covering her face with her hands on the bunker armchair. "Please turn it off. I can still hear the mayonnaise smacking in his mouth. It was horrifying."
"What the actual crap are you literally saying right now?!" Leon roared at the top of his lungs on the tape. "Please be quiet for some time! Stop dubbing my threats with your weird, degenerate thoughts!"
"I am just trying to build the psychological tension, sir. It is part of my service," Muntari replied casually.
Kniya was literally rolling on the leather sofa, laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. "He dubbed his threats! He literally treated the head of the royal family like a poorly translated voiceover!"
"It is highly unprofessional to interrupt a client during a monologue," Malesh observed, tapping his chin. "However, the psychological disruption is undeniably effective. Leon completely lost control of his own interrogation room."
"And you guys just sat down here and listened to this like a comedy show?" Filoska asked, staring at them with absolute disbelief.
"Of course we did!" Kniya grinned, sitting back up and wiping his eyes. "It was pure entertainment! But don't worry, Filoska, we also heard the part where he threatened your little brother. That's exactly why we had time to build a counter-trap."